Restraunts
Does anyone else have intense anxiety sitting at a table in a restraunt? I've found for the past month or so I go through these surge feelings in my tummmy like i'm going to be sick when i'm sitting at a table....even somewhat while eating at a table at home...more so while eating out tho...most of the time i have to go to the washroom and calm down and go back..most of the time i'm fine after i leave once but on sunday past..on the way back from camping we stopped off to eat and i had to go like 4 times when finally i told my boyfriend i couldn't eat my meal..i had been hungry..i had eaten my appetizer...we were there with his parents and i couldnt even look at my food i thought i would gag. My boyfriend took me outside and i started crying...i couldnt help it...i hadnt had it THAT bad before. So we ended up taking the food home and I had my salmon tonight instead (salmon is my favorite fish so it wasn't that i was grossed out on sunday). Has anyone else had anything similar?
Two paths diverged in a yellow wood.
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Guest
pans,
when my panic first began back in March and April, yes...I would have this problem.
it centered around the "what if" type of thinking if something happened at the restaurant, or if I had to suddenly leave or run to the bathroom where and/or how could I get there. (I never figured what I would have to run from, BTW
)
I can remember sitting with my wife and a friend, and I was completely tense to the point where I was sweating just sitting still and my only thoughts were "how much longer do we have to sit here" and "when can we leave". The important thing to note, however, is that despite the uncomfortable feelings I STAYED in the restaurant. VERY important. Please read on.
This, I feel safe in defining as the markings of agoraphobia. The way that I defeated it or prevented it from getting worse was BY STAYING until we were done. It was a fight. My mind was convinced that the worst was coming, and I had to be ready to flee. But nothing ever did. But staying over time, reduced the tension and fear of impending doom and I now function fine again and look forward to eating out. In fact, my wife just took me out to PF Changs here in Northern VA for my birthday this past Saturday, and boy was the place packed. But it was delicious and enjoyable. It just does not bother me anymore.
I always love movies (an aspire to one day make them), and my dad and I always watched action movies together. During this stretch of agoraphobia attempting to enter in my life, I would be scared of the action movies, and the violence would literally make it an anxious time for me. The sight of a gun in a movie scared me and made me uncomfortable.
But, I kept going. VERY important. I have seen about 3 different counselors while dealing with this until I have met my current one, and they ALL confirmed the same thing: staying and enduring the feelings is tantamount to beating it. Leave, and you are feeding the furnace of fear.
Go towards the thing you fear the most, and the death of fear is certain.
I hope that I have helped.
DO NOT FLEE. ENDURE! Your are stronger than the fear!!
when my panic first began back in March and April, yes...I would have this problem.
it centered around the "what if" type of thinking if something happened at the restaurant, or if I had to suddenly leave or run to the bathroom where and/or how could I get there. (I never figured what I would have to run from, BTW
)I can remember sitting with my wife and a friend, and I was completely tense to the point where I was sweating just sitting still and my only thoughts were "how much longer do we have to sit here" and "when can we leave". The important thing to note, however, is that despite the uncomfortable feelings I STAYED in the restaurant. VERY important. Please read on.
This, I feel safe in defining as the markings of agoraphobia. The way that I defeated it or prevented it from getting worse was BY STAYING until we were done. It was a fight. My mind was convinced that the worst was coming, and I had to be ready to flee. But nothing ever did. But staying over time, reduced the tension and fear of impending doom and I now function fine again and look forward to eating out. In fact, my wife just took me out to PF Changs here in Northern VA for my birthday this past Saturday, and boy was the place packed. But it was delicious and enjoyable. It just does not bother me anymore.
I always love movies (an aspire to one day make them), and my dad and I always watched action movies together. During this stretch of agoraphobia attempting to enter in my life, I would be scared of the action movies, and the violence would literally make it an anxious time for me. The sight of a gun in a movie scared me and made me uncomfortable.
But, I kept going. VERY important. I have seen about 3 different counselors while dealing with this until I have met my current one, and they ALL confirmed the same thing: staying and enduring the feelings is tantamount to beating it. Leave, and you are feeding the furnace of fear.
Go towards the thing you fear the most, and the death of fear is certain.
I hope that I have helped.
DO NOT FLEE. ENDURE! Your are stronger than the fear!!
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Guest
I have odd feelings in restaurants as well. And this is coming from someone, who before this got really bad the past almost year, loved going to restaurants and bars and stuff.
I'm going to think positive and rephrase that. As a person who LOVES going to new restaurants and bars and stuff. I haven't been able to do it for awhile, but I'm working on it.
I just kind of get that tense, I have to flee feeling and kind of squirm around and am antsy. Sometimes hot flashes and dizziness too.
