Making it to, and through, work everyday

OnlyChild · Post by **OnlyChild** » Wed Oct 15, 2008 5:31 am

Yes, we all have to work (well most of us anyway). I don't know about the rest of you, but trying to deal with all of this mess (anxiety and depression) AND be a good employee is making this whole thing so, so, so very difficult. Nobody I work with "appears" to be dealing with anything like this. They all "appear" to be very strong emotionally and are a pretty much kick*ss group of people. I, on the other hand, am the wimpy, anxiety and depression ridden team member who has to hide all of this stuff. Bursting out in tears doesn't help matters, either!

How is everyone coping with this? This is such a huge struggle for me. Huge! I wake up sick to my stomach and deal with feeling horrible all day long, every day.

Yes, yes. I know. Positive self-talk. But I'm not there yet and I don't see that that change is going to be an easy one for me. My mind hates me and it works overtime with coming up with thoughts in general but especially negative ones.

Any feedback is appreciated. I feel very alone in my workplace, in life in general in trying to defeat this monster. I hope someone here can help me with this.

mikee b · Post by **mikee b** » Wed Oct 15, 2008 6:15 am

same story here.sometimes it helps to visit this site during lunch . thats what im doing today

More than a conqueror · Post by **More than a conqueror** » Wed Oct 15, 2008 6:18 am

Hi, I would suggest that you take your relaxation cd to work with you and when you feel that your anxiety is getting to a level 5, for example, listen to the cd and that will help your anxiety go down to a 2...Stay away from anything that's negative, including the news.. Also, stop talking negative to yourself and about yourself. For example, if you feel depressed, tell yourself "today I will have a great day! I will rejoice and I will choose to be positive because this is one more day towards my healing..." you can fill in any reason why you should feel happy! Also, don't assume that other ppl are not feeling anxious just because they look ok. You look ok to them too, even in the midst of a panic attack.. so don't worry and quit thinking what other ppl think about you.. I like to tell myself "so what?" "who cares?" when I feel that other ppl are judging me...Finally, if your job is the #1 reason why you feel down and anxious, look for another job. Hope this helps!

DIAA · Post by **DIAA** » Wed Oct 15, 2008 10:15 am

Until one week ago I could work, drive a car, smile, etc. even though I new I had generalized anxiety disorder for years. I had a severe panic problem while trying to take a vacation out west and thought I would not make it back home. I was in complete melt-down mode for 5 days. I thought when I got home I would be okay, but no, I did not work today and only half a day the two days prior to that. I started the program last night. Today I am filled with more nervousness but I think it's because I started the program and I know this is a PROCESS and I want to be better now!

Twiggy21 · Post by **Twiggy21** » Wed Oct 15, 2008 10:43 am

OnlyChild, work is hard for me too. Do you feel like youre whining if you mention that you dont feel well? I do. It is hard to hide these problems. At the same time, you dont want people to think you are fragile, you want them to think you are strong. I know how you feel. I think one thing that is important to remember, though, is that a lot of those people are probably hiding feelings just like you are. They are going throught things, too. Jump in there and make conversation. Surround yourself with the people you are comfortable with. Dont be afraid to show your weakness all the time. It is ok to be vulnerable occasionally. People with any compassion will understand.
DIAA, I am glad you have started the program. The first step to feeling better is wanting and accepting the help. You will get back to normal...don't worry, hang in there.

scottds · Post by **scottds** » Wed Oct 15, 2008 11:18 am

I'm in the same boat here, but let me share this. I did not receive the program yet and today at the very end of the day my boss was gone as usual and we had a bad rejection(production parts) and I'm in Quality. Needless to say I got a panic attac, I was sweating and cold and thought here we go again. I then remembereed some of the good advise from my new found family of friends here.
1 - I did not do this and I can handle it
2 - Breathe
3 - Is this life or death, NO. ok I'll make it
4- Breathe
5 - Don't run from panic
6 - this will pass
7 - Breathe

Thanks all, I feel great right now as I'm home and will have to face more challenge tomorrow as someone will have to answer for these problems, but for tonight I'm safe. As for 3:30 in the morning when I wake up in cold sweats, well one step and one day at a time.

Can't wait for the program so I can enjoy this all the more.

OnlyChild · Post by **OnlyChild** » Thu Oct 16, 2008 4:16 am

Yes, Twiggy21, I do feel like I'm whining. I've even had co-workers comment on how they don't like whiny, needy people seemingly after I have mentioned something about not feeling well. I wish I could say I have found someone here who understands, but I haven't. I've not heard of one other person I work with who even hints at having any problems like mine. I can usually tell when someone is struggling with this type of thing, even when nothing is said. Instead, they are all going to and fro, throwing themselves into their work and living life fully outside of work with all kinds of plans for vacations, family outtings, etc.

I do know of a couple of team members in other departments who have had to deal with some emotional disorders by taking leave and even quitting. Many of the team members in my department responded when they found out by making fun of them, mentioning things like "taking a ride on the crazy train" and such. That very comment came from my boss's wife. If they only understood what they were saying and who it might be affecting. I absolutely DO NOT mention anything about my depression or anxiety for this very reason except to one person and I've only done so a couple of times to her. I can tell she doesn't really "get it", though, as she has never had to deal with it. She always replies with "just do this and everything will be better." I wish!

Twiggy21, I just haven't found that person with compassion that you mentioned. Yes, the one gal cares, but she just doesn't get it and doesn't get why I can't just fix it...presto!

I work in the IT department of a hospital, and from what I can see, everyone is supposed to be on the top of their game 100% of the time. If they aren't feeling well, so what. People in my department come into work sick all of the time even though they have tons of time in the bank available for sick leave. It is like they are super human or something. I am not, that's for sure. Others may work part of a day when not feeling well and then go home, but I don't have that option because I'm not salaried. I don't want to miss much time because (1) My sick time comes out of my vacation time, and (2) I don't want to pile up occurrences that could end up getting me fired. So I sit here and work feeling like crap pretty much all day, every day. I don't have panic attacks per say, I am just in a constant state of feeling ill, anxious and miserable! I feel trapped, almost like I'm in a cage most of the time.

I'm like you, scottds. I am so, so relieved to get home each day. So relieved. I even put off going to bed a lot of times because it means the next thing I will do is wake up and go to work. I live for the weekends and vacations (which are few and far between).

And my job isn't even a stressful one! I am so underemployed it is ridiculous, but I'm afraid to go after something else because I don't want to crumble under the responsibility.

Sigh...