Post
by Guest » Sun Feb 10, 2008 1:40 am
Dear DAWF:
You are so worth more than HIM. You are a beautiful woman(inside & out). You deserve: love/respect/courtesy/honour/loyalty/committment - YOU DESERVE IT ALL. You deserve to be put on a pedistal.
I want to say something, respectively - he is a MOOCH - a leech = a user = abuser - he is NOT A MAN(by genitals only) pardon me for being so frank. When we are going thru recovery, we do a lot of EVALUATING. We not only evaluate ourselves - but the people we have in our lives as well. Carolyn says in the program - when you start to recover, you're gonna see all the negative people you drew to you - cause of your own negativity. However, as you CHANGE - those people are longer condusive to your new healthier & positive outlook & life. There comes a point, during the recovery process - where the recovering person needs to do an INVENTORY EVALUATION of all said people in their life - as hard as it may be & IS, that recovering person needs to courageously DISTANCE themselves fr anyone who is bringing their lives dwn - who doesn't enhance their lives. This guy is like OIL & WATER to you & your recovery.
This man obviously doesn't respect himself - so he definitely is not gonna respect you or your kids. You say you couldn't ask for a better father for your babies. Well, he is not a good father: he would never ever disrespect & abuse the mother of his children the way he does - he wouldn't steal $'s - or that car that you put a payment on - cheat on you. You even state he took your DAUGHTERS $'S right? So how is he a good father? Pls sweetie, STOP MAKING EXCUSES FOR HIM. Your children see the way he treats you - they see & hear his behavior & they see your reaction to what he does to you - THAT IS NOT A GOOD FATHER - that is a pathetic excuse of a man. THAT IS ABUSE.
It may be hard to accept, but OPRAH has this saying "A PERSON WILL ONLY DO WHAT YOU ALLOW THEM TO GET AWAY W/" - you need to stop allowing him to get away w/ it - he is not a good boyfriend, he is not a good father(hell, he's stealing your daughter's money to pay child support for another child - like HELLO), he doesn't enhance the quality of you & your children's lives @ all - he doesn't love you/respect you/care about you & your well being/he has so little respect for you - he is willing to lie/cheat/manipulate you for his own needs.
Sweetie, you are going thru a very difficult time right now - you're fighting hard to recover. You don't need HIS BAGGAGE. BAD COMPANY IS NOT BETTER THAN ANY COMPANY AT ALL. Want more for yourself as the great woman you are & want more for your children. What environment do you think it is setting, that your daughter see's this behavior? She is going to grow up thinking this behavior is acceptable - cause she see's her mama tolerating it.
<span class="ev_code_RED">PLS PLS BELIEVE - YOU ARE A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, KIND, SENSATIVE, CARING, LOVING, STRONG, DESERVING, GENERSOUS WOMAN & MOM - you are entitled to nothing less THAN THE BEST - believe that & start implementing that in your life - for you & YOUR CHILDREN. Yes, experiencing lonliness @ times is hard - heck, I've been home for 3 yrs - for recoving fr anxiety - it was no fun. Being recovering - I am now ready to get back into life: going back to college at night in the fall - during the course of my own recovery, I had to let go of some negative friendships - cause they just not what I wanted for me & my life - I wanted more. You may experience some lonliness when you BREAK UP w/ him - but DAWF you are gonna get so much more in return & you're going to give your daughters so much more in return - You're going to get PRIDE/SELF RESPECT - NOT SETTLING FOR NOTHING BUT THE BEST, AS A RESULT, YOU ARE GOING TO IMPLENT A VERY IMPORTANT SEED FOR YOUR YOUNG DAUGHTERS - by your own example - they too are gonna learn courage/strength/self respect - so when they grow up - they will not tolerate that type of behavior.</span>
Sweetie, I know right now you can't see the forest fr the trees - due to your recovery. However, I want you to ask yourself some questions. I want you to ask yourself these questions when you have ALONE TIME - seriously, be honest w/ yourself - ok:
a) What do I want in life?
b) What am I entitled to?
c) What kind of friendships & relationship do I want?
d) Do I love myself?
e) Do I respect myself? Do I honour myself? Do I take care of myself?
f) What type of relationship do I want w/ a man/husband? What type of man do I want? What personality traits do I DEMAND he have?
g) What do I want this man to encompass?
h) What type of woman do I want to realistically be?
i) What am I willing to do to recover?
J) What type of living environment am I providing for me & my children?
k) Am I setting a good example for my children, so that they grow up to be strong/compassionate/independent/self sufficient adults?
THESE ARE JUST SOME QUES'S - ask yourself these things when alone - be honest. THEN YOU TELL ME IF THAT POOR EXCUSE OF A MAN fits this HEALTHY, POSITIVE, RECOVERED LIFESTYLE you are working so darn hard to obtain for yourself & your children?
<span class="ev_code_RED">Listen, don't believe his nonsense about church & God. Let me tell you fr the get go: God don't like ugly & his actions are the epitamy of disgusting. God loves you baby - no doubt ever - he is by yourside & will never forsake you - THAT IS GOD'S PROMISE TO YOU.</span>
You can get support here @ StressCenter.com - but the actions needed to be taken & responsibility ARE YOUR OWN. Its up to you - YOU ARE WORTH IT. You just need to believe that - cause WE ALL KNOW YOU ARE WORTH IT - WORTH MORE THAN HIM.
God Bless,
LENORE
I did not get to ride in o even drive and had her in it. I put it in his name cause it was either that or I wasn't gettig it tho i paid the $800 down. He took all te money, left with me about to lose the house all the bills in discount. I was not aware of at the time I thought everything was being paid since I was not allowed to do anything with the bills except had my money to him. He took my kid's t his x's house and was ging over there all the time. He was taking my daughters money which is 2 to pay child support o his other kid. We split up to days ago and he went to a concert that nigh with his friend that has been trying to get with me since we first met. We have been together for almost 8 years. He basically say's i am ugly that i do not have a heart and that i should not go to church he say's i hano reason to go i am the devil. I know i am not perfect and yes i do say some mean things to him and i grip alot about things that he has done. Last summer i did go meet a guy and kissed him. My fiance was nevr home he was already cheating and his friends came first. He didn't hav anything to do with me. I did feel bad and told him about it. He now say's i m a whore. I didn't do anything else. Everything has got to be his way or no way and i am tired of his way but do not want him to hurt himself. I love him so very much, but he say's I don't. Ican't tell him how i feel or what i think cause he stops me and puts me down. I just wanna be me again! I wanna be happy and whole. Tho I do not know how i am going to when to him i haft to keep quiet and feel how he wants me to. I might now be pregnant with our 3rd child and i am so confused. Somebody please help me i am so well i don'tknow how i feel. scared and nobody to comfort me sad and nobody cares yelling for help but noone can hear me falling nobody to catch me. I do know tho that my kid's love me and God does also. I don't have any friends to talk to. It is so depressing. I have agerphobia, panic attacks, depression,social anxiety, a form of ocd, and very very angry. I don't know if i wanna go or if i wanna stay when we do split up i feel even more empty then before. Any advice would be so much appreciated and please please pray for me and my family. 
I love you all and thanks so much for reading this.