two steps forward...one step back??

Sidd · Post by **Sidd** » Thu Jun 12, 2008 4:42 am

Hello everyone:

Question for anyone able to relate. I have been working this program for 6 weeks now and there are times I feel it really is working and I get it...then I moved on to Lesson 6 for anger and now I am depressed and anxious again. I'm thinking the sessions sometimes stir up some deep stuff inside, but I just want to know if anyone out there is experiencing two steps forward in this recovery and then you feel like you slipped back a step or maybe two? I'm having a hard time getting back on the positive attitude....Also, what do I do with my anger if I can't address it with the person that I am angry with. Just let it sit there...I'm trying to let it go, but there is only so much of it I can let go. Any suggestions?? Thank you....hope you all are doing well!!

hollyann22 · Post by **hollyann22** » Thu Jun 12, 2008 5:09 am

Hey Sidd, I can definitely relate to the 2 steps forward one step back. I think it is natural because it's alot to take in. I often find myself carrying around the flash cards for multiple weeks just so I can remind myself of what I have learned. It's just natural good days and bad just don't let any negative feelings linger. As for the anger thing I was angry and hurt by an ex-girlfriend who was out of my life for years, but I could not let it go the pain she caused. One day I just said what good does it do me to hold all this anger and to rehash the painful experiences over and over in my head? I forgave her in my heart and decided to move on and now I don't have that pain anymore. It hurts you more than the other person to hold on to hate or anger and whether they are able to appreciate it or not it is good for both of you to forgive. Good Luck Sidd and stay in touch.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Jun 12, 2008 5:12 am

I'm on my second round in the program now and it was never a straight shot. There were always small steps back and then small steps forward. I got to the point where the steps back became fewer and shorter and the steps forward became more frequent and longer. I still have some regressions but I'm ok with it and continue to learn more and not get upset over the small setbacks. Of course some of the sessions will get you to look at some things you don't want to look at. This is the point. Don't get discouraged over the set backs they are just learning tools. Anger wasn't one of my bigger issues so - sorry I can't be of much help on this. I did learn though that it is possible to forgive someone even if they are no longer in your life.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Jun 12, 2008 5:22 am

Hi Mary Wargo, Thanks for the input. It kind of worries me that I see so many on this board who are on their second go arounds on the program. Why didn't it work the first time?

Dsrtdwllr · Post by **Dsrtdwllr** » Thu Jun 12, 2008 5:47 am

Hi this is my first time on the program but I definitely feeel more emotional and anxious than I ever did before but the self talk is definitely helping. You have to remember NOT to beat Yourself up. Talking nice to yourself is the best thing you can do! I am now talking myself down more and feeling the fear and doing it anyway. My big fear is basements at night and that something is going to get me under the bed. I know this is insane and I am 33 but you talk to yourself like you are a child then you love yourself. This has really helped me heal.
Maria

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Jun 12, 2008 6:14 am

It did work the first time. I wanted to go thru it for a second time as it was suggested and I may even do it a third. It's good to keep it reinforced and sometimes the opportunities didn't present themselves at the time to be able to do the exercises in the workbook.

Debbie Gal · Post by **Debbie Gal** » Thu Jun 12, 2008 7:01 am

You guys are all great...thank you. I really needed to hear from you re: this. Jeff, I am working on letting so much go. I know this in my heart that it is so much healthier for me and in turn for everyone around me to let go...let go of the fear, let go of the anger, let go of the obsessions. Such work in progress...I guess when Lucinda talked about how she was bought up with anger as her staple for communication and with a dad who had issues with alcohol, I related all too well with her. Looking at where you came from and why you are the way you are is painful. I'm not blaming anyone for my behaviour....I am responsible for who I am now, but it is interesting to see how we absorbed such characteristics and behaviours from our parents. I'll get through this like everyone else does. I am so greatful to my parents for giving me such incredible sisters and I am greatful for the strong personality I have (although there really does need to be some fine tuning). Thanks again to everyone for their feedback and support!! And Mary....I see myself doing this program over and over again so that I can get as much as possible out of it for life. I think it'll be good practise for me to review these skills from time to time to keep myself honest.

Jennifier · Post by **Jennifier** » Thu Jun 12, 2008 9:17 am

Awesome I'm glad it did. Just was wondering, sorry if I upset you.