Hi Everyone: I'm so tired of hearing from my people that I'm emotionally void, I have a wall around me, I don't talk, I don't share, I'm cut off from others....blah, blah, blah.
It may be my fault, but I haven't shared my thoughts with many. It also may be my fault that I have involved those closest to me in the program. However, my thoughts and anxiety have been so hard for me to deal with, I haven't wanted to share that with anyone else.
I was wondering if anyone had suggestions? Or, if anyone could relate to this. Please let me know.
Thanks!
~Lynnier
Emotionally Void
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Guest
Oh, this anxiety is such a selfish thing isn't? It wants all of our focus and attention and we tend to keep to ourselves while dealing with it. I can tell you that going through the program will help you get better. I decided to share my anxiety issues with my family, co-workers and friends. Turns out there were others in my social circle who suffer from anxiety, too. We now talk freely about our progress. I am the only who did the program and I can definitely see my progress versus their progress going it alone. Trust the program, you will be able to deal with your anxiety. I was at a very scary place with my anxiety before I started the program. I cannot believe how much I have changed. This program has definitely been liberating for me. Good Luck. If I can help, let me know.
LisaLisa
LisaLisa
Hey Lynnier
When I first started the program, I told a few people. (friends AND family).....A few of them turned it into a joke. I went into a shell again. I came back out of the shell eventually and thought about one person (besides my doctor) I could tell. I finally told her and I'm glad I did. I explained to her that this isn't a joke and can be quite debilitating sometimes. She understood and I feel better now telling someone. As for the other ones I told, they STILL joke about it. Needless to say, I stay away from them. I only keep good honest people in my life and it's made a world of difference.
When I first started the program, I told a few people. (friends AND family).....A few of them turned it into a joke. I went into a shell again. I came back out of the shell eventually and thought about one person (besides my doctor) I could tell. I finally told her and I'm glad I did. I explained to her that this isn't a joke and can be quite debilitating sometimes. She understood and I feel better now telling someone. As for the other ones I told, they STILL joke about it. Needless to say, I stay away from them. I only keep good honest people in my life and it's made a world of difference.
http://www.myspace.com/christinehufana
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CarolynEd.Dir.
- Posts: 92
- Joined: Wed Mar 08, 2006 8:31 pm
Hi Lynnier
You don't have to bare yourself emotionally just because other people want you to. We all have different levels of comfort with emotional sharing, and as long as you're in a good, fulfilled space, whatever level works for you is the right one.
My wall and mask exist because I don't trust that others will care and won't hurt, ridicule, denigrate and otherwise tear me apart if I show my vulnerability. Neither a good nor fulfilled space to be in. My mask and wall were solid and impenetrable, though, until about 5 years ago when a few life situations (single parent with young children, father with dementia and rapidly failing health, demanding job with a toxic boss...) coincided and the cracks started.
I was hell-bent on coping with it on my own, though, even after I crashed and burned. After I reached my limit at work and just quit, and then my father died, I was holed up in my house, barely able to get out of bed except to do what needed to be done to keep my kids lives reasonably normal, and still I would tell anybody who asked that everything was great.
After about a year or so, I started to open up to friends and family that I wasn't as composed as I appeared. I'd thought that they would have guessed that something wasn't right, but no -- even cracked, my mask is a good one and they were completely surprised. I'd also isolated myself a great deal. My family was actually pretty uncomfortable with the visible emotions, and much prefer me to keep my mask on, so I do with them (at least I know that I come by it honestly!). My friends who were still around had figured that I'd just been really busy -- some were and still are very supportive and we're even closer than we ever were before, while some simply couldn't relate. One of my oldest and best friends couldn't handle it at all -- it would have meant almost a role reversal for us, and she apparently didn't want that. It's been an emotional roller coaster in itself to learn all this about the people around me, but it's brought an honesty to my relationships that had been missing because I hadn't been willing to go there. That's not to say that I go around in a string bikini with regard to my emotions now -- I'm a one-piece (and often sarong) kind of person and that's ok. But it's not out anxiety or fear of judgement that I'm more reserved, it's my preference and choice.
So, a long way of offering you the suggestion of asking yourself why you aren't as emotionally open as the people in your life want you to be. If it's because that's where you feel most true to yourself, then tell them that. If it's because you're scared and you'd really like to get past the fear, well, that's why we're here, isn't it?
