Starting again and getting it right
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Janet S. C.
- Posts: 5
- Joined: Sat Jul 21, 2007 6:32 am
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just my luck
- Posts: 29
- Joined: Tue Jan 16, 2007 11:52 am
Welcome Janet the more people we get the more support. I'm like you doing the program feeling better and stopped it. I'm taking it slower and really trying to understand and learn it this time. I couldn't get the breathing down last time, but this time I am and I think it is because I slowed down with it and didn't try and do everything all at once. There is still some stuff I haven't done and won't let that stop me from going on with the program. Glad your here and together we all will get through it good luck to us all. Have a Great Day! Sherrie
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Deborah Evans
- Posts: 17
- Joined: Thu May 31, 2007 1:20 pm
welcome Janet,
I to have done the same thing. I was starting session 4 or 5 then felt somewhat better, so I stopped for awhile, but then started back with session 6.
I do have to say yesterday I decided to start over with session 1 again too.
We do need to support each other. It gets lonely at there feeling all by yourself.
God Bless, deb.
I to have done the same thing. I was starting session 4 or 5 then felt somewhat better, so I stopped for awhile, but then started back with session 6.
I do have to say yesterday I decided to start over with session 1 again too.
We do need to support each other. It gets lonely at there feeling all by yourself.
God Bless, deb.
Hello everyone. I'd like to welcome Janet and Deb back to lesson 1 with the rest of us. You know, I don't really feel like a failure for starting over. I feel actually very good by giving myself a new start and this time really getting it right and doing it all of the way through. I also made it as far as lesson five before I stopped because I didn't really feel like I needed any more help. This week I've listened to cd # 1 three times and I am looking forward to going to lesson 2 next week. I'm learning an awful lot about myself and it makes me think why I am the way I am. Some of the time that I was afraid to do something, it was because I was because I had low self esteem and I was scared to death of embarassing myself. My mom always told us kids we were going to be fat and broke. Even now, I strive so hard to succeed, just hoping to hear either one of my folks say that they're proud of me. Instead I hear that my brother is probably the smartest kid in our family and my sister probably makes more money than us other kids combined. So why do I still try so hard. Maybe because I'm a perfectionist and I have to always do things to an extreme point, Just to where it starts to drive my wife crazy. She's very patient to be able to deal with my issues. I guess it's mutual. Anyway, now I'm beginning to ramble. Again, welcome Janet and Deb to the Starting Over Overers Group. Good luck to us all. We will make it through this, if we all stick together. If I can help anyone, or if anyone wants to chat personally, let me know and I'll give out my e-mail address. Take care everyone. Matt 
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Dianne H.G.
- Posts: 19
- Joined: Tue Dec 05, 2006 4:59 pm
Yep, I can relate to the messages we have heard and how we process those. Both my sisters have been highly successful in the ways that people seem to notice - being all impressed by their homes, cars, wealth, etc. Then there's me, in the middle, feeling like someone has to be the black sheep so assign that role to me. Through this program, I am fighting hard to overcome the messages I tell myself, despite what others say and do. That is my main battle. Lucinda says that, unfortunately, that is the world - people aren't always supportive, in fact they can be pretty awful. Do we have to engage in their idiocy? NO! So now I am coming from a place of better strength and power, and people are responding to it. They realize they will have to go find someone else to degrade. I am sorry for them because I am feeling better and stronger, and they don't have what I have! Everybody keep at it, it will reinforce you for your efforts! Dianne
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Deborah Evans
- Posts: 17
- Joined: Thu May 31, 2007 1:20 pm
Thanks Matt for the welcome. I totally relate to what you are saying about the approval of parents. I grew up in an alcoholic home, both parents. My sister was always better & smarter than I was. She is 6 years older than I am, so she was great at everything, more friends, etc. I always felt out of place, because my parents would tease me about you will never be able to do the things your sister does. I also grew up with mental & emotional abuse from my dad & mom, but my dad was the worst. I could never get anything right. I didn't do that well in school, to worried what was going to happen at home. I waited all those years trying to get the confirmation that I was good & that I did know something, but it never happened. My dad just a few years ago, told me I was worthless & just that close to being cut out of his will. I said go ahead, money isn't what I want, I just wanted a dad. Well my mother passed away 2 1/2 yrs. ago, & she never was able to say good job or anything to me. So I have been learning not to strive for their approval, because it will never come. I have just started reading Joyce Meyer book on "Approval Addiction".
