Starting again and getting it right

just my luck · Post by **just my luck** » Fri Aug 31, 2007 4:24 am

Hi All SOOs, Have a safe trip Girl and lot's of fun too. Ok I've been dealing with alot of home stress and haven't got to 4 yet. I feel good and have been doing my negatives and positives and writing them down. I will do 4 today I've been having some more downs, but have been thinking more positive and it's paid off for me too. Things are turning around here and more good things are happening than bad. I think 3 get's to alot of us and it's hard to get past it your right Dianne. Be strong I am going to be and I will make it through it and I know we all will. I get hope from all of you who have posted and keeps me going. I think there is two threads going now and I don't want to get mixed up. I have enough to keep with one and just want to help all those who want it. We have a long weekend and alot of you will be going places and some won't I just want you all to be safe and have fun. If your staying home and with family enjoy them we all need to enjoy life and live it to it's fullest. I feel that my positive thinking is making my life better. Even though I haven't went to 4 I'm going to and know I will be better for it. If my life has got this better then moving on to 4 and the rest of the program is going to make my life great. I know I will be able to keep it that way too when I finish the program.It all takes time and taking your time with the program is the best thing you can do. If you rush you miss out on the best things in life. Have a Great and Blessed Life. Sherrie

Deborah Evans · Post by **Deborah Evans** » Fri Aug 31, 2007 7:03 am

Way to go Sherrie. Sounds like you are moving right along. Sounds like we all are really putting more into this time around. Your right that #3 is a tough one. But I have been really working on when the negative thoughts come to stop myself. Which before I would just keep on beating myself up. so guess something is sinking in. Even if it just baby steps. I did attempt driving the feeway last Sat. & I did face my fears & did it afraid. Plus I had the Lord's help. But then I find myself so excited about stepping out with baby steps, only to find the dread of the next time. Does anyone have this happen to them in any of your situations??
I guess if we keep trying it will get easier, thats what they say. I haven't quite got that yet.
Love the beatiful pictures girl, along with the posts it makes the day.
Keep on moving forward in each of our own pace & we will come through the fire of anxiety.
Hope everyone has a great & blessed holiday week-end......deb.

InChaos63 · Post by **InChaos63** » Mon Sep 03, 2007 4:43 pm

Hello SOO's. Hope that everyone had a safe and happy weekend. My weekend was frustrating. I'm sorry, but even with everything I've learned from lesson 3 some negativity seems to rear it's ugly head. There has been some positive, I suppose. Baby steps, right Deb? It's like Lucinda said, I've got that bat and I just keep beating myself with it. I truly am my own worst enemy. If I was to try to put a positive spin, I can try. I Our renters paid rent on time this month. That was a positive. I'm finally getting closer to my wife again. That's a great positive. So, why do I let the negatives overshadow the negatives? I think that I need to start session 4 about expectations, so I'm starting 4 tomorrow. My expectations for myself are way too high. It's that fear of failure thing. I'm also having a horrible time sleeping still and it's really bugging me bad. I'm waking up frustrated and depressed and it starts my day off crappy. That's hard too, because I have to be 'up' for my customers and employees. I'm having a sleep study on the 18th and it can't seem to get here quick enough. Between my ADD, and now I've been reading about narcolepsy, and need to figure out why I can't sleep. Or, why do I fall asleep just sitting watching TV, or the fear of falling asleep while driving, which has happened or been really close to happening on numerous occassions. But, I have to drive. I thought it was alcohol, I thought it was from coming down from caffeine or sugar. Ok, everyone, Im sorry for venting my frustrations. I want to feel better, and I do when I write. I know that other people are feeling this and I hope that they can relate. I hope that all know what it means to read what our other SOO's are going through. Starting over was, I think, still a great blessing for me and I wish I'd done it sooner. I know I seem like a downer now, but for today this is how I feel. I'm going to stay strong, though, and keep moving forward and hope that with baby steps, all of us can move along together. You guys help me, hopefully I can help someone too along the way. God bless you all. Let's get better. Matt :p

