dealing with life

grace, in NY · Post by **grace, in NY** » Wed Nov 17, 2010 2:35 am

This is my second time doing this program. I did htis program several yrs ago and am doing better than I was then. I have been dealing with some major life changes. I moved to a new state a few months ago, just finished my masters degree in special ed and homeschooling my kids. I have been rereading my old journals and realized how much the anxiety/depression has changed my personality. I never thought of myself as a angry person but realize I am. I don't want to be like this and need some peace in my life. I have tried to recover without medicine and without turning to others to help talk me through things. I realized I can't do it alone and need some friends. I am kinda wondering what 'normal' people feel like. I wonder if I am that odd or are my feelings or actions even closely related to normal. I have a huge problem with job situations. I am really afraid of working again because I just don't have a good work history of it actually going well. My last job teaching I had another special ed teacher who had a friend that was promised my job when she graduated from college and they made sure they 'attacked' me when ever they could. Here is a situation: I heard that this special ed teacher was leaving and she works with the younger kids. I went to the assisted principle and said if it is true I would be interested in that job. Within a few hrs later that teacher and her assisted (who was promised the job) come to my room bounce in the room and the teacher said 'Just to let you know your not getting my job and I'm not leaving' and walked out. I was like 'what'. I was really upset over that for a really long time. How would 'normal people handle that situaiton?

Paisleegreen · Post by **Paisleegreen** » Thu Nov 18, 2010 6:53 am

Grace, it sounds like you've just experienced what happens in life, "Human Nature". I'm finding out just in my volunteer work that people act that way, meaning the ones that have the paying job and I'm there just to help out. I don't have to be there, but wanted to. So I guess that is why I don't work out in the world anymore if I don't have to.

I've had good and bad jobs, and some people jus t can be vicious to us "sensitive" types. Anyway, if you go to Ninja's thread on Assertiveness Training, you might find some helpful examples there to practice with others.

Paridygmn · Post by **Paridygmn** » Tue Nov 30, 2010 9:15 am

Grace in NY and Paisleegreen, one thing is for sure, we have all been there with the bad job environment and the people who make it that way. I have had good job situations and bad one too. A month after I started the program in July of 2008 I was fired from a job by a guy who I did not like, and he did not like me. He got a promotion to department manager without the position being posted and there were at least 4 other people more qualified and interested in the spot. My team out performed all other teams three years in a row and I had a bachelors degree in management at the time. I would have to agree that human nature is what happened under both our circumstances, meaning there are always going to be people who are going to feel insecure about their situation and play office politics to get their way. The one thing I regret about the situation is that I did not have the courage to move on to a different company before getting fired, though I could see it coming on months in advance.

Paisleegreen · Post by **Paisleegreen** » Tue Nov 30, 2010 10:26 am

Hi Paridygmn--Sometimes, hindsight is 20/20. Now you are more experienced and are here to get stronger so that in the future you can be more assertive in your decisions in life. Times are iffy right now, and known comfort or discomfort is better than the unknown. It is all about being human.

grace, in NY · Post by **grace, in NY** » Tue Nov 30, 2010 10:30 am

I know when I was teaching there was not any other job to go too. I was very frighten because I worked so hard to become a teacher and I had these insecure people (I knew that was the case) that was friends with the administration and they would believe them over me. I really dislike office games. We are all there to do a job and run over the next person.
I really don't know how to handle the work bullies. Do you confront them and say hey what's your problem or just be nice?

Paisleegreen · Post by **Paisleegreen** » Tue Nov 30, 2010 10:55 am

I guess you have to weigh the Pros and Cons. There are times in our life where we have to put up with the bad, for a time, and then if it is downright upsetting, make a stand. I can only speak for myself and what is in my heart.

Life isn't fair, and we have trials we have to go through. Sometimes, we have to grin and bear it for just a little bit longer to qualify for the health insurance or to pay off a mortgage, or Johnny's new braces.

But if you can get by or feel there is a better job around the corner, then take action, and live with the consequences. Which could be good or bad.

Also, if it affects your moral compass then it is time to get out the best way you can.

For example, I worked at a Convalescent Hospital as an Intern for my college degree. One of my tasks was to buy cigarettes and Brandy for a client. That meant that I had to go into a liquor store to do so. I do not smoke or drink and I really do not care to be buying these products for others either. But this was my job description at the time and the patients were already dying for whatever reason, so I did what I was asked.

Probably no different than the sales clerk now in regular supermarkets that sell cigarettes and alcohol, but years ago it wasn't like that.

Now I would probably have someone else take care of the task, and then again because I didn't drink or smoke, I wasn't going to use the products either or be tempted to have the hospital pay for my cigs or alcohol.

I was made head lifeguard of a college pool, mainly because I was more responsible and wouldn't be opening up the pool for my buddies that maybe the other lifeguards might be tempted to do. Whether that would really happen, I don't know. I just know I was given the keys and was made responsible for opening and closing an Olympic size pool.