Empowering Group Program Run-through part15

[THH]

Mike:
Having your place for sale is really hard! Geez you really are getting tested! I'm sorry, but I also know maybe you will find a better place? Have you thought about where you might like to live? Are there other apartment close you can check out? Around here property is not really selling. Maybe you can just stay there for a long time. I understand uncertainty and also I would not like people coming into my apartment.
I did have that situation many years ago when I rented a house. The landlord informed me that he was selling, and there would be a lock box on the door and people could come in and see the place. I ended up getting a new place to live, not as nice as that one, but still okay, moved and he decided to pull it off the market and re rented it. I was mad at myself because I could of stayed there. I like the guy I rented from, this new place the guy was a ass.

Remember in the tape the guy who was stressed out because his wife was having a baby? All overwhelming things are not negative. Some really are positives! It is expectations I do it too. Even not at this time, maybe it is just simply too much to do ever! I'm glad your moving forward too, and that is a great thing. Baby steps, one thing at a time, one day at a time.

[Ninjafrodo2]

Sounds like you had panicked in your situation with the landlord putting the house up for sale THH and I can totally understand why someone would feel like that and I was starting to although because there is no deadline for me to get out, i'm not at that panic stage..But for at least a year now I've felt like he was going to sell the place, that he didn't actually belong here in Toronto and there were signs that really confirmed for me that he would do that and I also know that I'm not really happy here anyways and maybe this is what I need to help push me through the anxiety and to let me know that now is the time to find a place.

When he told me, I did check craigslist for places and there was one with the price of $555 and I thought it was wierd but I skipped it because I figured I could find something cheaper....well after I started to feel a bit discouraged and decided to stop looking, I checked my phone and the time said exactly 5:55. So I decided that was a sign and I looked at the ad for the $555 place and it turns out that the place is right beside the best park I've ever been too here in toronto, it also said they are gay friendly, they have an organized chore list, they have a backyard, they recycle and compost which I like to do myself, they have laundry in the basement and the house is warm and they have a living room as well although the room being offered is for april first and that isn't enough time for me to give notice....but check this out...I mentioned that april was too soon and the soonest I could move in would be May 1st and he told me that there is a guy moving out May 1st as well. The place is a bit more expensive but if I minus out the money I put towards laundry because there is the laundry machines in the basement then its only an extra $20 a month.

Yeah I was thinking about that guy from the tape actually and funny enough his name is Mike too I think it just has to do with the number of things and yeah expectations of getting them done and how they will turn out, your right!

Mike

[THH]

Mike:
That is really amazing with your 555 link. So are you thinking about moving in May? Sounds like a nice place too. I actually have had things come together though numbers as well. Mine happen to be the #13. But it was fun to hear, let me know what you decide to do.

I have been keeping busy. A friend/ acquaintance has a business and she ask me if I could help her with some remodeling work. She had 2 rooms of her business that she wanted wall papered. I enjoy that kind of stuff so I agreed. She is very lax and due to her business I can only work in there for brief periods of time. That is great for me, no pressure, work I like to do. Winner winner!

I have gone 2 times now, and have one room finished. I was stiff and sore because I have not been very physical all winter. Now I have at least one more day maybe two with the paper & the 2 room will be done. She is now wanting to add maybe some painting, and a mural on another wall. Here is the rub...I am getting busy with our own business and loosing time to spend there. I also have been stiff and sore and we have company coming next week end. I also have a dog class starting on Wed. I started to panic and worry how was I ever going to get everything done! Thankfully I have been working my program and it is helping me but it is still not easy.

One day at a time. I will be honest with her and let her decide. If I do have time it may take several weeks for me to get everything done. If she is okay with that I can release the pressure I put on my self in thought. If she is in a hurry and just wants it done, she can find a professional and give the rest of the project to them.

Life goes on... I can choose to go on too or with draw and stay in my zone. I am trying to be positive and grow. Being assertive is important as it is my voice on how much I want to do or take on, in this case. The positives are I love art, painting and papering are art. Someone sees that you are an artist even though I really don't look at myself as a artist. She sees this in me and has chosen me because she has faith in me. I have been wanting to do something out side of the normal. I am around other people and making small talk. Just to name a few...

Anyway it is good practice for me.

Sooooooooo where is forever young? And what is everyone's thoughts on ending this marathon! LOL...
Have a good day everyone!

[forever young 06]

Mike you are being tested but at least you have your skills. I think you are doing better than you realize and this can work out for the best. how long have you lived at this place?

I still having got my self to start working on organizing my house. This is a weakness of mine. I am still avoiding but I need to set a plan in motion to get started a least somewhere. I am pretty stubborn that is why I am staying stuck. I must change I must change. no change no gain. I have said this several times I have suppressed my feelings and needs to I don't know what I want or what I need. I do the basics to get thru my day. losing my job I lost more than just that because it was me a part of me is left behind. I don't know how to find my self. I am turning to God I don't what else to do. Nothing is impossible only believe.

