I'm a Newb...again

[wager9]

Hello - my name is Denny.

My anxiety disorder has spiked to the "imposing on my life level" 3 times in my life. The first I was in college and was mostly panic disorder and GAD. I ordered and went through the program (on cassette) and got out of the anxiety pit. It was wonderful.

Then in the early 2K's I got another bout of it and with some lifestyle changes and I did need meds that time, I got out again.

This time...is a bit of a tricky one. I don't get full blown panic attacks anymore but certainly do get the anxiety feelings. Much of mine is obsessive worrying about my well being at this point. I worry about anything and everything that can lead to my demise. It all precipitated from a separation and not being able to see my daughter every day (joint custody). This broke my heart not seeing my little girl all the time and from that point (about a year ago) it went downhill and my GAD/ OCD has flared like no other!

I am on week 2 of the program and it is a refresher to hear the symptoms of all this stuff again but I am eager to get into deeper work with my thoughts, re-programming and dealing with the hint of depression I am feeling as well. Along with depression, I have experienced insomnia which I never had before and also (not sure if it is a side effect of meds or what) an odd sleeping occurrence called myoclonic jerks (they are essentially that little jolt you feel when you doze off to sleep). They are harmeless but I of course catastrophize them and the insomnia into the darkest end of days that will lead to my demise. I spend many hours of the day worrying about stuff. The content changes often but lately it has been "what if these sleep issues...blah blah blah..."

Anyhow...I am hoping this program gives me some insights and tools like it did in the 90s...this relapse is a particular timely and nasty one for me.

I do like chatting so thank you in advance for your love and support and comments.

[tywrenasaurus]

Hi Denny.
I'm currently in college. This is my first bout of Anxiety imposing itself on MY life. I've always had anxiety, but nothing like lately. I totally get you! I am constantly worrying about my well being as well..in fact when I get anxious I have a habit of putting my hand on my chest (to feel that I'm alive I guess). I worry about every little ache or pain. And often being anxious makes me feel ill..my chest gets heavy too.
That feeling you said.. the difficulty you have with sleeping...I think I feel something very similar and I'm very relieved to hear someone deals with something like this. Sometimes I'll be falling asleep and I feel this like, rush that goes from my chest to my head and I sit up and my heart is beating quickly. It'll happen every time I doze off. And it sucks because I'm usually so so tired and I just want to sleep but it's like my body won't let me..
I know I can make it past this. I just wish I didn't feel it sometimes, you know?
Best,
Wren

[wager9]

Hi Wren

I do know exactly what you mean. One of the toughest parts of this disorder is the "I hope this goes away at some point so I can get back to enjoying my life." This anxiety (and depression) comes on like gangbusters and stays around - its stubborn.

Are most of your issues with panic? HAve you seen a doc at all and got a diagnosis? Mine is GAD and a little OCD in there as well. Feel free to PM me if youd like to chat more. I wish you well and am here if you need to talk.
Denny