Deborah Evans · Post by **Deborah Evans** » Fri Sep 07, 2007 7:46 am

Matt, your right baby steps. Boy that seems about all I can take. I hear what you are saying about being your own worst enemy, that sounds like me. I do have too high expectations of myself too, so if I don't get it right the first time I beat myself up too.
Never worry about venting your frustrations, that is what we are here for to listen & encourage each other. It seems for me I have good days, then bad days creep in, which I hate. Just like driving on the freeway for a short distance, I was so excited all day long that I at least tried. Now the dread sets in to have to do it the next time. Do you think this will ever go away. Lately I have felt so uptight that I am having quite a few extra heartbeats. Does anyone ever have this?? It doesn't scare me, because I know what they are, but it gets old. I had to have a EKG the other day & today I got a call saying it came back abnormal. Now I am worried, which causes more extra heartbeats. Seems like a never ending circle at times.
Glad you are trying to turn the negatives into positives. Getting the rent on time, getting closer to your wife, those are good things. Let us know what comes of your sleep study.
Also you do help others when you write, you speak to me & are an encouragement. So don't forget that.
Have a blessed day.....deb.

cotton · Post by **cotton** » Sat Sep 08, 2007 6:07 am

Wow...Howdy everyone!! I don't even have my tapes YET!!! BUT,You all make me want to start over AGAIN, before I start!!! Is this cool or what! I'm wanting to join this group of folks because I've lived with my "anxt's" for years silently and was just waiting some answers. Now
I've found the course, and FOLKS THAT understand. I'm onboard with you all too..

InChaos63 · Post by **InChaos63** » Sat Sep 08, 2007 6:23 pm

Hello SOO's. Well, it's Saturday evening and we're getting ready for bed. When I go to bed, I'm usually very tired and I fall asleep very quickly. But, in the back of my mind, I know that I'm going to have a terrible nights sleep and that makes me anxious. When I'm awake, if I'm idle, I know that I can fall asleep with very little effort, so I try very hard to stay active and not let myself get too relaxed. My wife and I were looking at Narcolepsy in the computer and I don't want to self diagnose myself, but man, I can relate to a lot of that stuff. I can remember all the way back to when I was a kid in school and I used to fall asleep in class all the time. I used to just tell everyone that I was bored and they weren't really teaching me anything. Now I wonder if maybe it was ADD or maybe it was this Narcolepsy thing. I don't know, but I'm going to ask the people when they do the sleep study on me. I just wanted to share some more of my sleep issues with everyone.
Hey Deb, thanks so much for the kind words. I've really never opened up so much about myself until we joined this website. It seems to help because before I never really thought I had any problems. Or maybe it was because I am a man and I don't always think that men should show that they're weak. I am sorry to hear about your EKG. Maybe it was abnormal because your heart rate was up because you were stressed about having the EKG in the first place. I have noticed my heart beating faster on numerous ocassions. Usually it happens when I have to talk to my district manager who doesn't appreciate my contribution. When I've gotten pulled over by the cops before my heart raced really fast. I don't really think it's unusual for it to happen so long as you recognize it for what it is, stress. Slowing down my breathing helps, but I don't always recognize it right away. Session two helps me with that. I've never had a fear, or dread, of driving, except for my fear of falling asleep while driving. That scares me. I try to chew gum or keep the music cranked up, or the stress center cd's. I won't listen to the relaxation cd in my truck, because I don't want to get too relaxed. Good luck, Deb, with what your going through. You're a good person and you have God, and a lot of good friends here to support you. Positive thoughts, and prayers, are here for you too. You know so much about me, let me know if I can do anything to help you. Here's some positive karma for you

Hey Cotton, welcome to the group. It's never to late to try to conquer anxiety or depression. If I was to give anyone new advice, I'd say take your time. It's too easy to just move on to the next session just to work your way towards the end. Or, to get overwhelmed and just give up. Anyone else relate to that (lol). Why do you think there are so many views on this thread. Of course, you can start over as many times as you want. There are very valuable tools here. The cd's are great. This website is great also. The support structure here is fantastic. There are several people here who have been through the program completely. Yet, they stick around and offer advice, even years after they've been "cured". I use that term lightly. It's almost like alcoholism. There are many addictive behaviors involved with these conditions. My own list of addictions is long, but thanks to support from these wonderful people, we will get throught this. God bless you all and wish you all continued well being and peace of mind. Matt

