Socializing and such.

Layne · Post by **Layne** » Fri Jan 11, 2008 6:46 pm

Hello everyone.

One of my major problems when it comes to anxiety/panic/depression is socializing. I am only twenty so socializing, such as parties and going to the bar is a big thing with people around my age. I have always been one to stay home on a weekend evenings alone or maybe with one other person and only do things like go to a movie or something more "safe" and less social. This almost always leaves me upset and feeling left out, but I am letting myself be afraid and making these social events seem like too much effort. It is especially hard when my boyfriend of three years is a social butterfly and just wants me to be social with him. I do make an effort to go out on occasion but it is always a difficult process. A lot of the time I feel resentment towards him because it is so easy for him. And that makes me feel even worse. It also tends to cause tension and hard feelings between us.
PLUS, I have a really hard time accepting the fact that people actually enjoy my company when I do go out. Many a time my boyfriend will tell me how much his friends like me or how much so and so enjoyed talking to me or how they all wondered why I didn't come out. Why do I have such trouble believing it? Of course these people aren't lying but I can't help but think in the back of my mind, why do they like me? I do realize this seems very negative, but I just wanted to be completeley honest. This is probably the hardest thing for me to overcome. I would really appreciate any advice. Thanks so much.

Layne.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jan 11, 2008 9:59 pm

I have the same problem socializing like you do and in my case I think is inward anger I have toward a couple of important people in my life. They hurt my trust at certain point and I having a really hard time letting it go even though conciously I want to. So at this point I think it eflects it everytime I socialize with somebody... Check out your anger, just a thought!

Gman5256 · Post by **Gman5256** » Sat Jan 12, 2008 1:19 am

Good Morning,

It is hard to accept positive feedback about yourself from others. I have a very hard time with it and when I do hear it I'm in shock that someone actually misses me, or likes me or enjoys being around me. It brings me up for a while but then something happens to bring me down and that's it my thoughts are back down again. So I think now that I'm talking about this is to keep thinking of all those positive remarks "Hey it was fun being with people, I really had a good time, they actually enjoyed me and thought I was ok. I guess I'm not as boring or unsociable as I thought. Hmm maybe I can try this again."
That's why I'm here to be positive. So should you and you will get there trust me.
Cancer 25

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Jan 12, 2008 2:44 pm

Hi Layne! I'm 26 and I've been dealing with anxiety since I was 19 and I too haven't gone out much like most twentysomethings. I can relate to how you feel like you are missing out and how going out can be a difficult process. I think you should try to go out more often because one of the ways we overcome our fears is by doing them. Maybe the more you go out you could really come to enjoy it. At least if you try you'll know that you didn't give in to the anxiety and maybe you won't be upset and you'll feel better about the whole situation. Take care and I hope everything works out good for you

.

Rose

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jan 13, 2008 3:09 am

Hi Layne - I was the same way in college. I almost never went to social events. I found "safety" in the library with my studies and quite honestly didn't enjoy wild parties, drinking, and staying up late. You have to ask yourself how much of this is because of your anxiety with agoraphobia and how much is because you're just not really into bars, drinking, and wild parties. For me, it was both and I tried to reach a happy medium by engaging in activities of my choosing- movie night with a couple of friends, running on the school cross country team, volunteering with one of the fraternities/sororities, hiking and camping. At times even these were hard for me (and still are) just because I was in a situation where I had to interact with people. I would caution you not to be hard on yourself if you were like me and just not a natural wild child but to accept what you like and still try to go out there and test your limits to overcome anxiety.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jan 13, 2008 4:53 am

When I read your post, it sounded like me. I would rather be by myself than socializing. I tend to believe that I am boring, when in fact, people have told me they enjoy my company. The times I do go out, I enjoy myself. I am going to make it a point to became more social. I need to let go & trust myself. Thank you for bringing this to my attention. Take small steps, it may not be as hard as you think. Keep the faith & go for it.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jan 13, 2008 7:51 am

Hello!
I am 22 and have never had too mamy problems socialising, but find it harder being on my own! Which also sucks let me tell you

Also, it's interesting that other people have brought up the fact that you might not be into wild parties, and it sounds to me you have a well rounded set of interests and don't need to get wasted and do stupid stuff!!

Lastly, I find really loud people have little substance and often nothing of worth to say. (Empty vessels make the most noise!) I bet people love talking to you because you make a concious effort to be interesting and considerate. It's people who think they're 'All that' that are dull, trust me!!