Okay I got the program about 2 months ago. I listened to lesson one but than things came up and I had to put my life on hold. A few days ago I made up my mind to pull the program program out and get into it and not keep putting my life on hold because I am too miserable for words.
I am on lesson one right now. I know we are suppose to wait a week but since I have used lesson one before, I want to go on to lesson two. I am not going to do that because that is me getting in the way of me getting better.
The reason I decided to do the program now is because the depression has been awful and overwhelming in my life. I have been isolating a lot which is not good. I break down crying so easily anymore and this depression is robbing me of any enjoyment. So I am committing myself to working the program all the way through even when I don't want to. I say this because I have quit other things so often in my life that I want to change this behavior. What better way than to complete this program to start breaking a bad cycle.
I am having a problem with the relaxation CD. I find that I cannot envision what is being said on it. So I went to You Tube and watched several videos on waterfalls which helped me. Now I need to go back and look for videos of meadows and fruit trees just so I can envision them in my mind. I am also bored by listening to the same thing over and over again. Please don't think I am critisizing the CD because the flaw is in myself here and I know it. I am having a difficult time dealing with boredom. So any suggestions you can give me on how to enjoy the relaxation CD would be most appreciated.
I moved to my new location at the end of July 2009 because I thought I would have people of my faith to fellowship with at least on a once a week basis but that just has not turned out that way. All the friends I have made here are a car's drive of anywhere to 30-50 minutes away and I don't own a car, so I get to be with friends not all that often.
I am also disabled and do not work a regular job so I am home a lot because I don't have any place to go to. I have been spending time on the internet a whole lot but I can see it is having a negative impact on my life so I am letting go of the high speed internet and going with the dial up so I will be forced to get out of the house and go somewhere else besides this place. I have been isolating which is making the depression worse and causing me to not have much ambition for my life. Staying in bed is so much easier than facing another boring day with no friends and family.
I don't walk all that well anymore so when I leave my home I take either my walker on wheels or I use a power chair. When this place closes in on me and I get cabin fever, I get in my power chair and get out into the sunshine for about an hour. Lately we have had a whole lot of rain so I don't get to get out as much. Today I started exercising by taking my walker on wheels and walking for ten minutes. For me that is good because I don't do much walking at all.
Another thing I am dealing with is that I will have to move, once again, in November of this year. How I wish I could stay transfixed in one place instead of all this moving around. So I am being taxed with this worry. I say worry because it is a worry. The breathing exercise seems to really help me in this area because it is causing me to stay in the present with what I have right now verses what I might not have in the near future.
Working the program is not easy. Lesson one is overwhelming at times and yet at times is boring to me but I am determined to push past this boring stuff and take it one day at a time.
I have applied to join this place where it is a social network for people who have mental illness. I had to get my doctor to refer me and it has been over a week since I handed in the referral. Of course right now I am not too good on patience. I want them to approve me right now. ((smile))
Overall I do believe the ADD program is going to help me. Who knows it might help me to get to where I will go back to work again and succeed at it. It is for sure that things cannot remain the same in my life because it is a life that has no purpose to it which is not good at all.
I guess I am finished rambling on and on like I have been. I would love some input from some of you on how to make this program work better for me and how to get my mind out of the bore stage it is in right now where everything is a bore to me. I am sure it is the depression causing this and I can attest that depression is my enemy. I want out of it. I can also use some helpful ideas about the relaxation CD. Is it possible to use other types of relaxation things besides the CD that would be most helpful or am I defeating the purpose here?
Thanks for listening!
Gadel
struggling
Hang in there ,I know it's something you heard before.For the last month and a half i,ve been dealing with constant anxiety and just started the program 5 weeks.I think confidence is key along with patience and the love of oneself.We just need to stop double and triplling everything little thing and keep staying positive.What has happened is that we been so negative through our thought processs it,s become 2nd nature ,now we got to be positive until its engraved in us again.
Thank you Jamine for your encouraging reply. I am feeling much better today than I was yesterday. One thing is that I have been going to the chat room last night and again tonight. I met some very nice people in there that were so insightful. One thing that was said to me was that I do not have to do the program perfectly. So if I have an off day, well, it is okay. As long as I keep trying..that is what counts the most.