I keep thinking, "How long are we going to be in here?" I don't like that thought, as we should be living in the present like the program says and I really want to get back to the old me.
I'm going to think positive and rephrase that. As a person who LOVES going to new restaurants and bars and stuff. I haven't been able to do it for awhile, but I'm working on it.
I just kind of get that tense, I have to flee feeling and kind of squirm around and am antsy. Sometimes hot flashes and dizziness too.
I keep thinking, "How long are we going to be in here?" I don't like that thought, as we should be living in the present like the program says and I really want to get back to the old me.
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Guest
Thanks both of you for your replies. Believe me I fully understand the concept of staying and not running away...normally I would do this..but sometimes this feeling gets to intense it seriously feels like i could get sick..and i dont want to do that in the middle of a restraunt. I get sweaty palms, chills or hot flashes but mostly this sudden surge of sickness in my tummy. Sometimes I could be talking about something to someone and not normally be anxious about whatever it is that I'm talking about and the feeling in my tummy comes over me then too..it's really weird...my boyfriend is scared I'm ACTUALLY sick and that it's not just anxiety but I keep trying to re-assure him i know what anxiety is like and if i feel better by getting up and going somewhere else it's obviously not actual sickness which will normally stay with me all the time then. Just today I woke up feeling sick after i got up and i rushed to take my pill and my anxiety increased as i was trying to get it..then i laid on the bed and breathed slowly and now i'm sitting up typing to you guys...so i'm doing a bit better...it just seems to obviously be some kinda anxiety attacks.
An important thing to mention might be the fact that I also get this in cars lately too....not driving cause i don't drive..but i think there might be a reason behind both these feelings...in cars and at tables... To get to this i feel i have to explain a lot that leads up to this..because it's to do with something my dad did and the trauma it's been causing me since he did it a little over a month ago....
The end of august my dad who is 45 this year (i'm 25) who was estranged from me most of my life....flipped out on me. This is a man who lied to me about having cancer, didn't pay child support hardly even tho it was only 100 a month....after i started working he took my mom to court to try and get out of paying the arrears in child support he owed in back payments, he was never there for me...when i was in second grade he use to threaten to take me away after school so my teacher would have to wait with me till my grandpa got there to pick me up....he left my mom during christmas when i was about to turn 2...never made much effort with me my whole life.
So back in 2006...I decided to give him a second chance to try and rebuild something...he kept bugging me for it. When he came into my life he told me i had a little sister...who I found on myspace with the info he gave me (he didnt stick with her mother either and she and her parents moved..then her parents adopted my sister so she grew up living with her grandparents like i did tho mine didnt adopt me i lived with them and my mom)..so anyhow she came down for a visit in 2007 and he was so busy with his new girlfriend he didnt spend as much time as he should have with her even tho he paid for her to come visit. she stayed with me and my boyfriend.
Fast foreward to this summer...she comes for a visit again...this time is staying with him and his girlfriend and our two new baby brothers (twins)just born end of july. Dad took me and my boyfriend and sister on a road trip..during this roadtrip my sister told me our dad had said to her that he felt i only went to go see my grandfather (his dad) only to get money out of him. Now anyone who knows me knows I don't care in the least about money but my grandfather is a prospector who had found uranium and had made a good amount of money out of this...he likes to give his money away especially to his grand kids...i was ALWAYS bashful about taking it and many times told him he didnt need to do it...my dad told me later in the car to just accept it cause its what grandpa likes to do with it.
This exact same kind of incident happened with my sister too but conveniently my dad doesnt remember all the times i was bashful about this...because when i asked him about what he told my sister he said "its true you have no problem taking that money" and la de da...then starts going on about how horrible a daughter i am...he tried to say my anxiety only acts up when someone knows me too well...funny coming from a father who doesnt know me at all...he pulled so many lies out of his butt i think he literally is delusional....the thing is ...i found this out during our 3 day trip and we argued in the car on the way home...he wouldnt listen to me trying to talk calm he kept interrupting me and at one point stopped the car turned around and was screaming in my face in front of my sister and boyfriend...he made up lies that i know for a fact are wrong about my moms side of the family and my grandparents on my moms side....it was one thing after another......so this is why i feel like cars bother me now....but it all started that day when we were sitting at the breakfast table at the bed and breakfast we stayed at....he started in on me and even got upset with me because i wanted to visit my aunts grave who i never got to her funeral a year and a half before....it took all of 5 minutes and he made me feel like complete and utter crap for caring about my aunt (my grandmas sister in law). I know I really didn't need to go into all this detail but in a way i feel it might give you a better idea of the stuff that upset me and how it was at the table where the owners of the place could hear and in the car. Mind you everyone thinks he's wrong...everyone is mad at him aside from his girlfriend who thinks he's a god. He mouthed off at me when i went to the airport to see my sister off back to ontario and drove me away which caused her to get mad at him cause i didnt say anything to him he just started in on me...now he hasnt talked to her since either and apparently they use to e-mail and text a lot..