We are all very special people & we will make it because we have each other, not parents who are unhealthly themselves & unable to love us or whatever approve of us. We need to approve of ourselves, which is a tough one for me to do. But I am working on it. So we can stick together & we will make it, because we are all good & wonderful people.
Thanks again to Just my Luck (Sherrie) for reaching out to all of us.
Have a wonderful day. deb.
We are all very special people & we will make it because we have each other, not parents who are unhealthly themselves & unable to love us or whatever approve of us. We need to approve of ourselves, which is a tough one for me to do. But I am working on it. So we can stick together & we will make it, because we are all good & wonderful people.
Thanks again to Just my Luck (Sherrie) for reaching out to all of us.
Have a wonderful day. deb.
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Colorado Sunshine
- Posts: 1
- Joined: Wed Jul 25, 2007 7:39 pm
mominned:
I am also located in Colorado (SW) south of Grand Junction. I've been through the program once (began Dec 06) and stayed right with it - I have to admit that I didn't do all the "homework" assignments like I should have due to the intensity of my anxiety/depression. At times i couldn't concentrate and felt so much anxiety, depression and pessure in my head, that my husband read the information to me!! Well, I was doing great, at least others could see a BIG difference and I was beginning to feel more alive.
THEN...the end of June it hit me like a brick wall...the anxiety /trying to fight off the depression. I know exactly what you mean about the feeling of "wanting to run" - I had the exact feeling this past Thursday in the midst of a gathering of our friends and felt embarrassed and it would mean I was a failure in the eyes of my friends to "run" away to my bedroom, curl up in bed and cover my head with my pillow. So I took my anxiety med and stayed in there suffering inside the entire time.
I AM STARTING THE PROGRAM OVER and I feel it is a real "badge of honor" to anyone who has fought sooo hard and has began to see the changes and now is relapsing so to speak. It speaks of our great courage to admit that we are still not where we want to be emotionally or physically and have the GUTS to get in there and keep at it - fine tuning the skills that program has given us.
I am a real "horse lover" and perhaps I can relate our process of recovering and healing to learning to ride a horse. The first time we are on a horse it might be in front of Walmart as someone put a quarter in the slot. As a small child it may have been frightening at first and yet you faced it - let go of clinging to mom or dad and began to admit to yourself that you were afraid but with assurance and being shown "how" to hang on, sit up straight and enjoy the ride you felt that deep change of emotions and the joy of learning to control your emotions.
I moved on from the Walmart horse to the real thing...however, this was once again I felt that same fear and anxiety as when I was placed on that Walmart horse. Despite what my emotions were telling me - I had made progress -and had gained the strenth and desire to move forward to new steps forward in the journey of horsemanship. At first, my uncle sat me on the pony and I felt knew issues of the movement of the saddle on to of this "live" animal...I was scared, anxious and was thinking that "I wanted off". With the support and training of my uncle I began to feel comfortable and began petting the horse as I rode and even talking to the horse and talking to myself - assuring myself that I was doing great, I liked this, I wanted to be able to ride this pony all by myself (self-talk). I tested my confidence by letting hold of the saddle horn and holding my arms out to my side (no problem), then tentatively taking hold of the reins; my uncle with his hand close to the horses bridle to assure me that I could do it on my own. My family and friends were so encouraging and I was sure I was well on my way to accompishing anything with my new friend - my horse and me.
THEN....came the day I fell off!!! I was confused at why it happened; anxious and panicy at approaching my friend - my pony!! It didn't happen overnight, but I started all over again --not at the point of the Walmart horse but at the point of progress that I had made with real life...first, I slowly was able to approach the horse, talk to him and myself and then he turned and touched my cheek with his nostrils as if to assure me that together we could get through this and not only get to the point of riding we had previously achieved but go further that I could imagine...if I was willing to stick with it, talk to him and myself positively and put that "fall" in the past I could get past this point and on to greater relationship with him, myself and my skills.
Still today, I've ridden competion, worked halter breaking young foals with all their anxiety and the new experience of having a halter placed on their face; learning to lead and be tied. Some need more patience, more time, more physical touch and need to hear a voice assuring them this is just the first in a great adventure of life as a horse for him. At 2 yrs old - once again they are brought in from the field and they have made progress but in many ways the program starts all over again. In the long run...each time I started a process of growth the horse felt anxiety and uncertainty and many wanted to "run" way from the very thing that would make them a great horse with the ability to handle more specific and challenging training and be better for it!!!
