Just need a little positive encouragement

[missobsessive]

Hi all-

I know my subject says that I need some positive encouragement, but before I get to that part, I just wanted to say that I truly feel I have finally become one of the success stories that this program creates. For the past couple of months, I have been living in the present moment which is feeling I hadn't had in so long that I forgot what it felt like. It's amazing. I have become so much more positive. Little things that used to be such a 'big deal' aren't any more. There is so much more I am able to do - I have actually started LIVING again. Not just getting through each day. My positive thoughts have enabled me to finally get a really great job. Where before, my negative thoughts would not have allowed that to happen. Life started happening. I got to experience LIVING again.

But here comes the reason why I am posting this in the Session 15 - Getting Beyond a Growth Spurt forum. I have been working at this new place for about 2 months now. The first 6 weeks or so were GREAT. I had a great attitude, the 'I can do it' attitude. I was focused, positive, and feeling like I was just a sponge absorbing everything. I was doing very well in my first few weeks of training.

But over the last 2-3 weeks, I've been noticing that I've started to slip back into some of those old feelings that had been gone for so many months. I started being overly concerned with what one of the girls I work with thinks of me. I've noticed that I'm falling back into the people pleasing behavior again. Wanting her to like/accept me, feeling like maybe she doesn't like me, wondering what she thinks. Ugh, I was doing SO WELL with not doing that any more.

I was doing GREAT with the beginnings of what they were training me with too. I had a great teacher. Then when I moved over to the department I will actually be working in, and they started training me on all of that, it was like an information overload in such a short period of time. I was doing really well still, but the feeling of overwhelm started creeping in.

Then I started struggling with being tired constantly. I've never had a desk job before, and sitting all day is a lot harder to get used to than you'd think. I never even thought of that as being an issue.

So I've been really tired all day, which makes it hard to focus, which makes it hard to absorb all this new information I need to learn. I started to feel like I was starting to drown a bit. The other girl who I already knew before working there tells me I'm doing fine, and it is very overwhelming, and it's normal to feel that way. But all these negative thoughts started bombarding my mind again, and her reassurance isn't having as good of an affect on my feelings. I'm starting to see the 'self-sabotage' Lucinda talks about.

So now I'm starting to have anxiety about this job. After it being gone for so long! And after going in to this new job with the strong 'I can do it' attitude and excitement.

I know that I am mentally capable of learning everything and excelling in the position. I just want to get past this growth spurt and get back to feeling confident with myself and my ability to succeed. I got my little spiral notebook out again to replace my negative thoughts. It's only been a few days since I did that, so I'm still having the anxiety symptoms and negative thoughts questioning my ability to do this job as well as I think/thought I can/could.

I don't know.....I was just looking for some encouragement to help me get back on track with feeling good and confident.

Thanks

[Paisleegreen]

Hi. Congratulations on your new job! Yippie! I can totally understand how you feel, after the excitement of getting the new job and then to now having to adjust to new people that can be intimidating. Also, having to sit at a desk job all day would be very hard as well because you don't get those muscles moving which help with the nerves and feel good neurons.

But as you said before, you can do it!

I had a volunteer job for 18 months, and my panic attacks came after I had been doing it for a few months. So it was quite the adjustment. Although this job was for around 5 to 6 hours one night a week, not everyday. I managed through the whole following year until the job ended due to construction, but it did test me on many levels and give me self confidence and yet sometimes made me anxious. One main person would say things to me that just came out of the blue, but I knew that part of her problem was that she had to work there and had a sick husband at home. My life probably seemed better than hers, so since I was the volunteer and she was the employee and under stress I'm seemed to be a frustration to her when I would forget something or do something that bothered her. They were pretty mild and nothing serious, but I was convenient person to vent her frustrations on.

