I need your advice

[LisaLisa]

I have been doing great getting my anxiety under control. However, I am having a bit of an anxious moment. My son started school Tuesday (Jr. High 6th Grade). He had two half days and today was his first full day. When he came to the car I could immediately tell something was wrong. He said that the kids all ignored him and made him feel he was not good enough. We went through this last year with him feeling that he didn't fit in. I am starting to feel anxious about his situation and I don't want him to pick up on these feelings. I don't know how I should handle this or what I should tell him to day. Any help would be greatly appreciated. I can already feel myself getting ready to "what if" and obsessively think about it and worrying I won't sleep because of this. He has the next four days off for the Labor Day holiday. I just feel sick to my stomach knowing he is so upset. Thanks,

Lisa

[Denise Lynn]

LisaLisa:

First off, you have a right to feel anxious over the situation. A little anxiety is normal given what you are saying. Please give yourself permission that it is okay to feel a little anxious. Next, though, don't let yourself become over anxious...that is the trick for many of us! You can already tell that you are obsessing and are getting into negative "what ifs" on this. So stop it and be more proactive as to the situation and also stop predicting negative outcomes. One proactive thing could be to try and talk with his teacher about this....don't get into finger pointing or blame, simply note that your son said this and you are just trying to get her read on the situation. Making the teacher aware of his feelings can be a huge help to the situation. Perhaps next you simply need to pump him up as to what a good kid he is.....all Mom's can handle that assignment! Lastly, what are some other possible "positive" outcomes from all this? Hey, just the fact that your kid feels secure enough with his relationship with you to talk about these things I think are a huge positive rather than bottling them up. I'm not saying predict everything will be storybook, but how else can this school year turn out for him.

Remember, all Moms would feel a bit of anxiety hearing that from their son....so it is okay to feel a bit. But next just be proactive of addressing the situation rather than just getting more anxious about it. Proactive rather than predict!!! You will soon get to the bottom of this!

[NinjaFrodo]

irish89, Thank you so much for your words of encouragement and good advice. I asked my son if he wanted me to talk to the teacher and he said he wanted to try to handle this himself first. I am so proud of him. I will work on the positive outcome thoughts. Thanks for letting me be anxious and for your quick response.

LisaLisa

[Guest]

You might want to also get out session 3 and go over it again. and then help teach him to change those negative thoughts into positive ones. Like maybe today I felt like all the kids ignored me but tomorrow I'm going to find a kid I really like and make friends with him/her. I'm not saying not to pay attention to this or not to talk to the teacher if this doesn't get better in a couple of days I'm just saying that positive self talk helps us It will probably help him also.

[Michele-IL]

I can relate completely. My 11 year old son has had the same issues. Just this afternoon we went to find out who his teacher is going to and who is going to be in his class. Well,,,the one teacher he did not want he got and the one boy that he has struggled with is in his class this year. He has always played travel baseball and decided to give it up after a year and half of intensive, competetive play. This boy is his old managers son. He has been very anxious about this...as he gets anxious..I get anxious. My heart absolutley breaks for him. However, today as he was talking.....the what ifs himself..I tried to encourage him to think positively and to control only the things he can and then let the rest go. This is hard for me because I struggle with doing the exact thing I am telling him to do. But, what good practice for both of us. So,,,I am applying the things I am learning and I just started on session three to his situation. Knowing that the more positive I can be will rub off on him. I know from a mothers stand point how heartbreaking this is, trust me. I have spent many sleepless, tearful nights over this. But, now I feel I have some new tools I can teach him as well as practice with. Also prayer....I told my son today that he is exactly where God intends him to be and that we are going to make the best of his 6th grade year but, it must start with positive thinking. Keep me posted...I would love to hear how you are handling these events as they come up...so, I can learn as well.

[derfy]

Lisa: You should be proud of him. What a mature guy! See you thought the worst and all that keeps happening is your son continues to impress! Let him handle it, if it doesn't seem to be working, take a turn chatting with the teacher. You seem fully in control of this situation....a little anxiety was good for you in this as it made you question the situation. Now that you've been proactive, you've done away with your anxiety. Isn't that a nifty trick?

[Guest]

Formyboys and Irish89 - Thank you so, so much for all of your help. It is so appreciated. I told my son that we are both going to listen to Session 3 today. He is all for it. I am so proud of him for not letting this get to him and making it a positive situation. He said to me that he has no problem hanging by himself at lunch, he said it would give him a chance to work on homework so his evenings would be free. Can't get anymore positive than that. I know he'll be okay, but knowing you guys were there with help and experience means so much to me. Thank you again.
Lisa