Ronald Reagan said: The best thing for the inside of a (person) is the outside of a horse. I'm trying to remind myself daily of these experiences with my horses and how each one moved on to greatness in their own training field. Every morning for example was a great example...I never got on a horse, so to speak, "cold". They had to be "warmed" up - exercised, repeating certain routines & skills and then they were ready to move on with training or a pleasure ride.
I HATE THE FEELING OF ANXIETY WITHIN MYSELF - and therefore, I think it is the very best thing I CAN DO FOR MYSELF by doing the Program again and fine tuning the skills I learned about the first time. I'M DETERMINED TO FEEL CALM AND FULLY ALIVE - Let's determined to do it together!!! Don't give up, God has great thing in store for you and for me. It's okay to struggle and even fall down at times but key to accomplishing our goal is to GET UP AGAIN!!!
Yes, I feel the anxiety and I'm struggling with it now and I at times have to take my anxiety meds BUT I'm not where I was a year ago and I don't ever want to go back there again.
YOU CAN DO IT, GIRLFRIEND!!! I'm praying for you so - TAKE IT ONE STEP AT A TIME - TRY WITH ALL THAT'S IN YOU TO "RELAX" MENTALLY AND EMOTIONALLY WHEN YOU FEEL THE ANXIETY BEGIN; TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF EVEN IF THAT MEANS GETTING ALONE - BY YOURSELF TO REGROUP - AND THEN GO OUT LOVING YOURSELF FOR THE PROGRESS YOU HAVE MADE SO FAR - AND GO MAKE IT A GOOD DAY! We are all pulling for you because we have either been there or are at that point right now. We truly need the encouragement of one another! YOU CAN DO IT....BE PATIENT WITH YOURSELF...AND LEARN TO BREATHE IN ORDER TO RELAX THAT INNER FEELING OF ANXIETY! We are all here for you!!! Sunshine (that's my self-talk to where I want to be once again!!)
I am also located in Colorado (SW) south of Grand Junction. I've been through the program once (began Dec 06) and stayed right with it - I have to admit that I didn't do all the "homework" assignments like I should have due to the intensity of my anxiety/depression. At times i couldn't concentrate and felt so much anxiety, depression and pessure in my head, that my husband read the information to me!! Well, I was doing great, at least others could see a BIG difference and I was beginning to feel more alive.
THEN...the end of June it hit me like a brick wall...the anxiety /trying to fight off the depression. I know exactly what you mean about the feeling of "wanting to run" - I had the exact feeling this past Thursday in the midst of a gathering of our friends and felt embarrassed and it would mean I was a failure in the eyes of my friends to "run" away to my bedroom, curl up in bed and cover my head with my pillow. So I took my anxiety med and stayed in there suffering inside the entire time.
I AM STARTING THE PROGRAM OVER and I feel it is a real "badge of honor" to anyone who has fought sooo hard and has began to see the changes and now is relapsing so to speak. It speaks of our great courage to admit that we are still not where we want to be emotionally or physically and have the GUTS to get in there and keep at it - fine tuning the skills that program has given us.
I am a real "horse lover" and perhaps I can relate our process of recovering and healing to learning to ride a horse. The first time we are on a horse it might be in front of Walmart as someone put a quarter in the slot. As a small child it may have been frightening at first and yet you faced it - let go of clinging to mom or dad and began to admit to yourself that you were afraid but with assurance and being shown "how" to hang on, sit up straight and enjoy the ride you felt that deep change of emotions and the joy of learning to control your emotions.
I moved on from the Walmart horse to the real thing...however, this was once again I felt that same fear and anxiety as when I was placed on that Walmart horse. Despite what my emotions were telling me - I had made progress -and had gained the strenth and desire to move forward to new steps forward in the journey of horsemanship. At first, my uncle sat me on the pony and I felt knew issues of the movement of the saddle on to of this "live" animal...I was scared, anxious and was thinking that "I wanted off". With the support and training of my uncle I began to feel comfortable and began petting the horse as I rode and even talking to the horse and talking to myself - assuring myself that I was doing great, I liked this, I wanted to be able to ride this pony all by myself (self-talk). I tested my confidence by letting hold of the saddle horn and holding my arms out to my side (no problem), then tentatively taking hold of the reins; my uncle with his hand close to the horses bridle to assure me that I could do it on my own. My family and friends were so encouraging and I was sure I was well on my way to accompishing anything with my new friend - my horse and me.
