Hello
Hi, I am just starting out in the program 1st week. I am in the process of loosing my family and I am desperate to show my wife that I am trying to change. She has pointed out how I have acted and I agree with her. I was driving in my truck when I heard about this program and ordered it. I have also started to see a therapist. I have watched the getting started video and have listened to the relaxation tape, along with session 1. I want to start the audio portion, but having kids I find it difficult to start. When I am alone I start the tapes and then shortly there after my kids come in. I am such a mess right now I can't turn them away. I need there love. I feel so desperate. I want to take my wife in my arms and tell her I need her, but I fear it's too late. I also car pool to work and I haven’t really confided in anyone of my problems. I am lost.
Mark P
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Guest
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Guest
Hi Mark,
Sounds like you're on the right track. It is never too late so keep your chin up & keep working through things. There's a reason you found this program! I have 3 kids & find it tough to get quiet time to listen to the tapes but just do your best. Maybe for a bit once they are sleeping each night? Good luck!
Sounds like you're on the right track. It is never too late so keep your chin up & keep working through things. There's a reason you found this program! I have 3 kids & find it tough to get quiet time to listen to the tapes but just do your best. Maybe for a bit once they are sleeping each night? Good luck!
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Guest
Thanks Anxiousmomof3
I should be Dadof4. I feel like I am loosing everything I ever wanted. I have not treated my wife very well and I am so sorry, If she forgives me I am going to be a changed person. I just got back from a deployment with the Guard and wasn't expecting this when I walked in the door. I am very scared and alone.
I should be Dadof4. I feel like I am loosing everything I ever wanted. I have not treated my wife very well and I am so sorry, If she forgives me I am going to be a changed person. I just got back from a deployment with the Guard and wasn't expecting this when I walked in the door. I am very scared and alone.
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Guest
I need to clarify my last statement, because it sounds so bad. When I say I hurt my wife I mean that I was always working, and trying to catch up. I never physically hurt her, never was unfaithful, but I was just not there at times or I would get angry and just be mean to her and then I was able to go to bed angry even when we were fighting. I just didn't take the time to tell her and show her that I loved her. I always thought that my actions would let her know how I felt about her. I would send flowers to her office etc, but I never expressed how I truly felt and still feel about her. For this I am truly sorry
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Talked to my wife a lot this weekend. I am not very hopefully. She is a very strong woman and once she has made up her mind it's made. I am trying to hard I think and this is scaring her even more. How do you find the balance between trying to do the right thing but not scaring someone off. I need the answer!!
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Mark -
You're in a tough dilemma and it's hard to answer your question without knowing the history. Your post implies this has been a long standing problem, so your wife may be rightfully skeptical. All you can do is try your best to show her that you're changing. It will probably take some time before she either sees the changes or starts to believe that they are real and permanent.
I think that this program is an excellent source of information and can help all of us change our behavior and thinking so that we can be better people and lead much more fulfilling lives. I'm very glad that you started working with it will be here to encourage you to stick with it. I'm about halfway through the program and am already starting to see some of the benefits, not that any recovery has a "typical" timescale.
Be strong and trust yourself. You can only do your best. Some things are just out of our control. I truly hope that you can work things out with your wife, but give her some time and space to come around since it sounds like she has been dealing with this for some time. You cannot change the past, but you can always improve the future.
Best of luck,
Jamie
You're in a tough dilemma and it's hard to answer your question without knowing the history. Your post implies this has been a long standing problem, so your wife may be rightfully skeptical. All you can do is try your best to show her that you're changing. It will probably take some time before she either sees the changes or starts to believe that they are real and permanent.
I think that this program is an excellent source of information and can help all of us change our behavior and thinking so that we can be better people and lead much more fulfilling lives. I'm very glad that you started working with it will be here to encourage you to stick with it. I'm about halfway through the program and am already starting to see some of the benefits, not that any recovery has a "typical" timescale.
Be strong and trust yourself. You can only do your best. Some things are just out of our control. I truly hope that you can work things out with your wife, but give her some time and space to come around since it sounds like she has been dealing with this for some time. You cannot change the past, but you can always improve the future.
