Starting again and getting it right

Dianne H.G. · Post by **Dianne H.G.** » Sun Aug 12, 2007 1:44 am

Hi and good morning to the Starting Over Overers - I have made it to session 3, the one about negative self talk and have stayed on it for over a couple weeks now b/c it's a pivotal one, and I know it hasn't stuck well enough for me to move on from it yet. It's a key piece, so I want to get it down right before I take on the next step. I can change my negative thinking if I really stop and focus on it, but it's so automatic (habit), it's going to need plenty of time. I'm seeing some improvement though, and hoping to make the change more solidly grounded in my SELF. How is everyone else doing with their work, where are you in your sessions?

just my luck · Post by **just my luck** » Tue Aug 14, 2007 9:55 am

Hello everyone, the start over overers- I'm with you Dianne and taking is slow. I'm on session 2 now and even though I don't panic. I think it's inportant too for me because there is times when my anxiety gets a little on the high side and I feel my heart in my throat. All of the sessions are is some aspect of our lives. Some more than other and some not but doesn't make any less inportant. I know when you start your anxiety is up then you go down. It's like a sugar high when you eat alot and then you don't your tired. It doesn't mean your failing and don't think you are. Were all here and going nowhere if you need help or some support PM any one of us and we will help you get going again or a nudge. We all get there and we all know it and are here for each other to make it to the end. So keep up the posting and don't think you are alone for one minute. We joined and are all here for a reason to get better and we will we can't loose as long as we stick together. Have a Great Day and Life! Sherrie

GirlWisdom · Post by **GirlWisdom** » Tue Aug 14, 2007 10:38 am

Hi everyone! I'm sorry I haven't been here lately, my computer modem went on the blink, and I had to have my ISP come and bring me a new one, and I had to wait a week for a service call. I was going crazy not being able to be on here. However, I am still going strong with our start over idea.

I hope your all doing well, and I was thinking about you all. I'm beginning lesson two now. Better late than never

Hugs and Peace
Good to be Back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

InChaos63 · Post by **InChaos63** » Tue Aug 14, 2007 4:50 pm

Hello Starting Overers. Wow, there has been so much written and so many thoughts expressed over the last couple of days, it's just awesome. Well, I wanted to start off by thanking Deb and Dianne for a different light for me on the approval addiction. It's so amazing to hear it said in that way. I've been prone to addictive behavior and I really had no idea that this was another on my list of addictions that I'm having to put behind me. Dianne, you sound like you've become very strong and perhaps I can use these posts to gain more and more in my own strength of will. It's all about perspective and our perception of success and happinessand positive self worth. I totally understand the black sheep syndrome. I've felt that way since I left home the day that I turned 17. That was 27 years ago. I'm going to try very hard to find that book about approval addiction. It felt so good to share that with everyone. Some of the stuff I've posted here I've never shared with anyone.
Deb, I am sorry about your mom's passing without you getting the approval you yearned for. Also, the things your dad said was horrible and I'd say my dad is a different extreme. He'd always been the hardest working guy I'd ever met and by the time he'd disabled himself out of work, I'd already moved out. I don't think he has a clue on how to compliment his own children. Maybe it's just that generation thing. If we were to get praise, perhaps we'd become complacent and not put forth so much effort in life. Maybe that was their way to make us strive for more. Just like my boss at work. I think if he told me I was good at anything I'd probably die on the spot. Anyway, enough of that, I'm going to try you two girls perspective and I'm going to grow from that.
Colorado Sunshine, what a beautiful name. I totally love the way you compared lifes challenges to your training and learning with horses. I love horses. They are such amazing and majestic animals. When I was a kid, I had a friend who's family had horses and we went to a couple of rodeos with them. I can see the similarities about falling off and really trying to find the courage to get back up and get back on such a big animal, especially when you're young, they must seem gigantic. Life can be exactly like that, can't it. It would always be so easy just to not get back on and accept it as a failure and just move on. But the strength to get back up, that is true courage. Just like us getting back in to this program, we all have to pull together all of our strength and then get back on this horse. But this beautiful majestic animal is us and our lives. We are all beautiful, special people and we deserve all of the best things that life has to offer. I, too would like to thank Just my Luck for starting this awesome post and helping us get back on track. She has given me such a good reason to get back up and start over again. I'm starting session 2 tomorrow and even though I don't recall having panic attacks, I have, on several occasions, had the feeling of wanting to run. My job is very fast paced and I have a lot of pressure. How easy it would be to get off of that horse and just run as fast as I can in the opposite direction. But what would everyone think? That thought is always there. But, I have to succeed, I have to. If I fail, everyone will know and say "see, I told you he would quit, he's a quitter." I wouldn't be able to look at myself in the mirror. My dad told me not to be afraid to go on welfare, it was almost like an invitation to failure to me. I am not going to fail, and none of you are either. We are winners for getting back on this horse and we will ride off into that beautiful sunset picture that Girl Wisdom sent us earlier. Welcome back, by the way Girl. Glad your computer is back up and running. I'd love to see some more of those inspirational pictures. Take care all. Continued luck to us all. Matt

