permission to have a bad day?

sleeplessMom · Post by **sleeplessMom** » Sun Jun 08, 2008 4:56 am

I still find it hard to give myself permission to have a bad day, without thinking "OH NO, IT'S BACK!!!". I was mostly recovered by fall 2006 then had a setback earlier this year. I've been doing basically OK April and May, but yesterday felt nervous and dizzy this past week, had a dream last night in which I had a full blown panic attack unlike anything I have had in two years, and this morning I am anxious and weepy a lot, but I have leveled out some. It is so hard not to over-react. In the past, these incidents HAVE led to worsening anxiety, but that is probably because I let them, right? I am not going to over-react, it could just be a bad (hormonal?) day. I am basically sleeping OK but the cats woke me up at 5:00 am. Oh well.
formerly SleeplessMom

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jun 08, 2008 5:43 am

I give you permission to have a bad day now and then. I thought I was having a very bad regression on Friday and started to get down on myself about it (maybe I missed certain things in the program and wasn't following it the way I should be etc.etc.) but then Sat. was a wonderful day. It is hard not to over react when our thinking takes us back to what could happen again. Maybe we need to be more accepting of the regular ups and downs that can happen and tell ourselves "Oh well I'm having bad day I'll get over it." I think we're too hard on ourselves sometimes.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Jun 10, 2008 5:00 am

Emma and Mary:
Thank you both for your permission. It really helped. We definitely are too hard on ourselves, and even as disappointing as a setback is, we need to keep the attitude of "it is no big deal". I tried to not over-react to that set back of mine on Sunday, but then when I woke yesterday morning, I felt anxious. My anxiety was always worse in the mornings. And I started to think: "oh no, it wasn't a blip, it is really back". But I was able to stop myself and remind myself what the tapes said: Just because you have a bad morning, doesn't mean you'll have a bad day or a bad week. And then I went on to feel pretty good. But in the afternoon, I found out my cousin had died. He was young, but it wasn't entirely unexpected, so I have been thinking a lot about that, but again giving myself permission to feel spacey and a little out of it because of it. I try to stay in the moment and that helps some. Thanks for your support.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Jun 10, 2008 6:24 am

I also agree that anyone should be granted a bad day or a bad couple days...but try to make it as good as you can.
My morning started off sad -- I went outside to feed the cats and the birds and one of our cats had a baby bird (I am not sure what kind of bird) but it broke my heart because the cat let go of it and the bird was running in my direction. I shouted at the cat and tried to reach the little bird to save it, but the cat grabbed it and ran away with it into an old house on our property that is unsafe to enter...by the time the cat came out again it had killed the bird...I cried because I wanted to save the bird and I cried for the bird's parents (might sound silly to some people) I just cry very easily lately and things bother me more that I used to brush off a bit easier.

Cried, took a bubble bath/then a shower and feel a bit better now. I can salvage the rest of my day...

Hope you all have a good day.
Amanda

Maeggie · Post by **Maeggie** » Thu Jun 12, 2008 8:40 am

sweetmuse: I hope you managed to salvage the rest of your day. It is the cat's nature to want to try and get the bird, but that doesn't make it any easier to see. I have been working my positive self-talk SO hard today. I mentioned my cousin had died, and it didn't really hit me until yesterday afternoon when I talked to my other cousin (his sister) who I am pretty close to. I wanted to go to the funeral service which was 9 hours away, but I have two young kids so I left them home with my husband, and started out last night. I cried a lot on the first part of the drive (3 hours), mostly grieving, some because I was worried about me re-lapsing still, or getting worse. Then this morning, after not much sleep, and still crying some, I realized I could not drive another 6+ hours by myself, into the middle of nowhere, as upset as I was. It wouldn't be safe. I never had a fear of driving, so it wasn't that I was afraid, but I definitely felt unable to handle it. I had only 3 hours to make the decision whether to try to go or not yesterday, so I made the decision to go out of love and grief. But this morning I realized it was not the right thing, and possibly dangerous, and my cousin said she couldn't believe I would even have tried, and she was touched that I wanted to come so much. So all the way home I had to comfort myself with how what I was feeling was normal when someone dies suddenly (and it is a really difficult family situation...everyone is pretty devastated). I am trying to give myself permission to have these feelings of sadness, and even some anxiety, and just feeling out of it, because of the situation. And trust (hope) that it will pass. Sorry to go on so long, it's been a hard day. Thanks for listening.
Formerly sleepless (but tired today) Mom

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Jun 17, 2008 4:03 am

sleeplessMom Grief can be weird. It can affect different people in many ways..I remember when my cousin died when I was 12 and she was 12...I didn't cry at first but guilt manifested itself and I battled those feelings about 2 years later....
I've had where my Gramma was dying of terminal cancer and since her quality of life was diminished --- we all welcomed her death though it broke our hearts it was worse seeing her struggle. I helped to care for her during days -- her final days...Anyways sorry to bum you out with this depressing topic, but yes grieving is a way of life.

seadog · Post by **seadog** » Mon Jun 30, 2008 6:10 am

I completely understand where the bad day overanalyzing comes from. I had a pretty big relapse this weekend and I was totally suprised b/c i have been feeling better than ever lately (new job, grad school starting, leaving child services position). I sobbed Saturday and Sunday morning thinking there was something wrong with me, maybe I should just go back on medication, etc. I got so down on myself, which made it worse. This "thing" really is a kind of addiction. I got into my negative thoughts without even realizing it. I needed to slow down. My father called me when I was walking(to burn the released adrenaline and cortisol from the attacks). He told me something that kind of made me wake up and turn my negative thinking pattern around. he stated "Sarah, you think that everytime this happens, there is something wrong with you. You're allowed to have a few bad days in row. Everyone has them. You're being too hard on yourself." I really was. I thought I was a failure b/c i relapsed. I am feeling much better today, but am still suseptible, but have to just live in the moment. May I suggest you look at Deepak Chopra's relaxation/meditation exercises. They have really helped slow my mind and get me back on track. It's nice to hear that there are people who have similar feelings.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jul 02, 2008 3:11 am

Good for you Sarah. Keep up the good work and thanks for the suggestion for the meditation/relaxation exercises.