This all started with a table conversation and a car ride. After that was the airport....that's when I finally lost it completely and I havnt been the same since. I can still be happy and play around and have fun but then these weird surges happen mainly with certain things..usually involving cars or being at a table eating with people. I feel like it could subconciously be connected to dad but thing is..i am not even thinking about him or what happened when these things happen..it's like he hurt me so bad it's now embedded in my body or sumthin...i don't know how to make the anxiousness he caused me to go away even tho i KNOW he was wrong on everything. I even phoned my grandfather (his dad) crying and he called him a buffoon and said he knew that i didnt visit for money and that i really did love him....but my dad i think totally traumatized my system it almost feels like a form of post traumatic stress....and it makes sense with the table and car...any thoughts?
An important thing to mention might be the fact that I also get this in cars lately too....not driving cause i don't drive..but i think there might be a reason behind both these feelings...in cars and at tables... To get to this i feel i have to explain a lot that leads up to this..because it's to do with something my dad did and the trauma it's been causing me since he did it a little over a month ago....
The end of august my dad who is 45 this year (i'm 25) who was estranged from me most of my life....flipped out on me. This is a man who lied to me about having cancer, didn't pay child support hardly even tho it was only 100 a month....after i started working he took my mom to court to try and get out of paying the arrears in child support he owed in back payments, he was never there for me...when i was in second grade he use to threaten to take me away after school so my teacher would have to wait with me till my grandpa got there to pick me up....he left my mom during christmas when i was about to turn 2...never made much effort with me my whole life.
So back in 2006...I decided to give him a second chance to try and rebuild something...he kept bugging me for it. When he came into my life he told me i had a little sister...who I found on myspace with the info he gave me (he didnt stick with her mother either and she and her parents moved..then her parents adopted my sister so she grew up living with her grandparents like i did tho mine didnt adopt me i lived with them and my mom)..so anyhow she came down for a visit in 2007 and he was so busy with his new girlfriend he didnt spend as much time as he should have with her even tho he paid for her to come visit. she stayed with me and my boyfriend.
Fast foreward to this summer...she comes for a visit again...this time is staying with him and his girlfriend and our two new baby brothers (twins)just born end of july. Dad took me and my boyfriend and sister on a road trip..during this roadtrip my sister told me our dad had said to her that he felt i only went to go see my grandfather (his dad) only to get money out of him. Now anyone who knows me knows I don't care in the least about money but my grandfather is a prospector who had found uranium and had made a good amount of money out of this...he likes to give his money away especially to his grand kids...i was ALWAYS bashful about taking it and many times told him he didnt need to do it...my dad told me later in the car to just accept it cause its what grandpa likes to do with it.
This exact same kind of incident happened with my sister too but conveniently my dad doesnt remember all the times i was bashful about this...because when i asked him about what he told my sister he said "its true you have no problem taking that money" and la de da...then starts going on about how horrible a daughter i am...he tried to say my anxiety only acts up when someone knows me too well...funny coming from a father who doesnt know me at all...he pulled so many lies out of his butt i think he literally is delusional....the thing is ...i found this out during our 3 day trip and we argued in the car on the way home...he wouldnt listen to me trying to talk calm he kept interrupting me and at one point stopped the car turned around and was screaming in my face in front of my sister and boyfriend...he made up lies that i know for a fact are wrong about my moms side of the family and my grandparents on my moms side....it was one thing after another......so this is why i feel like cars bother me now....but it all started that day when we were sitting at the breakfast table at the bed and breakfast we stayed at....he started in on me and even got upset with me because i wanted to visit my aunts grave who i never got to her funeral a year and a half before....it took all of 5 minutes and he made me feel like complete and utter crap for caring about my aunt (my grandmas sister in law). I know I really didn't need to go into all this detail but in a way i feel it might give you a better idea of the stuff that upset me and how it was at the table where the owners of the place could hear and in the car. Mind you everyone thinks he's wrong...everyone is mad at him aside from his girlfriend who thinks he's a god. He mouthed off at me when i went to the airport to see my sister off back to ontario and drove me away which caused her to get mad at him cause i didnt say anything to him he just started in on me...now he hasnt talked to her since either and apparently they use to e-mail and text a lot..