[Ninjafrodo2]

I'm still here, just been keeping to myself...even with facebook too!

So something interesting happen over this last little while that has helped me to understand overcoming this condition even more so, I think this insight is one the biggest keys to overcoming it.

So I was at this one friend's place (someone I just recently met) and I was talking to him about pintrest (a website where people post pictures for everybody to see) and I was calling it P interest when its really pronounced Pin-terest. I was corrected and I felt embarassed because I didn't realize I was making the mistake but the interesting thing was that my friend hugged me for what I said. I think he thought that my mistake was adorable or cute or something when I was viewing it as embarassing and stupid. From that situation I got the idea of looking at all the negative stuff and meditating on it in a positive sense and there is a few different aspects to that which I won't mention right now but the main thing was to focus on the anxiety and the body symptoms in a positive light.

In lesson 2 we had learned about accepting the body symptoms as a sign that something is bothering us and also in several other lessons we were taught that the anxiety is helping us to protect ourselves...I thought I was accepting it but in reality I was fighting it and resisting it and not wanting it to be there...I hated the feelings, I wanted them to go away..."why am I suffering like this, why can't I just be normal? There is soemthing seriously wrong with me", these kinds of thoughts were a daily thing for me...but I didn't really realize that I wasn't accepting it. In this last couple of weeks, I've practiced surrendering to what is...to accept my reality as to where I'm at now and I've also started to see anxiety and the spacy feelings and even other negative patterns of thought and behavior in a positive light and this has significantly reduced my anxiety...before I couldn't walk around without my music playing in my ear because I had to block out those obsessive thoughts but now it seems to be more natural to not do that as often...I just don't have that urge to do it as much.

So what I mean by seeing the anxiety and the spacy feelings in a positive light is that I see what my mind is trying to do by using these things. My anxiety and the spacy feelings are ment to protect me from situations that are scary...they block out alot of the pain in the moment so I can get through it. My mind is trying to protect me and direct me away from harm through my emotions, through my fear and through my anxiety....sometimes I get overwhelmed at the idea of doing work and thats because my mind is trying to protect me from overdoing and I had a habit of overdoing things for years, it was trying to prevent me from hurting myself through that, from causing my own suffering and resentment and also from pushing myself so hard that I get physically sick. So now instead of focusing on how much I hate these feelings and they scare me, I'm focusing on appreciating how my mind is trying to keep me safe and protect me...its much more peaceful, its much more calming and now I can get to a place where I'm not feeling the anxiety at all (although still having the spacy feelings and bewilderment). Its really cool!!

I've also known for a really long time that I need to rest...I haven't really rested for a very long time and I haven't yet released all that stress and tension that I've picked up when I was younger and going through the hardest time of my life. So i'm doing more resting, I'm not facing my limitations as much as before (although I still am a bit), I'm not exercising as much as I used to, I am eating healthy and surrounding myself with things I enjoy (lots of tv shows, swimming and karaoke) and I'm taking care of some of the problems that have bothered me and that I haven't deal with for awhile (mainly debts)...and I do feel really good about that!

Oh and another thing I came up with that I find extremely useful....you know how when you grow up sometimes there is someone in your life that is really nasty to you? Or has judged you so much and then you end up thinking like that yourself? Well my sister had been like that and my family had as well and I ended up internalizing that and thinking those very things....well I have realized that this is not because of me but rather because of them...what they were saying and doing to me was based on what was inside of them and not in fact because I was a bad person or a worthless person or because I had no value, it was because they had their own issues and they were taking things out on me and talking to me the way they talk to themselves....In one of the lesson cds Lucinda said that she tried to make her father proud for her whole life he couldn't get him to say it and she said because he wasn't proud of himself and I think its the same way with this. So I came up with the idea of listening to sad music and focusing on those behavior patterns as part of my sister and my family and that really seems to put things back into a realistic perspective....In fact I got to test it out even as I ended up going to karaoke with my friend and some of his other friends that I had never met before...

I had picked out the songs I wanted to sing before-hand and wrote them out and gave them to the karaoke guy right away and the first thing out of my friend's friend's mouth was a judgemental insult to me. And instead of feeling bad about myself, I felt turned off from this guy and discusted in his behavior...I didn't take it personally at all, this guy was being very negative and judgemental and that is his own problem and I don't have to put myself in situations where he is and thats fine....I had no desire for revenge, no rage, no anger and I feel like I can protect myself simply by staying away from him.


By the way THH I'm really glad you found that painting gig. And if you hadn't worked through this program and gained the knowledge and skills, the only thing you could do in order to protect yourself from that kind of situation is to get anxious and spacy and overwhelmed and possibly even sick....how else could you defend yourself from it? Also how has 13 come up for you? What have you noticed with that?


And to answer your question about what might have happened with that place I was looking at...the guy offered it to someone else. I had took 4 days to think about the place and to see if I could in fact survive financially and in that time he ended up giving it up to someone else...and thats fine.

