Struggling Again

[brianne8202]

I made it for months without anxiety but I did end up quitting the program . I had to stop the supplements I was taking because we couldn't afford them but I felt fine. Then about a month ago my 19 year old son started experiencing depression so I started with him at week 1 and we have been doing the program together. We are currently on week 4 and my son has been feeling better since week 2.

Unfortunately for me though, everything has suddenly come back and I don't know why. I can't seem to pinpoint any specific thoughts or fears. The general anxiety came back on Saturday even though I have been doing the program without anxiety for 4 weeks. None of the steps help. I'm not even scared of panic attacks. I had one last night and I just walked around the house until it passed and I didn't really care, it is the constant feeling of fear in my stomach along with brain fog and fatigue that bothers me. I struggle to do anything but sit on the couch. I can't paint, play board games, or do anything that I usually do because of the strong feeling like I need to get away from the fear so I just can't focus long enough to do anything.

I'm also back to not sleeping (lying awake for hours feeling awake with racing thoughts and energy). I don't fall asleep until early morning again so I am back in that cycle. Only this time when I wake up the anxiety is still there.

I just keep doing all of the daily steps - meditate, the relaxation tape, the breathing exercises, listening to the sessions. I think I listen to the sessions way more than necessary because I could practically recite portions from memory. I'm not sure what else to try at this point. I am hoping there will be something in a future session that will make a difference since I have never made it that far before.

[brianne8202]

Someone in the chat asked about the DARE book so here is the information.

In the book there are four steps for when you feel anxious, D - Diffuse, A - Allow, R- Run Towards, E - Engage.
Diffuse - stopping the thoughts and saying so what to them or to the anxious feelings.
Allow - allowing your body to feel all of the anxious feelings.
Run Towards - telling yourself that you are excited about the feelings and running towards them instead of away
Engage - doing something that engages your mind while you ride out the rest of the anxiety
There is more to implementing each step, but those are the basic ideas.

There are a few major differences so far. The first is in the Engage step because you are supposed to make sure that you are NOT distracting yourself. You are supposed to engage in an activity that requires your attention but you want to allow the anxiety to be with you and not try to distract yourself from it. Just engage with something and allow it to be there. The second difference is that there is no calming/relaxing involved. The idea is that you are not supposed to try to make the unpleasant feelings go away but rather be okay with them and end your fear of them instead. It says that trying to force a state of calm is a type of resistance. And the third difference is that you are not supposed to try to calm and reassure yourself during a panic attack. Instead, you are supposed to ask the anxiety for more by saying something like: "I'm excited by this feeling, give me more, can you make my heart pound even faster?" It sounds odd but the explanations in the book make a lot of sense.

[brianne8202]

Update May 18, 2022:

I just wanted to post an update for anyone who might read this. After my first post where I talked about how I was struggling again I came across the book Hope and Help for Your Nerves by Claire Weekes as well as a website called Anxiety Centre. Both of those explained some things that were missing for me:
1. That the body, once the nervous system is in a hyperstimulated state, can create anxiety symptoms and sensations randomly and on its OWN without any specific thoughts or deeper issues causing it (I'm not going crazy).
2. As long as I kept searching for a 'cure' or for answers for how 'horrible' I was feeling (searching online, trying new supplements, etc...) I wasn't going to get better because by doing those things I wasn't completely accepting that it was just anxiety and just allowing it to be there.
3. I had to stop feeling sorry for myself, telling myself (or others) how horrible it was, how unbearable it was. If anyone asked I would say I was okay, a bit anxious but it was fine. I told myself that I was okay.

Understanding those things, along with the recovery steps in the book made a huge difference and I would say I am about 90% recovered. Still experiencing some anxiety off and on, but I am okay with it and I know that with patience and more time it will stop coming at all. Either way I am okay. I don't need any supplements. I don't actually need any form of meditation to not be anxious either, but I continue it because there are a lot of other health benefits. I really recommend the website and the book. I have struggled with recurring anxiety my entire life and for the first time I actually believe that this isn't going to come back again.