I saw my doctor yesterday, following a few months of intense anxiety and some depression. She recommended starting back on Lexapro (which I took for a year, ending last October, I was up to 20mg, lowering 5mg a month until I was done).
My original reasoning for starting the Lexapro in the first place was panic attacks. The medication helped, after about 6 months I had no panic attacks. I decided to end the medication as I had graduated from college and was pursuing a military career as an officer. Turned out I couldnt go to Officer Training if I was on meds, and had to be off for a year before even applying. So I ended the medication on the premise that I would be applying to office training again. Well, life happens, mainly I took a good paying corporate job.
I didnt have any panic attacks for about nine months, had a handful about three weeks ago but none since.
Ive been trying to work through the program but the anxiety has been making it very difficult. Also, my girlfriend of 4 years will be leaving for military duty in about 6 weeks. I am torn about this as she doing what I wanted to and couldnt. The majoirty of my stress comes from her (indirectly of course, she is wonderful). I know stress is due to how we react, but I am very anxious about what will happen to her. So Im jealous of and scared for her, not ready to marry her, cant move due to good job, and with all of the anxiety Ive found myself becoming less attracted to her (the perfectionistic, over analyzation stuff). Ive though tif I end things with her all of my stress will go away, I know this isnt true, I had anxiety problems before her. Yet I find it very hard to differentiate between this being a really bad breakup, or my anxiety at its worst. Breaking up would be my first/only serious relationship to end, its a lot of hurt.
I know the medication cant cure thought processes, only better enable us to learn to do so. Apart of me truly hopes the medication will save my relationship, that my hangups about her will not be such a big deal, that my worry that I havent dated enough girls/experienced enough relationships is truly part of the anxiety and I will forget and never think about it as I never did before. What's the anxiety and can be fixed, and what is truly me in terms of the relationship? I know she has hangups about me, especially now that she's seen how bad my anxiety can be, but I know she loves me and is ready to be married. I dont know what to do. Any answer I go with comes with "what if Im wrong" and then rationalizations for the answer seem untruthful and designed only to make myself feel better.
My problem with starting again is that it will further postpone and possbily forever end any military career I may have, wont be able to drink (I only to do socially, never to the point of drunkenness), and (most importantly) deep down inside I feel like I should be able to handle life without help from medication and starting again will be nothing more than weakness.
In my clearer moments I think:
"The medication is designed to get you to the point where you are able to see things clearly, rather than focusing on the anxiety, so that you can feel good enough to concentrate on and start taking care of yourself. The medication will temporarily clear up the anxiety so that you can focus on getting better. Once you learn how to get better and actually do, you can stop taking the medication. The skills you learned while on the medication will allow you to take care of yourself once you stop taking the medication.".
I beleive that. Yet the cost is so high.
Thoughts? Anyone learn to relax and save a relationship, drink lightly in social situations without side affects, and successfully get better after starting and ending the medication?
Starting Again
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Guest
wow i can see your frustration. i just been on lexapro for 2 months and i feel better my anxiety and my panic attacks were so chronic i had no choice but to take medication my relationship with my boyfriend of 8 years was getting bad he got so frustruated with me when i started having my panic attacks so i feel you, i kept ending up at the E.R once a month so i started to take lexapro and now that i dont get panic attacks my relationship with my boyfriend has gotten back to normal. when someone sees you having severe panic attacks they see you as your weak and crazy and weird thats how people were seeing me they couldnt understand what was going on with me the only way they will know is if they experience it themselves. and about your career hey your health comes first but if you think you can handle your symptoms hey go for it without meds. dont believe that meds is a sign of weakness it will save your life from illnesses from all the stress your getting so i dont see it as a sign of weakness my health comes first than any relationship and career thats just my opinion !! good luck !