Help :( I need some comfort!! Please Chime IN!

bretwalters13 · Post by **bretwalters13** » Fri Dec 05, 2008 12:38 pm

Alright so sorry if this gets really long!! But please read it I really need some help! And I apolagize for my grammer etc.

When I was in 6th grade I got put on Paxil for severe panic disorder *(threw in the severe cuz it was reallllly bad). It helped me tremendously all the way to my Jr. Year when I just quit cold turkey, didnt experience any withdrawal (that I can remember) and went on living happily. Slowly my panic started to return around my freshman year of college (still living at home, go to a tech school near by). I went to the doc and got back on paxil, it was working for the first week, but I noticed the sexual side effects this time becuz I had a gf and was sexually active, well at the time I didnt realize these side effects could and probably would go away with time, I just immediately went to the dr and switched to Lexapro. Took it for a week or so and felt okay so.....I stopped ha (i know thats not good) and felt fine. Of course I still had the occasional panic attack but for the most part I was functioning like a normal person and going out and having fun, even finally started chasing a dream of becoming a professional paintball player and started playing nationally. Well I am a jr in college now and on Nov 7th I woke up with a slight panic feeling so I took a Celexa. (I got this Celexa becuz when I was starting on lexapro it was too expensive so I got the generic of Celexa as I guess it is nearly the same, I had never taken it) I basically just wanted something in my system becuz I knew it was getting bad. Well I took it and on came the WORSSSSSSSSSST panic attack of my entire life. I made it to class and all but the ride there was like riding to the top of a roller coaster and then in class, i went off the drop. I got up and walked out and drove home and started having crazyyyyy suicidal thoughts, I dont think I would ever hurt myself, and I had never EVER been suicidal. I was so scared! I just felt like the only way I could think to get it to go away was to end my life. Of course I didnt and god I hope I never would be so stupid. So I immediately went to the doc and told him what happened. He gave me some Xanax and Lexapro and told me to start taking the lex and pop the xanax when needed. Took maybe 3 of the xanax I was scared of them ahaha and started on the lex. Had pretty bad side effects at first, dry mouth, sex drive shot, fuzzy etc. But they seemed to have gone away after a week. So I continued to take it. Its now been 4 weeks and just the past week or so has been HELL. I feel completely "unreal" and like outside my body and my hands sweat non stop sooo bad. Like I function normal...but I'm constantly panicky because I just don't feel "right". It is scaring me so much I don't know what to do

Its literally making me think scary things because I think the "unreal" feeling is never going to go away. On top of that I used to be able to just "ground" myself and watch something funny or play a video game, but on the lex I feel like nothing is funny. Nothing makes me smile and I do it feels forced and not like i'm really doing it. Im also realllly tired and have no motivation to do anything but lay in bed and think about how weird this feeling is. I just want to feel like im human again

So now its almost time to take the lexapro and Im getting nervous. I have a Dr. appointment on Monday with my doc, but what should I do untill then! Should I break my pills in half? Should I stop taking them? they are 10mg pills. I take one a day. And i've read so many horror stories on withdrawl from lexapro i'm scared if I do decide to get off of it and go back to my paxil or try zoloft or something I wont be able to tolerate the withdrawal symptoms....ugh! Its like i'm in a no win situation. I WANT OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please tell me this feeling of "unrealness" will go away

or at least you know what I'm talking about. I feel so depressed from the anxiety and side effects i've never been depressed (that I know of)

Sooo sorry for the rant and bad grammer! I'm just realllllllly scared. Thank you all so much! This site is really helpful, but I think I scare myself more by reading side effects and withdrawl symptoms too much.

---Bret----

P.S To make things worse, I think this whole episode is gunna cost me my 2 year relationship. She just doesn't quite understand and we all know how hard it is to explain to someone who hasn't researched it or experienced it. She just gives me blank looks...