Dianne H.G. · Post by **Dianne H.G.** » Mon Sep 10, 2007 11:57 am

Hey all you SOOs, and welcome to Cotton; I have been "absent" for a while, we all have good excuses because it doesn't matter with this group, we are always excused - it's just here if we need it. I have been on the road a lot, and didn't take my program materials, lots of driving I think I could have used it b/c I feel a little "lapsed." Like focusing on what I don't like, and forgetting what to do about it! For example, I drove 8-9 hours yesterday from Boulder, CO to Omaha, and was getting so anxious being enclosed in that car I just wanted to park it and GET OUT! But that's just me upsetting myself of course. So I had to figure out that it's up to me to make it bearable or worse than it really is. I see everyone else is dealing with their challenges. A review of sessions 3 and 4 is in order for me. I'm on 5, but I am going to revisit the prior ones. It's good to read what everyone is thinking. Keep it coming, I'll keep checking. Everybody try to stay positive, you are all making progress - that's a LOT!

just my luck · Post by **just my luck** » Mon Sep 10, 2007 12:01 pm

Hi ya all SOOs and a big Howdy to Cotton and welcome aboard. There are a few of us that have had the program and didn't start it yet. So starting over overers's welcome anyone who want to start the program and finish it. We are here to help all with our stories and support we'll all get through it and finish it.
I've been having a time with my expectations yea I'm on session 4 and shoulds are all out of wack. I'm up I'm down and my head is spinning around. I read a post on this site and I know I feel like I don't know what to do. I want to move on with my life and can't figure out how to do it. There is so much stress in my life right now and when I think I can put into it's place and not get scared it changes. I'm a person that has to have a plan with things they have to make some sense to me. Lately I can't think I don't know if what I'm doing is the shoulds I shouldn't be doing or the one's I should be doing. See I'm all mixed up and I don't want the negative thinking to take over in my head and it has sometimes.
I'm not trying to be a downer or anything and I haven't posted because of the way I feel. Then I thought wait a minute that's not fair to you all when you have leaned on all of us and shared your problems. I'm sticking with 4 for now maybe the rest of this week so I can get things on the right track my stresses and here at home in the right places. I want to think more positive about them and I know I do have positive things going on in my life too. I guess life isn't all roses and you got to take to good with the bad. It's just hard sometimes and it makes it hard to move on with the program.
Deb, I wish you the best of luck with your heart and know things will turn out alright for you. I have you in my prayers and the Lord is with you now stay strong like I'm going too with this program and together we will make it.
I hope to write soon with a more positive note and know I will cause I will stay with the program. Just knowing with all of you in here supporting me makes me strong and feel I can conquer anything. Sometimes we get stuck and want to give up, but life isn't easy and neither is getting over our problems and addictions. Matt you have gave me the strength with my addictions to carry on with the program knowing I can over come this to. I think back in one or two this condition is temporary and recovery won't happen over night or even with moving on to the next session. So knowing that I will keep moving on and learning how to get over this temporary condition. Thank you all once again for listening to me and Bless you all for being there for us all.
Have a Great Day! :p Sherrie

GirlWisdom · Post by **GirlWisdom** » Mon Sep 10, 2007 1:21 pm

Oh my God. My computer has been down for the last two weeks. It was so stressful not being able to post and talk to you guys. I've gone through four modems in one month. My cable company is giving people used modems, and it's ridiculous. It's not so bad giving out used modems, but at least they could be in good working order first. Anyhow, I had to vent but it's good to be back. I felt so lost not being online. Sherrie, I'm proud of you for posting even when you didn't feel like it, or when you thought it's not a good time. We are here for each other, and life is a train ride, and sometimes the ride is a bumpy one, and sometimes trains go off the track, but just keep up the good work and the program. You will be fine. I'm only on session two still, because I have to admit, I lost some of my motivation lately, but it's down to business again. This time, I'll keep on keeping on. I'll be online everyday like I use to be, so if you don't see me it's because my computer is once again screwed up, but hopefully it's OK now.

Welcome to any new people and hi to all the people I haven't spoke with in awhile. God Bless!

Dianne H.G. · Post by **Dianne H.G.** » Tue Sep 11, 2007 12:50 pm

Howdy SOOs - great to have you still on board, even with everything going on in your lives - Sherrie, are you still feeling down? If you want to you can tell us what it is, we are here to listen. Those darn "shoulds!" I don't should on myself anymore, but I should about others - like they should be nicer to others, or should not break the rules like run red lights, etc. - you know, things I can't control and have expectations for others' behavior. I don't want to control others, I'm more about trying to control what HAPPENS to me. So that is not good either.

GirlW - glad you got back on-line! While you were camping, someone wrote an Ode to GirlW of sorts about all your awesome pictures. I don't know if you saw that or not.