This all started with a table conversation and a car ride. After that was the airport....that's when I finally lost it completely and I havnt been the same since. I can still be happy and play around and have fun but then these weird surges happen mainly with certain things..usually involving cars or being at a table eating with people. I feel like it could subconciously be connected to dad but thing is..i am not even thinking about him or what happened when these things happen..it's like he hurt me so bad it's now embedded in my body or sumthin...i don't know how to make the anxiousness he caused me to go away even tho i KNOW he was wrong on everything. I even phoned my grandfather (his dad) crying and he called him a buffoon and said he knew that i didnt visit for money and that i really did love him....but my dad i think totally traumatized my system it almost feels like a form of post traumatic stress....and it makes sense with the table and car...any thoughts?
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Guest
You know, your theory about PTSD isn't that far off the mark if I'm getting all the facts correctly here. Your Dad belittled and yelled at you at a place where warmth and comfort can be associated, at a meal with family and/or friends. He also berated you in a car. So, yes, I think you would be correct in associating your fear and anxiety to certain places and events. I have generalized anxiety so I'm anxious about a lot of stuff, but you could very well have anxiety directly correlated to these events.
I don't like to say this, but you need to recover right now, so I'd steer clear of your Dad and rely on the family and friends who are around you right now, that love and are concerned about you, to lean on. And most importantly, dig it deep from within yourself that you're not gonna let him hurt you anymore and you are going to be the one to really make yourself better. You can do it. Good luck and take care!
I don't like to say this, but you need to recover right now, so I'd steer clear of your Dad and rely on the family and friends who are around you right now, that love and are concerned about you, to lean on. And most importantly, dig it deep from within yourself that you're not gonna let him hurt you anymore and you are going to be the one to really make yourself better. You can do it. Good luck and take care!
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Carolyn Dickman
- Posts: 264
- Joined: Tue Jun 28, 2005 3:00 am
yes I totally agree...I cut him out of my life after that..which hurt more so cause i have two brand new twin brothers....but i blocked him on my facebook and he wrote a e-mail to both me and my sister....he finally talked to her again just last week to tell her to tell me an aunt that i don't know died etc tried telling her he's been trying to contact me over e-mail and he hasnt..saying i wasnt replying....when my sister found out that wasnt true she went "i'd say something about him but it would just be mean" I had him blocked since maybe a day or two after the incident at the airport with my boyfriend and sister when he talked down to me for the last time. But the anxiety of the fact I ever let him into my life to hurt me like that i guess is what gets me most...my whole life i felt like my father didnt love me...now i know he doesnt...because a father who loves his child could never say the things he said to me...things that were completely untrue...either misconstrued or completely made up...the misconstrued he wouldnt listen to me when i'd try to explain it. Most of it was made up stuff and coming down on me for visiting a relatives grave....this man...if you can call him that...never loved me...im sure of it. but you know what? i have a lot of people around me who do...so conciously it doesn't bother me..subconciously something about it bothers me obviously....i guess it just hurts that after all these years...since i was 16 he bugged me to let him back in then when i was about 23 i allowed him back in....i hadnt before cause of his track record. And after ALL that time..to turn around and do that...i guess made me feel like i was the one not worth being around....
But everyone is seriously beginning to wonder if he is actually delusional. When I walked away from him at the airport when i started to cry my boyfriend was a little ways behind me at first and he said dad said "when are we going to chat again?" i said "you sure he wasnt being sarcastic?" he said "no he sounded serious"...then he tells my sister how he "hasnt heard from" me and how i havnt been answering e-mails...and of course before that how he totally forgot the fact that i dont like to accept money from my grandfather like my sister doesnt...i couldnt believe he couldnt remember that then totally made up "you have no problem taking that money" and saying i didnt ever say to my grandfather "no really you dont need to do that" and he himself saying to just take it cause thats what grandpa likes to do with it....he doesnt remember any of it..either that or he knows he's lying...but everyone seriously wonders if he IS actually mentally ill...i'm beginning to wonder because it boggles my mind. As for my anxiety it seems it's gone down a bit since i realized my theory...so i wonder
But everyone is seriously beginning to wonder if he is actually delusional. When I walked away from him at the airport when i started to cry my boyfriend was a little ways behind me at first and he said dad said "when are we going to chat again?" i said "you sure he wasnt being sarcastic?" he said "no he sounded serious"...then he tells my sister how he "hasnt heard from" me and how i havnt been answering e-mails...and of course before that how he totally forgot the fact that i dont like to accept money from my grandfather like my sister doesnt...i couldnt believe he couldnt remember that then totally made up "you have no problem taking that money" and saying i didnt ever say to my grandfather "no really you dont need to do that" and he himself saying to just take it cause thats what grandpa likes to do with it....he doesnt remember any of it..either that or he knows he's lying...but everyone seriously wonders if he IS actually mentally ill...i'm beginning to wonder because it boggles my mind. As for my anxiety it seems it's gone down a bit since i realized my theory...so i wonder