The Challenge...Lesson 13

[THH]

Mike,
Oh I do agree that it might come off that we may not care about them. In reality that is so not true. I like to hear of people doing well, what is going right in peoples life. I'm guilty of magical thinking, I want to escape to that land where everything is peaceful and safe. Even if it is in my own mind, I have to remember to run there myself! Ha.

I agree on the people pleasing problem too.

I knew people that ever sense they were little they would say I want to be a teacher, grow up and they are teachers/ same with just about all the goal driven people I knew. I never knew what I wanted to be, and have felt left out . I'm getting better at realizing I wanted a house with horses in my back yard, and I too have my goal! LOL... I WILL make my new goal, to set some new goals! LOL...

[THH]

Paislee,
You poor girl!!!! You have had sooo many losses. I think you are doing very well!!!! I agree that doing this program will help in so many ways. Time heals all wounds. Making a life and choosing to build it takes work and a fan to fuel those old embers. It takes time and everyone has their own clocks. One step at a time, one minuet, one hour, one day. I believe those holes left in our heart by those we love will never go away. Instead we learn to live with them, because of them. We will be joined again one day!
Keep posting, we are here for each other!

[NinjaFrodo]

THH
It can be very drainning when people talk about all the problems but i'm not sure we are at the place right now to be able to handle that stuff, I know i'm not. I tend to get spacy and then have a mental vacation whenever it happens...I'm probabbly not at the best resort with all the sunshine, the beaches, the water and the entertainment but i'm somewhere else that is less of the negative situation that the other person talks about.

Its kind of like the law of attraction if you think about it. Those people kept saying it over and over and over again and then it happened. I did the same thing when I said I was going to deal with the man who sexually abused me and I've also been saying for the last 15 years that I was going to use my pain and suffering to help people and make a big diffrence in the world. Thats what I want to do when I grow up.

A great place to start for the goal setting is to look at your priorities in life...that list of mental states and emotions you value the most in life. Figure out something that fits in there and then figure out how you can make a goal out of it.

Paisleegreen
So it gave you understanding and a name to what you were experiencing. What are AD's, sometimes you have put in abbreviations that I just don't understand.



Mike

[Paisleegreen]

Hi Mike, AD's is an abbreviation for Anti Depressants. I think I got that Abbrev. from Silver Lining or someone else on here. I have never shortened it before.

I like your goals that you discussed and also using the Secret.

[THH]

Mike,
No I am not either. Its hard finding positive people! I have a few thankfully but I do have more down people in my life then positive ones.

I agree I need to set some goals for myself. Thank you for reminding me of a starting place. Back to that priority list. I never did Finnish it. It needs addressed.

I love when you grow up!!! LOL... Very cute.

My question is this to you, " I was going to use my pain and suffering to help people and make a big difference in the world"
How are you going to measure your success?
You help alot of people every day! You must be grown! LOL....

[Paisleegreen]

I agree, Mike, you must be grown, because you have helped me a lot and keep doing so! I don't quite like these smilies, the smiles aren't always right to me. I don't want a little smile for you, but I don't want an insincere smile. Is this anxiety?

[NinjaFrodo]

THH
Most of the positive people I have found have been from the gym at the group fitness classes and then people through those people. You could try doing that! And like Carolyn said in one of the tapes,...10 years later all these positive people are in my life, my life didn't change, I changed. [We were very negative and in turn attracted negative people and more negative behavior and now we are more positive and are more likely to attract more positive people and positive behavior]

Your goals can even be emotion goals. "I would like to create more joy in my life" or "I'd like to create more feelings of love" if you focus on those then you will attract ways to make that happen.

You love when I grow up? Haha

I never really thought of how I would measure that and I think I want to change that statement now to something more positive. I think I"m going to use the understanding and wisdom I've gotten from my pain and suffering to help others and make a diffrence in the world. Your right I guess I'm already doing that. Yes I'm grown like an unmowed lawn!

Paisleegreen
Lol I read that wrong. I thought you said you didn't want an insecure smile and I was thinking oh that would totally fit in the set of emoticons for the website. You are feeling anxious then use the insecure smile or the anxious emoticon.

I guess my perception has been way off when it comes to the help I have given you. Honestly I have felt like I have failed but perhaps that is because i'm trying to help you solve your problems and I don't think I have been coming up with good enough solutions but in all reality, if I'm helping to make you feel better then that is helping. Thats my assumption, would you agree or disagree with that?


Mike

[THH]

Mike,
I might join a gym as well. That might help me get out and do something to get involved with doing something healthy! I at times wish I lived closer to the city as they do offer so much. I'm 6 miles from the first stop light! LOL....

That is also good suggestions for creating goals for myself. Although I have a hard time feeling it now that I feel so under the weather. I think I will look for a movie to watch!

Stay well everyone!

[Paisleegreen]

THH--Sorry, you are not feeling well. Yes, you are definitely in the boonies. I felt that way when we moved to my town, and we could walk to the city park, cemetery, and public pool and into Mainstreet. Now it is too crowded. Our two lane road that deadended at the highway now is 5 lanes and an over pass over the freeway. So we have a street light at the end of our subdivision and more traffic than just the local people that we always waved "Hi" to.

Mike, you have helped by asking me questions and answering my comments. That's how problems are solved by getting someone else to ask a question I hadn't thought of or get me out of the obsessive thinking. I think just having a listening ear, so to speak has been so helpful!

When I put Insecure smile, that is funny! But I think I meant an insincere smile. The big grin one, sometimes seems to be too big for "sincere" comments. LOL! So I "worry" that I might offend someone because I don't want them to think I've got a sarcastic type of smile going on. Paisleegreen

[NinjaFrodo]

THH
Thats a really good idea. 6 miles I assume is pretty far...I don't drive and have a hard time imagining how far 6 miles is.

Maybe goal setting would be more beneficial and easier to come up with things when you are feeling better and more clear minded.

by the way did you end up doing Action assigment #8 yet? No rush i'm just reminding you because i'm curious as to what you came up with.

Paisleegreen
OK well i'm glad

That is a funny obsessive thought you have. Do you think there is a possibility you may be over thinking that? Personally I wouldn't have thought that myself but it would be pretty funny to start using that...you know in those cases where I want to smile but not be sincere about it

Some of these obsessive thoughts can be so unrealistic and we not even realized how they don't make much sense or how they are unrealistic. For example. There was one lady a couple years ago who was a severe case of anxiety (social anxiety, agoraphobia...etc) and she had this obsessive thought that if she even stepped in a puddle of alcohol she would get drunk and then lose control and get panicky.
Sometimes I remind myself about her and then think of my own obsessive thoughts to see if i'm doing that too.


MIke