THEN....came the day I fell off!!! I was confused at why it happened; anxious and panicy at approaching my friend - my pony!! It didn't happen overnight, but I started all over again --not at the point of the Walmart horse but at the point of progress that I had made with real life...first, I slowly was able to approach the horse, talk to him and myself and then he turned and touched my cheek with his nostrils as if to assure me that together we could get through this and not only get to the point of riding we had previously achieved but go further that I could imagine...if I was willing to stick with it, talk to him and myself positively and put that "fall" in the past I could get past this point and on to greater relationship with him, myself and my skills.
Still today, I've ridden competion, worked halter breaking young foals with all their anxiety and the new experience of having a halter placed on their face; learning to lead and be tied. Some need more patience, more time, more physical touch and need to hear a voice assuring them this is just the first in a great adventure of life as a horse for him. At 2 yrs old - once again they are brought in from the field and they have made progress but in many ways the program starts all over again. In the long run...each time I started a process of growth the horse felt anxiety and uncertainty and many wanted to "run" way from the very thing that would make them a great horse with the ability to handle more specific and challenging training and be better for it!!!
Ronald Reagan said: The best thing for the inside of a (person) is the outside of a horse. I'm trying to remind myself daily of these experiences with my horses and how each one moved on to greatness in their own training field. Every morning for example was a great example...I never got on a horse, so to speak, "cold". They had to be "warmed" up - exercised, repeating certain routines & skills and then they were ready to move on with training or a pleasure ride.
I HATE THE FEELING OF ANXIETY WITHIN MYSELF - and therefore, I think it is the very best thing I CAN DO FOR MYSELF by doing the Program again and fine tuning the skills I learned about the first time. I'M DETERMINED TO FEEL CALM AND FULLY ALIVE - Let's determined to do it together!!! Don't give up, God has great thing in store for you and for me. It's okay to struggle and even fall down at times but key to accomplishing our goal is to GET UP AGAIN!!!
Yes, I feel the anxiety and I'm struggling with it now and I at times have to take my anxiety meds BUT I'm not where I was a year ago and I don't ever want to go back there again.
YOU CAN DO IT, GIRLFRIEND!!! I'm praying for you so - TAKE IT ONE STEP AT A TIME - TRY WITH ALL THAT'S IN YOU TO "RELAX" MENTALLY AND EMOTIONALLY WHEN YOU FEEL THE ANXIETY BEGIN; TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF EVEN IF THAT MEANS GETTING ALONE - BY YOURSELF TO REGROUP - AND THEN GO OUT LOVING YOURSELF FOR THE PROGRESS YOU HAVE MADE SO FAR - AND GO MAKE IT A GOOD DAY! We are all pulling for you because we have either been there or are at that point right now. We truly need the encouragement of one another! YOU CAN DO IT....BE PATIENT WITH YOURSELF...AND LEARN TO BREATHE IN ORDER TO RELAX THAT INNER FEELING OF ANXIETY! We are all here for you!!! Sunshine (that's my self-talk to where I want to be once again!!)
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Dianne H.G.
- Posts: 19
- Joined: Tue Dec 05, 2006 4:59 pm
Colorado Sunshine - how great you came back, you were suffering so much with your anxiety and depression - we all kinda hit the skids - temporarily. My anxiety was so bad I too avoided facing it in the program, I was trying to run from it, but it just really got worse and now I am much better since resuming the work of the program.