Best of luck,
Jamie
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Guest
Thanks for the kind words SeaRunner.
I am trying. I feel like I lost my best friend. I need her! I have been on an emotional roller coaster since she told me. I am sad, happy and mad all in a matter of minutes. Sad, that I might loose my Best Friend. Happy, that we still might have a chance and mad at myself. I am in my first week of the course, I am not sure if it's helping, but I am trying. I started the work book today after listening to the CD for the last two day and I have also been seeing a therapist for the last 3 weeks. I started all this as soon as my wife told me we were in trouble. I acted fast to show her that I am serious. This morning I asked her if she would see a marriage counselor with me, she said she would think about it. I feel as low as I can be. Looking at all the information out there and listening to section 1 I feel like the man on the audio cd. I am always a hard charger. No excuses. It's gotta get done etc etc. I understand now that I shouldn’t be like that and that it might be too late for us but I still need to change. I am really scared to loose my Family and MY best Friend (wife). I am trying to take it day by day. What really makes me sad right now is that we don’t talk like we use to. I am trying not to push anything. This just makes it all that much harder. Then she also throws me mixed signs. Kisses me before she goes to work tells me she loves me, but has to think about going to a Marriage Counselor. I am very confused and then going thru this course compounds it that much more.
Mark P
I am trying. I feel like I lost my best friend. I need her! I have been on an emotional roller coaster since she told me. I am sad, happy and mad all in a matter of minutes. Sad, that I might loose my Best Friend. Happy, that we still might have a chance and mad at myself. I am in my first week of the course, I am not sure if it's helping, but I am trying. I started the work book today after listening to the CD for the last two day and I have also been seeing a therapist for the last 3 weeks. I started all this as soon as my wife told me we were in trouble. I acted fast to show her that I am serious. This morning I asked her if she would see a marriage counselor with me, she said she would think about it. I feel as low as I can be. Looking at all the information out there and listening to section 1 I feel like the man on the audio cd. I am always a hard charger. No excuses. It's gotta get done etc etc. I understand now that I shouldn’t be like that and that it might be too late for us but I still need to change. I am really scared to loose my Family and MY best Friend (wife). I am trying to take it day by day. What really makes me sad right now is that we don’t talk like we use to. I am trying not to push anything. This just makes it all that much harder. Then she also throws me mixed signs. Kisses me before she goes to work tells me she loves me, but has to think about going to a Marriage Counselor. I am very confused and then going thru this course compounds it that much more.
Mark P
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Guest
Mark -
It sounds like there are some encouraging signs. I imagine you are a negative thinker like most of us with anxiety disorders. If that's the case, you might not have noticed the positive things that are even embedded in your message.
First, you're taking action. You're starting this program and seeing a therapist. Both are great moves and many people have trouble even making those decisions.
Second, even though your wife didn't say for sure that she would see a marriage counselor, she also didn't say no. That means she's still thinking about it, still willing to consider it. Nothing is final.
Third, she's giving you signs that she still cares about you like the kiss goodbye in the mornings and when she tells you she loves you. Those are both very good signs.
Like I said before, she just may need some time to see that you are really making permanent, positive changes. Keep up your efforts. No matter what happens, these things surely will help to improve your relationship with your wife, even if it's not like before.
Be well,
Jamie
It sounds like there are some encouraging signs. I imagine you are a negative thinker like most of us with anxiety disorders. If that's the case, you might not have noticed the positive things that are even embedded in your message.
First, you're taking action. You're starting this program and seeing a therapist. Both are great moves and many people have trouble even making those decisions.
Second, even though your wife didn't say for sure that she would see a marriage counselor, she also didn't say no. That means she's still thinking about it, still willing to consider it. Nothing is final.
Third, she's giving you signs that she still cares about you like the kiss goodbye in the mornings and when she tells you she loves you. Those are both very good signs.
Like I said before, she just may need some time to see that you are really making permanent, positive changes. Keep up your efforts. No matter what happens, these things surely will help to improve your relationship with your wife, even if it's not like before.
Be well,
Jamie