ForeverYoung;
Maybe it would be good for you to do all those things but maybe you are like me and you need to allow yourself to do alot of resting first and let your body and mind heal a bit until you do feel better about going after it....some thought replacement could be useful along with the resting and even if you just did those 2 things, you would definately be getting somewhere.


Mike

[forever young 06]

I wondered what happened to you Mike. Glad you are okay and we do need to refocuse and not completely fall back but. stop and rest a while have a break. Then review I need to figure out what will work for me. I in fact met with a therapist. I tried this way back in the 80s when the first started taking over my life. I didn't go that much as they didn't seem to have much to offer so going to give it one more round. I also want to review some of these lessons. I know I have a lot a facing to do but need to do it the right way.

[THH]

I'm here too! I have been busy lately, more than normal. I was feeling pretty good about many things and that helped me keep a good mind set. Today I started to feel some discouragement. I started out the morning with it due to thinking about the fresh snow and cold at the end of March. I had my dog class today and the dog had a melt down for the 2nd class. Last week was bad, and I thought this one would be better. It was slightly better. His excitement, anxiety is so high it makes going no fun. Anyway lots of thoughts came pouring into my head about this and funny how when the gates opened up how much came pouring in.

I am working my way though my disappointments and thinking of ways I can do better.

Mike good to see your posting again. forever Young you too. Just because we have done this program and learned more about ourselves does not mean we know how to live a life that is stress free, no problems. I still have work to do, and have a better understanding of how to change those thoughts around. It still takes patience with ourselves, understanding and knowing we will over come.

Mike: 13 has just come up in many ways for me. I was born on 13th. (Friday) LOL... True. My sister was born on the 13th, 2 places I lived - the address was 13 and when I showed horses my lucky # was 13. I was in the operating room for my 2 separate surgery's room 13. From time to time when making purchases esp. big ones that I was not sure if I should do, buy a car, house 13 appeared. Countless other times but it seams to be a sign that is good when it comes up. I always feel better when it shows up!

[Ninjafrodo2]

Hey guys I'm still here. Things seem to be ok for now, i'm becoming a little more comfortable with whats going on right now and a bit more comfortable with an unknown future especially when it comes to the house being up for sale. I'm more focused right now however on budgetting, meal planning and my meditation stuff and well today I was more focused with writing as my brain exploded with creativity towards writing the book i've been planning to write....it was pretty amazing actually but at the same time, the creativity didn't seem to stop and it was challenging because I had to write things down as they came to mind.

I've also come to the conclusion of how to overcome anxiety....part 1 is to build up your ability to calm yourself down via the relaxation response, part 2 is to decrease your creation of it and part 3 is to desensitize. The relaxation response I've found seemed to be the hardest part of all of it.

ForeverYoung;
The therapist thing sounds like a good idea. There were several I went to and I didn't get too much out of it myself and I stopped for several years, I then ended up moving a couple times and tried again....and had more bad experiences and then my psychiatrist was discouraging me from coming back because she was in her 70s or 80s and she wanted to retire...I told my family doctor this and he refered me to a councellor at a nearby hospital and she was really amazing! You just got to keep looking until you find someone that fits with you. I hope you get the help you're looking for.

THH
I really like how the number 13 helps bring you ease...it sounds pretty cool. I keep seeing 649 and although it might seem like I should pick up a lottery ticket...what it really means is that i'm winning with my goal to overcome the anxiety and the negative feelings.

Amazing how dogs can have anxiety too...my friend tells me that dogs actually absorb the energy and some of the issues of their owners. Maybe the opposite would be true too! By the way what did you mean about when the gates opened up how much came pouring in?

[THH]

Mike:
What I was referring to with the flood gates coming down is actually letting my guard down ( not paying attention ) and thinking / overreacting with negative thoughts. With out recognizing that is what is happening I started to feel overwhelmed with many thoughts.
I took my dog to have fun and for him to have fun, we have done training for years. He had been at home for months now and when I took him to a new place with new smells and different animals he became over stimulated and became crazy with over excitement. I was embarrassed because I never would have gone if I imagined he would fall apart like he did. I pride myself on my training, and having good dogs. So I went to that shame on me place in my mind. You did not train your dogs as good as you thought. I should have set him up better by working with him more one on one. Lots of self criticism. The list goes on including just quit. So my mind flew into this state and I did not get ahold of my thoughts till much later after I settled down.

I can say this about myself, I am not a quitter. As stressful as it was, and anticipating the same performance I have been back 3 more times! It is better, still not as good as I thought it could be, but I will finish the class. (6 weeks)

And yes I know animals pick up on peoples stress, most animals respect you as a leader. If you can't lead they will not look to you for help. Some animals have issues of their own. It is up to us humans to help them become better adjusted or feel safe with our actions.

I agree with the relaxation being the hardest of the 3 steps you spoke of. I agree it is key though. To be able to let go, under react, relax your mind, thoughts or what ever it is that comes to mind. Once I do, it puts me in a better frame of mind to solve the situation. (that is if there is a problem solving thing to be done) or just plan "let it go".

Sounds like your doing well.

Forever Young, How are you????