Starting the Program again from Week 1

[Booba826]

Hi everyone,

I started using this program a few times. I get up to week 3 or 4, feel better then stop. This time I am determined to finish it. My generalized anxiety decreased alot from what it was. I still get anxiety episodes but for the most part work through them. My biggest things have been going out with people, being in situations where I feel like I can't leave causing me to avoid going to dinners, wedding, etc., and doing new things. I really thought I was doing better and handling my anxiety better for the most part and I am until yesterday, and I realized I will never be able to do certain things in life that I love because of feeling "trapped. Here is what happened to me yesterday.

For months all I have been talking and thinking about is getting a cosmetic elective procedure. About 2 years ago I scheduled the appointment, and the next day realized there was no way I could go through with it due to anxiety and cancelled, losing my $500 deposit. My anxiety has gotten better with the little things and I realized I was now ready.I have been waiting and waiting for the perfect time (have time off from work), and finally the time had arrived. I did my research, found a good doctor and decided I would do it in the summer. As time got closer to scheduling it I got a little nervous, then I get excited. Yesterday I went and paid the $1,550 deposit. As soon as I did that I was in full panic attack. I couldn’t think straight, had diarrhea and was sick to my stomach. I couldn’t think of anything positive because I had all these negative feelings going on, and I just didn’t want it anymore. I become petrified of the idea. What exactly I was afraid of I don’t know. I wasn’t afraid of the procedure, maybe a little nervous of complications but I feel I will be fine. Its like I was afraid of the anxiety I knew I would have until the day of. I was feeling complete panic and then thinking that the day of my pre-op visit I would feel that same anxiety and run out of the office screaming. I was picturing me the day of the surgery freaking out feeling as I do right now. I felt trapped with this fear like it wouldn’t go away. I couldn’t think straight I was in a trans almost with clouded thought of negativity and unable to feel excited about anything, just sick to my stomach. I kept feeling guilty about how I have saved my money for this for a year and put $1,550 on a down payment that I knew I could never go through with the procedure because of my anxiety. I do want the procedure done. I am just scared of this anxiety that doesn’t go away. I ended up making up a fake story and getting my money back tomorrow. Thank God the lady will give me my money back. I was happy and excited about the procedure, drove 2 hours and gave the down payment and locked in my surgery date. By the time I left the office I got sweaty and queezy and the thoughts started and I was in full panic mode that I was not stuck and had to get out of the situation ASAP because its the only way the anxiety would stop. I feel so disappointed in myself. I am telling myself now that I do want this, and will get it done in September which I hope I can. I want this done but I get all this fear inside of me, and that feeling I can’t handle. The only way it goes away is to cancel the appointment. I now cancelled the appointment, I feel somewhat calmer, and I am back to the drawing board of wanting it done again. This is horrible.

[Dixiesmom]

I honestly have to say that I've never been through anything quite like that. I am so consumed with guilt about spending money (especially on myself) that if I had made it far enough to make the down payment, I would go through with it out of guilt of losing any money. Definitely sounds like you need to work on Session 2, practice your breathing and self - talk before trying again. The thought of losing over $1,500 makes me anxious for you!!! Best wishes!