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Dec 05, 2008 1:02 pm

Hi Brett,
I would call your doctor and tell him what is going on. I know you will see him Monday but he may be able to tell you what you should do until then. None of us are doctors so we can't tell you that part. As far as side effects, my psychiatrist tried me on four different antidepressants to control my anxiety and the depressive symptoms. Well.. I had a bad reaction to all of them. One of them was Lexapro and I too had suicidal thinking! I was so scared and the anxiety got worse. He took me off immediately. I was not able to tolerate the others either because I had similar reactions. I would just sit and shake, cry and wish it would end. But, once I went off the meds and they got out of my system, I was okay. I only take Ativan which is like Xanax and with the help of this program and the med, I am doing better. Please call your doctor. Suicidal thinking is nothing to play with and I know it must be frightening. Try to be around close friends or family and let them know what is going on so they can just be there for you right now. Post again and let us know how you are doing. It will get better! I hope your girlfriend will hang in there. There is nothing wrong with you that you can't get better. We all struggle with this but we can beat it!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Dec 05, 2008 1:06 pm

Bret-take your Lexapro until your doctor visit. Your doctor can switch you to Prozac so you won't have withdrawal symptoms. Prozac is easier to wean off of b/c it has a longer half life. Also, you don't get the withdrawal side effects if you switch from one SSRI to another, so if you go off Lex and go back on Paxil or Zoloft, you should be ok....I haven't read it, but I have heard of a book called The Antidepressant Solution by Dr. Joseph Glenmullen. Apparently, he has done a lot of research and describes the best way to wean off of antidepressants (it may take a while, though). Also, a friend of mine was having bad side effects with Celexa (I was on it for awhile and didn't really have a problem), but she switched to Effexor XR and it has been helping her a lot. Less chance of decreased sex drive with Effexor, too. Please try to calm yourself, everything will work out for you. And don't assume that you are going to lose your girlfriend. I think that is the anxiety talking. I have been going through a rough patch lately due to health issues and have been worrying about my boyfriend and how he is going to react to my anxiety. He has been supportive and yes, it is hard when they don't really know how we feel (how can you unless you have had this?)...but I'm sure your girlfriend loves you and is more worried and confused than anything. would you leave her if she was going through a rough time? I'm sure you wouldn't, so give her the benefit of the doubt. If it makes you feel better, maybe you can put this all in a letter to her. That way you can explain what you are feeling and thinking in a rational way, cause it doesn't always come out that way when we try to explain....btw- I didn't notice any spelling errors

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Dec 05, 2008 1:13 pm

Thank you for your posts guys! it really helps somehow! Im not sure why Sheils but your post made my eyes water up

first time i have shown any signs of emotion since starting my lexapro haha. I just want to have that drive to be somebody, I'm so close to graduating from college, and i think that scares me too becuz I dont know how I am gunna do "in the real world"!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Dec 05, 2008 1:16 pm

Hi Bret, I have taken many of the same presciptiions with alot of the same side effects, I quit most of them cold turkey with no adverse effects, not suggesting you do this. Doctor keep trying combinations of meds trying to get the right combonations for you, but in my experience it only make things worse. I found diet and exercise helps in alot of ways, I know your a young guy but try and slow your pace in life down. I know you want a magic fix to your problem, like all of us do at times. Just rember you won't feel this way for ever.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Dec 05, 2008 1:34 pm

Bret-I'm glad to hear that you got something out of my post. Probably my wise guy comment about your spelling!! Hang in there.

CarolynEd.Dir. · Post by **CarolynEd.Dir.** » Fri Dec 05, 2008 2:17 pm

Yea I've been reading up a lot of stuff on what I would even want to switch too as this is pretty rough being on Lexapro. I am looking into Effexor XR as it seems to have the most good reviews I have EVER seen on an SSRI. All I normally read is negative negative negative. So hopefully it will all go good!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Dec 05, 2008 2:35 pm

If it makes you feel better, you can always think of it as a temporary solution. You will be able to get off the meds at some point, but right now you have to do what you have to do to feel better...

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Dec 05, 2008 3:54 pm

bret i was completely freaked out bout takin meds. i was like a lil kid who was being forced, i cried and cried my mom had to take me to the dr., go and fill my perscription and basically force me to take it as i begged her not make me take it, she told me lovingly as did my dr. that she wouldn't want to take anything that would hurt me but, somewhere i just felt the med. wouldnt help me it would just hurt me and make me feel loopy, and out of it. well i was wrong and i thank my mom and dr. for being there for me. i take lexapro and then for the everyday uneasy feelings i take ativan,

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Dec 05, 2008 4:01 pm

sorry laptop buttons are sensitve. but im doing good my dr. said she will keep me on the lexapro for 6 months to a year and i just the ativan when i need it, i take 10mg of lexapro and and .5mg of the ativan. i can actually sit and watch a movie without freakin out and i can just lay down and go to sleep. so i think if u need the meds. for the everyday uneasiness def. talk to ur dr. bout that. i know u will get past God put u here for a reason and it wasn't the be scared, he loves u so very much. just keep praying it above all else is the best med.