Got to the end and still feel very anxious
Boy do you have your hands full!! I'm not envious of you.
She sounds so much like my own mother, it's scary.
My take is this: She's so miserable herself, she can't see straight. Obviously, all sorts of issues that run the gamet from minor to extreme.
Unfortunately, I have not found a positive/productive way to deal with my mother either. You can't reason with someone like this. They don't want to hear that they are wrong or at fault in any way. They can't accept it. Everything is someone else's fault (you're too sensitive). No one else can do things as well as they, (boiling vegies). Any constructive criticism is seen as an all out attack, the defenses go up and they start lobbing their insults, complaints and gripes at you.
Quite frankly, I wish I could give you advice to solve your situation, but short of a bolt of lightening hitting her and some major self-realizations along with counseling, I don't think you'll get very far with her.
I haven't talked to my mother in two months now and feel amazingly "freed". I know you are not able to do this, as you live with her, and will continue to for quite a while.
I think you've found the best way possible to deal with her. Stay out of her way as much as possible.
Worry about your own recovery. You have enough on your shoulders, you don't need her baggage too. Which is what she's doing, passing her baggage along to those around her.
Go through the program again. It's obviously helping you. You adjusted to your situations better this time around. Reinforcement will bolster your strength. Focus on yourself. You deserve it.
Is there a way to gauge when she's in the kitchen, to adjust your meal schedule around her? Are there things you can do to stay out of the house as much as possible? Use the ploy of being busy, that you just happen not to see much of her.
I wish I could give you a resolution, but all I can offer is understanding. I hope that helps.
You're not alone. We're all here for you. You can do this. You will succeed. You've already persevered. You will again. Keep your head high. Breathe and take it one day at a time.
Mean people suck!
She sounds so much like my own mother, it's scary.
My take is this: She's so miserable herself, she can't see straight. Obviously, all sorts of issues that run the gamet from minor to extreme.
Unfortunately, I have not found a positive/productive way to deal with my mother either. You can't reason with someone like this. They don't want to hear that they are wrong or at fault in any way. They can't accept it. Everything is someone else's fault (you're too sensitive). No one else can do things as well as they, (boiling vegies). Any constructive criticism is seen as an all out attack, the defenses go up and they start lobbing their insults, complaints and gripes at you.
Quite frankly, I wish I could give you advice to solve your situation, but short of a bolt of lightening hitting her and some major self-realizations along with counseling, I don't think you'll get very far with her.
I haven't talked to my mother in two months now and feel amazingly "freed". I know you are not able to do this, as you live with her, and will continue to for quite a while.
I think you've found the best way possible to deal with her. Stay out of her way as much as possible.
Worry about your own recovery. You have enough on your shoulders, you don't need her baggage too. Which is what she's doing, passing her baggage along to those around her.
Go through the program again. It's obviously helping you. You adjusted to your situations better this time around. Reinforcement will bolster your strength. Focus on yourself. You deserve it.
Is there a way to gauge when she's in the kitchen, to adjust your meal schedule around her? Are there things you can do to stay out of the house as much as possible? Use the ploy of being busy, that you just happen not to see much of her.
I wish I could give you a resolution, but all I can offer is understanding. I hope that helps.
You're not alone. We're all here for you. You can do this. You will succeed. You've already persevered. You will again. Keep your head high. Breathe and take it one day at a time.
Mean people suck!
Hey, I can relate only with my own mother! My mother-in-law who has (had) a much gentler, kinder spirit, unfortunately is in the nursing home with dementia, progressing dementia called Lewy body disease. We wonder why it can't be the other way around, God forgive us.
Resolution??? How about being assertive and offering her your program, or better still, have her buy her own. Sounds like she really needs it and sounds like you may need to do it again. I did it twice. Second time around was with a coach. I also bought the spiritual workbook which is reasonable in price, you may want to try that. Prayers out to you honey, hang in there cuz better days are coming!
Resolution??? How about being assertive and offering her your program, or better still, have her buy her own. Sounds like she really needs it and sounds like you may need to do it again. I did it twice. Second time around was with a coach. I also bought the spiritual workbook which is reasonable in price, you may want to try that. Prayers out to you honey, hang in there cuz better days are coming!
My own mother drives me crazy too, so I can relate, thank goodness she's in another country.
My advice, don't try to change her or expect her to change....
I would try to tell myself that you don't need her to change to enjoy your life.
Maybe you and your boyfriend will find fun things to do outside the home,and start working on a plan to get out of there permamently!
Try to minimize your contact with her and then try to change your reaction to her. You can't make anyone like you or be nice to you. She's not even nice to her own son, so it reasonable that she's not nice to you either.
I'm seeing that it's my job to like and accept myself and no one else's.
Good luck to you in a hard situation!!!
My advice, don't try to change her or expect her to change....
I would try to tell myself that you don't need her to change to enjoy your life.
Maybe you and your boyfriend will find fun things to do outside the home,and start working on a plan to get out of there permamently!
Try to minimize your contact with her and then try to change your reaction to her. You can't make anyone like you or be nice to you. She's not even nice to her own son, so it reasonable that she's not nice to you either.
I'm seeing that it's my job to like and accept myself and no one else's.
Good luck to you in a hard situation!!!
Move!
If you stay, you have NO RIGHT to confront her, its her house. You said you will not tolerate being treated like this. So move. She's probably sick of taking care of her son when he should be out on his own, this is causing you to feel bad which is negetive thinking and we all know negetive thinking produces anxiety. So move.
If you stay, you have NO RIGHT to confront her, its her house. You said you will not tolerate being treated like this. So move. She's probably sick of taking care of her son when he should be out on his own, this is causing you to feel bad which is negetive thinking and we all know negetive thinking produces anxiety. So move.