John Candler · Post by **John Candler** » Wed Aug 15, 2007 12:47 am

Girlwisdom welcome back! It has been awhile. Computers can sure be frustrating. Anyway good luck with lesson 2 and remember we are all here for you. Love you john candler

just my luck · Post by **just my luck** » Thu Aug 16, 2007 5:29 am

Hello Everyone, Welcome back Girl we have missed you alot so glad your back. Ok one I was wrong I do get panic attacks and they may not be run away ones they are little but panic little or big are still panic attacks. It's when I want to do something like leave the house put an application in or talking to someone about something I get all nervous and sweat and can't think right. So session two reminded me of that. I think as humans we forget sometimes and it's good to review stuff you never know what you might of missed. I've been thinking negative about I'm not good enough to get this job and do I really know what I'm talking about. I didn't think or should I say wasn't thinking this was negative and two showed me it was. I wanted to share that with you all to let you know it is good to start over again. When I get to the end and I know with all of your support I we will. I will keep reviewing it over again to keep reminded myself of things I might forget. Now I can't wait til I get to three so I can learn to talk to myself in a positive manner too. I also want to thank you all for you responses back your doing a real good thing for yourselves and let's all keep up the good work it's for the better of us all. Have a Great Day! Sherrie :p

Bracken · Post by **Bracken** » Thu Aug 16, 2007 6:29 am

I too am starting over. I couldn't quite grasp lesson 3 so I just quit. I was feeling a little better and figured that was good enough. I was wrong. Many months later I'm back to do it right.

Deborah Evans · Post by **Deborah Evans** » Thu Aug 16, 2007 10:58 am

Welcome Bracken,
Good to have you with all of us starting overs. That is great you are starting over. I was starting session 6 & stopped for awhile, so I too realized how important it was to start over again after reading just my luck's post.
It seems things can become overwhelming at times, at least for me. When I start to feel panicky all the things to remember, the breathing, relaxing, self-soothing talk, think positive instead of negative. Boy I think how will I ever remember all of this or even get it down. So we will by helping & encouraging each other. We need to keep hanging in there, because this will sink in.
I am posting this, because my first one didn't seem to go through, so if it did then you will know why I posted again.
deb.

Dianne H.G. · Post by **Dianne H.G.** » Thu Aug 16, 2007 12:19 pm

HEY There all you Startin Over Overers (SOOs)- SOo, how is everybody coming along? Matt, did you get that book on Approval Addiction? Let me know if it's any good, I think I can use something like that. Sherrie, keep at it, you're doing great, it's like you said, we have ups and downs, but that is normal. I am getting better with the downs, the ups aren't very frequent in general, so I think I have to go looking for them - sometimes you have to look really hard! Like lift up rocks and search everything! I decided I tormented the session #3 on negative thinking enough for now, so moved on to #4 on Expectations. It's very helpful, but I still need to keep negative thinking in my active memory b/c I lapse so easily if I don't keep working diligently. How about everybody else - what's been on your minds and in your hearts and feelings? Are you having any ups? What about downs? Are you needing some support? We're still here! Dianne

InChaos63 · Post by **InChaos63** » Thu Aug 16, 2007 4:45 pm

Good evening all of us SOO's. I really like the abbreviation Dianne, and it's so much easier to say. Welcome Bracken. Anyone who is strong enough to admit they're ready to start over and really get it right is more than welcome to our ever growing group. I personally think that there are many more out there starting over than who may be posting. It's cool if people don't post. There is so much to learn from people who are posting. It helps me so much to post now, and to read other peoples posts. People who feel, or have felt what you're feeling or what you may have gone through in life. We all can relate to something. That's what makes us strong. The support is awesome. I feel like I am making friends with people with whom I probably would never have met in person.
Hey, Diane, no I haven't had a chance to pick up that book yet. I haven't had much money lately. I'm going through the house remodel from Hell. That's another post altogether. Anyway, I'll be looking for that book this weekend and I'll let you know.
This week I started session two and I never really thought that I had panic attacks. But, now I realize that the rapid breathing, the feeling that my heart was going to beat out of my chest, was not just from caffeine overload. We have this district manager at my job who really puts the fear into me. Never can I remember anyone that actually made my armpits sweat. He never gives us any praise (there I go again looking for approval), and he has always made me feel as though my job was on the line. There was a time when we were doing inventory and I was organizing counting teams and he came in questioned me in front of everyone and I tried to keep my cool but I just wanted to either punch him or run. Instead I decided to stick it out and take the critisism like a man. My heart was going so fast. After he walked away, I tried to speak to one of my guys and I could barely speak. It was almost like I'd lost my breath. I managed more of a squeak and then I had to repeat myself because he couldn't understand mouse tongue. I finally managed and moved on. But now every time I see him I get the feeling that I'm not worthy in his eyes. Even though I know I'm good at what I do, to hear it once in a while would be nice from a higher up. I'm starting to look forward to session three. I could use some positive self talk. Well I'm going to start by giving some positive thoughts to everyone in this group. I'm proud of all of you for taking these positive steps in self growth in self improvement. We are all good people and no one should be able to tell us otherwise. All of the encouragement from evryone is what truly keeps me going and I hope it has the same affect on all of you. Together we are one big strong, self supportive unit that can't be broken. We will get it down and we will get back on that horse and ride again. Thanks again for that, Colorado Sunshine, it holds so true. Good continued luck to everyone. Matt