Now...4 months later, I still get depressed. My home in NJ is still there. But it was my parents home, not mine, but I lived there as a child, then as an adult. I am still fighting this. With the spring coming and the nicer days TRYING to peek through, I think. WHere is my real home now? What did I do.??? I had to leave, the house was being sold. I left my heart there, my parents memory, my childhood. When you are alone, you have no one but yourself to depend on. People alienate you more and more, somehow they seem afraid of you when you are alone.
I did not evaporate or vaporize since I moved out..But......I have been sick with every ailment that I ever had, migraines, pain and aches so bad, I stay in bed all day, stomach problems, and dreams about my home that bring me back over 200 miles away without a car, without a plane, without anything but my mind....I am home again. No matter how I try to forget about my home back in NJ, My mind brings me there in my dreams at night. Its exhausting. What can a person do to stop this..???? Hopefully in time, the dreams will stop or slow down. I dont want them to stop but right now its too much for me to handle. This is the hardest thing I ever did in my life besides watching my parents die. The next hardest thing i returning to get the rest of my things at the house. I dont think I will be able to do this.
