Scared to approach people

Jackdodgeman · Post by **Jackdodgeman** » Mon Aug 25, 2008 8:04 pm

Hi, I am often kinda of reluctant to speak to other co-workers when they speak to me, I am not stuck up, but they tend to think so, and when I do speak I never have the right words and often sound like I am mentally challenged, but around family members I am all out and sound like a professional, anyone else like this? It's like two different personalities.

binny · Post by **binny** » Tue Aug 26, 2008 12:11 am

I am exactly like that. For me when I'm around people, especially at work, I can't speak like a normal person. Its as if I think about what I'm going to say and sound like too much. I can feel my chest get tight, which makes me afraid that my voice will crack when I do speak. Some times I just can't even get my words out of my mouth. Someone will be speaking to me, and all I can do is nod my head and stare, usually for several seconds before a word can come out of me. I hate this. I don't think its a personality thing. I think its an anxiety thing, like a form of social phobia. I've always been a shy person, but I used to be able to speak normally and was pretty outgoing. This anxiety started for me when I started thinking about leaving my husband, and got worse when I did finally leave. I don't know what to do about it. I think about seeing a therapist but I don't totally trust them.

OC Mike · Post by **OC Mike** » Tue Aug 26, 2008 1:41 am

I've experienced the same thing for a long time and it's situation-specific with me too.

The fact that I only get like that in certain specific situations led me to avoid those situations and gravitate toward environments in which I wouldn't have to deal with it. But it has gotten worse over the years. Left untreated, unaddressed, and avoided; it eventually started to trickle into other areas of my life.

I'm on Session 3, and I'm really committed to giving this session all I have. I can definitely relate to what the program says about negative thinking being the root of my anxiety and depression. I almost allowed myself to get "stuck" on Session 2. I'm glad I moved on after spending one week on Session 2. I can always go back later to different sessions.

CharlieH · Post by **CharlieH** » Tue Aug 26, 2008 5:04 am

Boy, do I know how you feel. At work, I can usually manage to say Hi to coworkers before the anxiety sets in. After that I try to do anything to get out of the social situation. Unfortunately, now I'm just that guy that says "Hi" all the time, and I do feel like people treat me like I'm mentally challenged. In certain situations I can "suck it up" but on a day to day basis, it does get hard. And the more people in the situation, the harder it is for me.

Ivyheart <>< · Post by **Ivyheart <><** » Tue Aug 26, 2008 1:09 pm

I have been dealing with this as well!! I have been trying to figure out why I can't get my thoughts straight, when I am at work and go to have a conversation...I can't get my thoughts our clear! I feel stupid. I wonder why we get so anxious and can't speak like a professional? Do you think it has anything to with lack of confidence? This is a vey intersting subject to me. Because at home I speak fine! Anyone have advice/ opinions?

ivy

miguel Sr · Post by **miguel Sr** » Tue Aug 26, 2008 1:56 pm

Hello ;

I am on session 4 ,I should be on 6 but I found that I needed to work on some of what you guys are talking about .

I had always been good at what I do, personal or profesional I am the type that has always been unique ,a leader,not a follower .
I dont want you to misconstrude that statement as egocentric ,what I mean is that I have always been able to speak my mind ,I am good at my job ,in fact I am one of the best in the field . I am an avid skydiver ,and I love to go to far away places to fly and experience other cultures .

There was a time not too long ago when I found it uncofortable to engage my co-workers about procedure and other work related issues .

I realized that I had low self esteem and I was not really sure of myself due to symptoms of anxiety . It took some time but I got over this by appliying some of the things I learned in the first 3 sessions , I mean dont get me wrong ,I still sometimes feel disconected when around other people at work but I work through that ,even when I feel a little spacy .

I know I will be OK ,I know that its just my anxiety . I am smart .They are not better than me , and I will not be intimidated by my own thoughts .

As the program teaches you ,just float through it ,practice it it does work .

I have resumed being around other people in a social setting ,and I am Paragliding like I used to ,I just went back to being who I used to be ,granted I have bad days but I will always prevail . you will too .
Good luck

Jackdodgeman · Post by **Jackdodgeman** » Tue Sep 02, 2008 7:19 pm

GOSH! Ivy heart this is the same way I am and Charlie I am like this also! at work I talk to authority figures and co-workers like I am mentally challenged almost like I have a personality at home where I am smart and intelligent and normal acting to this slow acting child at work, I cannot get into another job cause I freeze up and sound illiterate to the interviewer, kinda of like I am retarded, example. I met a lady in the store I work for that was shopping, she went to college with me and I knew who she was and she knew me we were kinda of like in a clique ( her and few other people I went to college with), well anyway, I had not seen her in almost 5 years and I was talking about things which made no sense and trying to be polite after years of working at my store and people thinking I was stucked up, I should of said nothing to her but hi, But I was trying to carry on a conversation, and I felt like she was very professional above my level of education, but at home I would of talked normal, but anyway, I told her I was looking for a job to my education and said it in a way like I am Mentally challenged and jept repeating myself to her the same things....I could tell she looked at me like.."what happened to him?"..."is he slow? or weird?"...It makes me so upset I cannot talk casual to people without sounding mentally challenged"...but at Home I can talk just fine to people I really really feel close to...what can I do to improve on this??? Help me ....

teotsp3 · Post by **teotsp3** » Sat Oct 11, 2008 3:46 pm

I can totally relate to what everyone is saying here. I find it very difficult to speak with almost any stranger that I come into contact with, but it wasn't always this way for me. I was once able to speak and carry on conversations with others without the slightest bit of awkwardness. Now it is hard for me to even get a complete sentence out without feeling like I am a moron. My mom said to me once that some people "talk at you", while others "talk with you." At first I thought she was saying that everyone was talking at me, but I was actually the one doing so. It's kind of like talking above someone's head so, to speak. I don't like that at all. When I try to speak to someone I feel like I have to have some perfect response to whatever they are saying, which makes me over-think and then, I ultimately lose my train of thought.
So, now, at work I try to avoid contact with the other employees as much as possible in fear that I may have to speak with one of them. It sounds absurd, but I do it on a daily basis and I am tired of running away from people. I don't want to feel like I am not qualified to live Life, which is exactly what I am perceiving at this juncture. I want to be able to speak the way that I am writing this post - coherently, and intelligently. I really just want Help!