I really like manofmusic's commitment to keep only good and honest people in his life -- I've made a similar commitment and it really does make a difference to the way I feel about myself and others.
You don't have to bare yourself emotionally just because other people want you to. We all have different levels of comfort with emotional sharing, and as long as you're in a good, fulfilled space, whatever level works for you is the right one.
My wall and mask exist because I don't trust that others will care and won't hurt, ridicule, denigrate and otherwise tear me apart if I show my vulnerability. Neither a good nor fulfilled space to be in. My mask and wall were solid and impenetrable, though, until about 5 years ago when a few life situations (single parent with young children, father with dementia and rapidly failing health, demanding job with a toxic boss...) coincided and the cracks started.
I was hell-bent on coping with it on my own, though, even after I crashed and burned. After I reached my limit at work and just quit, and then my father died, I was holed up in my house, barely able to get out of bed except to do what needed to be done to keep my kids lives reasonably normal, and still I would tell anybody who asked that everything was great.
After about a year or so, I started to open up to friends and family that I wasn't as composed as I appeared. I'd thought that they would have guessed that something wasn't right, but no -- even cracked, my mask is a good one and they were completely surprised. I'd also isolated myself a great deal. My family was actually pretty uncomfortable with the visible emotions, and much prefer me to keep my mask on, so I do with them (at least I know that I come by it honestly!). My friends who were still around had figured that I'd just been really busy -- some were and still are very supportive and we're even closer than we ever were before, while some simply couldn't relate. One of my oldest and best friends couldn't handle it at all -- it would have meant almost a role reversal for us, and she apparently didn't want that. It's been an emotional roller coaster in itself to learn all this about the people around me, but it's brought an honesty to my relationships that had been missing because I hadn't been willing to go there. That's not to say that I go around in a string bikini with regard to my emotions now -- I'm a one-piece (and often sarong) kind of person and that's ok. But it's not out anxiety or fear of judgement that I'm more reserved, it's my preference and choice.
So, a long way of offering you the suggestion of asking yourself why you aren't as emotionally open as the people in your life want you to be. If it's because that's where you feel most true to yourself, then tell them that. If it's because you're scared and you'd really like to get past the fear, well, that's why we're here, isn't it?
I really like manofmusic's commitment to keep only good and honest people in his life -- I've made a similar commitment and it really does make a difference to the way I feel about myself and others.
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Guest
It’s called self disclosure. As a therapist, I learned that concept during intern work many years ago. As my life took turns, and often my whole world toppled over when I least expected, I began to learn that concept in my ordinary day to day life. When you self disclose to another, try to make sure those you choose to share your personal and vulnerable information with are people who are positive and supportive. Want to know who I shared my depression, my participation in this program, and my session work with? The post master in the small town near my ranch; my summer ranch helper; and a dog who lives on my ranch. Really. And guess what, I was rewarded. I received genuinely curious questions followed by enormous support and encouragement. I also received a great deal of friendly tail-wags. Dogs are great at keeping your information confidential. And they always are happy to see you happy. When it comes to sharing the details of my struggles with depression, and the path of my journey out, with professional colleagues and family? NO. And I strongly suggest to most people that they say no to doing that, as well. Why? First, people who are your work-mates don’t need this information. Second, family members often view your vulnerabilities as chinks in their armor -- after all, you are related. So, I agree with your other excellent advice givers here. Choose your self disclosure subjects CAREFULLY, and you will be the better for it.
In summary, when you feel a need to self disclose, select people who have a track record of being positive and non-critical. They will be helpful during this journey. It’s hard enough, you don’t need anyone throwing rocks along the way.
In summary, when you feel a need to self disclose, select people who have a track record of being positive and non-critical. They will be helpful during this journey. It’s hard enough, you don’t need anyone throwing rocks along the way.
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Guest
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Guest
Hi Everyone: Thank you so much for the wise comments, I really appreciate them.
There are people I can trust, and I will let them know in time - when I am most comfortable with the decision to reveal what's been going on with me.
I have to come up with a positive thought to combat the feeling that "if people really knew what I was like, they would just walk away."
Any suggestions there?
~Lynnier
There are people I can trust, and I will let them know in time - when I am most comfortable with the decision to reveal what's been going on with me.
I have to come up with a positive thought to combat the feeling that "if people really knew what I was like, they would just walk away."
Any suggestions there?
~Lynnier