I've decided to turn to my new "PEER GROUP" with this one for some HELP. Its been bothering me for quite a while, so maybe you can help me here. I worry about how people percieve me. I am engaged to a gentleman whom I met on Eharmony. I knew he was a widower, and that he wife had died of cancer. I had asked him when, and he had always told me a while ago. Come to find out after I had fallen for him, that a while ago had only been two short months ago. I was very confused and hurt by this, as I had already fallen head over heels for the man. I was going to therapy and discussed this with my therapist. She tried to assure me to follow my heart, NOT my head. She had a good feeling about this as my past relationship I came from was one with a gentleman who was bipolar and he about killed me. He had explained thst his wife had been sick for several years and that they had no contact for several years. That he still loved her, always would, but thought it was time to fill the void in his life. Her death had taken him into a world of isolation from the world, as well as his family. Work & sleep was his world. Not good. But when he met me he came alive again. He started doing things with me.. not physical at first..but going out and enjoying the world and the company of another person. I know everyone thinks the Eharmony commercials ar dorky.. but they are true.. at least for us. The first date was wonderful! He was very much a gentleman. Dinner at Red Lobster, then we went to the local fair in town. Listened to the country music, walked around, even rode the rides. bear in mind we both are in our 50's. Then we went back home to sit at the pier on the river and we talked until we discovered ti was 3 in the morning. He took me home, gave me a kiss. I asked if I would see him again, which he replied,.. You Bet! Very nice date. Also he started having contact with his family, golfing, dinners, visits, so on. One daughter approved of me, one did not at first. Anyway.. after a year of dating and the approval of both his daghters, I moved 60 miles away from my family to be with him. We have been together for over 2 years, going on 3. But he works 100 miles away and is gone all week and home weekends. I avoid the community, which consists of 450 people, because I am afraid of what they think. Like I said I have been here for going on 2 years. Still no friends here because I am not sure how they feel about me.
I am hoping this program helps me with the feelings of the lack self esteem. Normally I am a happy go lucky person. Always smiling, joking around, a very plesant personality. But I am afraid to even walk the streets with my dogs. At home I used to walk my dog 5 miles a day, every day. Not anymore.
Here I am so alone during the weeks...so isloated. I go to work, come home and get on the comoputer for a while, rarekly eat as I hate to cook for one person. Snack the wrong foods. Watch some TV and go to bed. I read a lot. Have trouble sleeping which the doctor has me on Ambien for. I started sleepwalking on this, so take it rarely. My kids are in New York and back home, so I miss my kids. My mom is the only one who calls me.. and that is all the time. I cry a lot because I am lonely.
Long enough.. HELP me here... I am reaching out to my peers here.. I guss that is what this is here for.
