Hello, I haven't posted here in quite a while. I have been trying to live my life, lol (finally). I am on lesson 8 (I should be on 11,12, but I am taking my time) and I have to say, I am doing so much better. I'm not fully *recovered* yet, but am doing a lot better. Since I started the program again for the second time in 12 years, I go out a lot more. Since this year started, I have probably done so much more than I did last year, lol. I won concert tickets on a radio station, so I had to go on the other side of town to pick them up. I went, I was nervous, but I survived. I know I was the one telling me I was nervous and scared. There was absolutely nothing to be nervous or scared about, just my old negative thinking. The way I have always done things for the past 17 years. I didn't drive, my husband drove. I used to beat myself up about driving, because that was one of my big "Shoulds", but I don't want to drive, I don't like driving, and so what! I'd rather sit in the passenger seat and relax while he does the driving. I do drive occasionally to the store and to my children's schools, but because I choose to, not because I feel I have to. The concert was great (Bryan Adams), my husband and I had a nice time and went to have dinner afterwards. This year, I also went to see one of the presidential candidates, and WOW! I would have NEVER done that before. We waited in line for a few hours, we got into the gym where the rally was taking place, we sat up on the bleachers, I was in a crowd, it was loud, there were lights everywhere, but I was really excited. I did start to get a little anxious towards the end, but told myself, I'm going to be OK. I was tired and thirsty and it was my first time being at a place like that, and also getting to see a former president of The United States (I think I just gave away the candidate, lol). When we left, I still felt anxious throughout the night, but kept telling myself why I was feeling that way and it was OK. This past Sunday, I went to a WWE wrestling match that was going on here in Las Vegas, and again, I would have never gone before. We were sitting way up high (cheap seats), sure, I got nervous, but I just got up and walked around the place looking at the souvenirs. My family has gone to those before, but I always made up an excuse why I didn't want to go. My children were so happy! It was a great night, even after the wrestling was over, we went out to eat in a restaurant! My second time eating IN a restaurant in 2 weeks, which is a lot for me because I feared them! Here is the BIGGEST thing I did this year so far. Well, like maybe some of you here, I got anxiety when I was 17, I dropped out of school, I never finished high school, and never got a GED. Getting a GED for me has always been so important. I have always wanted to go and register for YEARS for the FREE on-line class at a library that is out of my "comfort zone", but of course I was always scared. Well, anyway, I finally DID IT!! I went to register! I had to meet with a couselor who gives you a pre-test and registers you for the on-line class. I wasn't nervous one bit when I went to meet her or to take the pre-test. I have been studying since and am doing really well. She said I shouldn't have a problem because I did so well on the pre-test.
. I also registered my husband and myself for this coming Saturday, for a First Time Home Buyers Education class that lasts 8 hours! I'm so excited about that, but am of course, I'm having the "What If" thinking. So, send me some positive thoughts, please.
Ok, this is where the "sort of" on the subject line comes in......
I still get weird, stupid feelings that I KNOW are not real, but I'm trying to figure out what the heck they're all about. I know they can't hurt me, but why do I get them? Also when going to something big, like I mentioned above, why do I feel "weird" afterwards for the rest of the night? I guess because I haven't done any of these things in forever. Is anyone else feeling the same as me? Like they say on the tapes, it's hard to figure out how we're "supposed" to be. That's very true, because we're so used to our old, negative thinking. I'm still sort of having a hard time just relaxing at home and watching TV with my husband. I am doing a lot better though, but still have a problem with that. I know I have been doing a lot more, but I still get the negative thoughts, especially around my period (sorry men). If you're a male reading this, you probably want to stop now.....during my menstrual time, I have a hard time. I get anxiety really bad. Do any ladies here have the same problem? If so, what do you do? I just keep telling myself, It will be over in a few days. It's so hard though. I hate it! I think that's my BIGGEST problem. I am now almost eating 100% good. I stopped sugar all together. Haven't had fast food in a month, except for this weekend, bad me and am exercising regularly, but right now I'm sick with asthma, so haven't in a week. Tonight, I did 20 minutes on the treadmill.
Anyway, now I'm rambling on, lol. I guess why I wrote here is because just wanted to say I'm doing a lot better, and people that are feeling really depressed and anxious, you WILL get better! I'm not 100% recovered yet, but I am making great progress. I would like to hear from other people out there who are on lesson 8, or around that lesson, and how you're doing, and would like some positive thoughts on my PMS, and some of the negative thoughts that creep in.
Hope you hear from you all soon. I'm going to post another blog tomorrow about my 13 year old daughter who is also suffering from anxiety, poor girl, but she will be OK.
Have a great day all!!!
Mel