I also realized that she was older than me by almost 8 years, and I thought she was younger! Also she suffered from a lot of pain as well, so I'm sure it wasn't fun to see me come in pretty cheerful and able to walk without pain. But I had the pain of anxiety and fear...one time she thought I was on too much medication, and another time she thought I was taking too many road trips. They both were off the wall comments...and she really had no clue what meds I was taking and how rewarding taking trips away from home are for me. So you just never get away from other people stating their opinions or using you as a "scapegoat".

I do find that life in general is harder as there is so much sarcasm and meanness portrayed in in TV and in the movies. I try to watch positive tv shows as well as movies. Unfortunately, the majority of the public watches these types of shows and don't balance it out with a more kinder and gentler type of entertainment that brings peace.

Keep on reading your card with the great quote and remember the Serenity Prayer. Paislee

[missobsessive]

Hi Paislee,

Thanks for your response.

Some days aren't as bad as others. Like yesterday, I felt much better than I did today. I just keep getting so mad that this has all started to come back. I'm trying to work on my thoughts, but I just wish it would work faster. Bla, which I guess that is just another part of this negative thinking. I would like to practice floating with the feelings and thoughts more. That's so hard. I just want it to go away. I'm so surprised that just a few short weeks ago I was doing just fine. I guess this is just my first official growth spurt.

It's the times that we need to work on our thoughts and reactions the most that's the hardest.

Blaaaa.

Thanks

[Paisleegreen]

You are so right! I've been gone for a bit, but thought I better check in. I'm not quite enjoying the short and cold days we are now having. Have a good day. I know it has been a month...I've been gone so long I couldn't quite remember my password, but it came back to me. paislee

[THH]

Miss O,
Hope you have worked through your growth spurt! I too have gotten my spurts. I have done the program 2 times and I am feeling more positive and 100 % better than before the program. I think for all of us anxiety people, there is no majic in changing our perspectives. Its work and on going. We have tools to use if we relax and reconize what is bothering us. In your 1st post you mentioned all the triggers, what people think, wanting to please. being over tired. Having a new job is a big change for you. I hope you found your excitment for it again!

Paislee,
HEYYYYY Girl! Long time no see. Hope things are going well for you as well.

[CautiousKat]

I can relate to what everyone is saying in these posts. Life events and stressors can really be a challenge when dealing with anxiety. I think we are just wired in a way to react to things more quickly than others. I know my adrenaline switch can be flipped REALLY quick! I was doing really well with facing and countering my anxiety feelings when all of a sudden while driving my daughter and the neighbor's kid to school I had this thought in my head "wouldn't it be really bad if you had a panic attack and then didn't want to drive the girls to school anymore?" Well, guess what happened? I had a panic attack and since then I have done battle with not wanting to drive them to school. At first I was having my husband drive them, but then I decided I had to stop letting fear win on this! I have been taking them, but I take a dose of Xanax before I go. I am trying to get through this growth spurt with the idea that I will not let fear control me -- especially when it comes to my child. I have missed too many other things in the past with my 2 older children, and you only get one chance to raise your kids. I think it is normal when faced with life-changing events (job changes, health issues, the death of a loved one) to once again have to deal with anxiety. It's normal for anyone to feel that way during those times. I think we get fearful because we are feeling those body symptoms again and are once again afraid "it's back." I have times when I get so discouraged that I don't feel like fighting my way back. My husband and kids are what keep that fight in me. I think stress caught up with me after losing my mom almost 2 years ago, and prior to that taking care of her after her accident.

I think the key here is to know that panic can come back, but if we change our belief from "it's back" to a belief of "I am just stressed out right now, and this is only temporary" then maybe we can move through these times a lot quicker. This has helped me, and I hope it helps all of you in some way. Take care!

[lucy knepp]

Thank you! I think you are doing fine. Never give up is the best advice. I suffer from the depression, scary thoughts, worying, living in the past, guilt, wanting approval........you name it I got it. Did the program. Found mini chat and forums and might do the program again from the beginning but did learn a lot from it and hope to keep practicing the self talk, expectations (don't set them too high), all the sessions. Very good. It's like everything in life....you get out of it what you put into it. Step away if you need to. Reflect, but don't give up. We are not alone!