Deborah - lots of people on here came from homes just like yours - Lucinda had alcoholic father as I recall. Both my parents were alcoholic, recovered, lapsed, etc. Anyways, I know the conflict and damage it can create. My goal is to thrive despite what that dysfunctional upbringing was - and it's major, years and years of "stuff." But I am not going to take it with me forever, I am letting go of it - they'll probably never take responsibility or acknowledge that they may have caused hurt, but YOU can heal and love yourself anyway. Dianne
Deborah - lots of people on here came from homes just like yours - Lucinda had alcoholic father as I recall. Both my parents were alcoholic, recovered, lapsed, etc. Anyways, I know the conflict and damage it can create. My goal is to thrive despite what that dysfunctional upbringing was - and it's major, years and years of "stuff." But I am not going to take it with me forever, I am letting go of it - they'll probably never take responsibility or acknowledge that they may have caused hurt, but YOU can heal and love yourself anyway. Dianne
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Deborah Evans
- Posts: 17
- Joined: Thu May 31, 2007 1:20 pm
Sunshine, you said it so beautifully. I know that very feeling about wanting to run. I thought I was the only one who experienced that. Glad to hear I am not alone. I use to ride horses several years ago. I am a animal lover, because they just love you no matter what & are always there. Your story is great & glad to hear you are staring over too & your right we all will make it. It does take alot of courage to confess what we have, with that we stopped & are starting over. I too had so much anxiety when I started the program for the first time, doing the workbook, etc. I felt nothing but pressure & anxiety was on me like glue, I hated it. But since listening to the first session, I don't feel quite as anxious. So maybe the starting over is a God sent some way.
Diane, thank you for your encouraging words. Your right alcoholic parents don't realize the damage they do or leave behind. My dad use to beat my mom up pretty much every night. I always had to try & stop them, then if I didn't side with him, I was in trouble. I have been able to forgive my dad, which he is still alive. But I can't handle calling & talking to him, plus he isn't interested anyway. But he has always given me knots in my stomach. I feel freedom from him, not having to talk to him. I would try, but when I would get off the phone, I was so upset & would chew on what he said for days. I realized I needed to take care of myself. I have never really had many friends, due to being embarrassed they would find out about my parents, so for me I have been pretty much of a loner while growing up. Then the anxiety makes it hard to have friends & be comfortable with who I am. So thank you all so very much for including me & reaching out to me too. I appauld all of you for your courage & determination to do this program again. So lets hang in there together.
I know what you mean about being or feeling like your the black sheep, that is exactly how I have always felt. In fact it at times has caused me to have a hard time trusting my heavenly Father.
God Bless all of you. deb.
Diane, thank you for your encouraging words. Your right alcoholic parents don't realize the damage they do or leave behind. My dad use to beat my mom up pretty much every night. I always had to try & stop them, then if I didn't side with him, I was in trouble. I have been able to forgive my dad, which he is still alive. But I can't handle calling & talking to him, plus he isn't interested anyway. But he has always given me knots in my stomach. I feel freedom from him, not having to talk to him. I would try, but when I would get off the phone, I was so upset & would chew on what he said for days. I realized I needed to take care of myself. I have never really had many friends, due to being embarrassed they would find out about my parents, so for me I have been pretty much of a loner while growing up. Then the anxiety makes it hard to have friends & be comfortable with who I am. So thank you all so very much for including me & reaching out to me too. I appauld all of you for your courage & determination to do this program again. So lets hang in there together.
I know what you mean about being or feeling like your the black sheep, that is exactly how I have always felt. In fact it at times has caused me to have a hard time trusting my heavenly Father.
God Bless all of you. deb.
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just my luck
- Posts: 29
- Joined: Tue Jan 16, 2007 11:52 am
Wow and Hello Everyone who has join us brave people and starting again and yes we will get it right this time around. Welcome Dianne and Colorado sunshine for you again. My father too was and alcoholic and beat us kids and put us down all the time. We all come from dysfunctional backgrounds and some of us haven't it. It doesn't matter it's like learning to ride a horse or a bike you fall off just get right back up and try it again you will get it right as long as you don't stop trying. All of you are strong for starting again and it been just wonderful for all who has joined us starting over overs lol. We are just as good and worthy of it all too. Your not a failure if you keep trying it's when you don't then you have failed youself. I had no idea when I started this post I would get so many good people to respond to it like you have. It's been uplifting and making me know I'm on the right track and doing something right in my life. I have gotten it all back ten fold and we all together stand stong and nothing can break us we are one. I thank each and every one of you for standing up and speaking for yourself. If you don't nobody else will. I started one and feel real good for it now I'm going to try journaling and relaxation getting ready to move on to two please let us know where you're at with the program we will stay with you through it all so we all can be together. If some of use are a little ahead that's ok we're still right here for all of you. I myself am taking it slow and getting it right this time and not feel bad if I don't do everything either and neither should any of you. Do what makes you feel better there is no pressure on how fast or slow you want to go it's all up to you. Sunshine I love your post and going to read it again. When I first started back I wanted to run away and it's makes me darn glad I didn't. Thank you all for you post and support we will make this time. Have a Great Day! Sherrie 