I moved out of my parents house in 2005 with my boyfriend. I had $10,000 in the bank and had excellent credit. Due to lack of experience and some financial hardships, I drained my back account and my credit cards. I am now in debt and living paycheck to paycheck. I've been batteling anxiety on and off since 2003. This past June, it has come back and caused me to take of leave of absence at the end of July. My boyfriend works full time at a job where he is the finance manager and it at work from 10am to 8pm everyday. He also is going back to school part time to get a degree. Since I've been home a lot since my leave I've been thinking about my future, job status, health, and financial state. My parents think I should come back home so I can get a better grasp on my finances. My parents said my boyfriend could come live there as well, but we would have to stay in seperate rooms. I'm sure my boyfriend wouldn't be happy about that. My parents live in a 4 bedroom home with a basement and in-ground pool in a nice area. I don't know what to do. I know the program says not to make any serious moves until you are more recovered but I feel like at this point I'm not getting ahead here. I did the math and we would save $1,533 a month living at my parents house. Our rent is $1250 now and my parents wouldn't require we pay them rent. We would also save on electric, cable, and water. With the money saved, I could work on paying off my debt.
I have asked my boyfriend about this before and he has flat out refused. I'm sure it's tough for a 27 year old guy to live with his girlfriends parents and give up his independence at home. His parents currently have his younger brother at home and most recently his 30 year old cousin and his dog had to move in because he couldn't afford his own place anymore. Plus, there isn't really as much room there. I'm just really confused, concerned about my health now, and my future. I also have been afraid to drive more then 10 min away from home recently and my parents live 25min away and I'm afraid if I go there I will freak out.
Any advice or does anyone else have similar experiences???? I would appreciate any help. I am also due to go back to the doctor on 8/14 and I need to decide if I want to return to work or not.
Not sure what to do, need advice!
-
Guest
I am so sorry for you. I understand...I had the same issues my first goround with the anxiety. I had just opened a business, couldn't afford to pay someone to run it yet, but couldn't go to work!
It is very stressful. Perhaps it will help if you focus on getting better. Maybe give yourself permission to not make a decision for say 2 months. And have a plan that if you are working REALLY hard on the program for that amount of time, and not able to function, you guys could move then. That way it takes the pressure off right now until you are further in the program. Maybe even down grade if possible at that time, spend some of your free time now looking for other places. Perhaps you wouldn't save as much as living with your parents, but what if you could save at least half of that? You may not be able to make any serious dents in your debt, but if you aren't going in to anymore and giving yourself time to heal...it's worth it! The stress of living at your parents (maybe more for him than you) could take a toll on your relationship...and you don't need that added stressor.
I mentioned this before...I want to tell you again. You will probably not go through this program for a few months being off work, and then be able to go back to work with no anxiety. I hate to say this, but it is usually the case. You have to go through it over and over again for it to subside. That is what I had to do the first time...and that is what I am doing now. If you are so overly taxed, then part time is better. But you usually have to face to the fear. The sooner you do this, the faster you will get better.
Good luck and be blessed. And remember, give yourself time to see how the program works before putting all this pressure on yourself to move...and have a back up plan if it's not where you think you need to be.
It is very stressful. Perhaps it will help if you focus on getting better. Maybe give yourself permission to not make a decision for say 2 months. And have a plan that if you are working REALLY hard on the program for that amount of time, and not able to function, you guys could move then. That way it takes the pressure off right now until you are further in the program. Maybe even down grade if possible at that time, spend some of your free time now looking for other places. Perhaps you wouldn't save as much as living with your parents, but what if you could save at least half of that? You may not be able to make any serious dents in your debt, but if you aren't going in to anymore and giving yourself time to heal...it's worth it! The stress of living at your parents (maybe more for him than you) could take a toll on your relationship...and you don't need that added stressor.
I mentioned this before...I want to tell you again. You will probably not go through this program for a few months being off work, and then be able to go back to work with no anxiety. I hate to say this, but it is usually the case. You have to go through it over and over again for it to subside. That is what I had to do the first time...and that is what I am doing now. If you are so overly taxed, then part time is better. But you usually have to face to the fear. The sooner you do this, the faster you will get better.
Good luck and be blessed. And remember, give yourself time to see how the program works before putting all this pressure on yourself to move...and have a back up plan if it's not where you think you need to be.
-
Guest
I have not had a similar experience but can offer some advice. I lived with my parents until I was 25 and married. I went from their home to my home with my husband. I never was "out on my own." I don't know if your situation is similar or not in that you went from your parents to living with your boyfriend. One thing I did learn and a little too late is I missed out on getting to know me and what really were my likes and dislikes, interests etc. At this point in my life, I would never go back to living with my parents because it would be physically and emotionally draining on me. However, if given the choice of bankruptcy or living with my parents, I would take living with my parents. If your boyfriend doesn't want to make this move with you, that's fine. He can stay in the apartment. If he can't afford it, he could move back with his family or get a roomate. Don't let his unwillingness interfere with what you know is best for you. Good luck.