Odd Fears

Juno · Post by **Juno** » Sat Feb 28, 2009 4:37 am

Hi everyone. It seems that most people with anxiety fear death or illness or some sort of catastophe like a plane crash. My fears are so different. Because of this I didn't realize I had anxiety disorder. In fact, my worst fear is being cheated on. Is this odd? Am I alone on this?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Feb 28, 2009 5:02 am

Hi:
No, you are not alone in this.
I am not afraid of death, or plane rides,
or train trips, etc. I'm not afraid of diseases, or surgeries. Or anything of that nature.
But like you, I am afraid of what people can do to me. Of being betrayed. Or being deserted by those I love or count on.
Yes, that is part of anxiety and depression.

It is one of my main symtoms.
Some would say it is paranoia. And maybe it is.
But it is kind of different for the most part, I think.
It is kind of like a fear of abandonment.

You've come to the right place.
Best wishes.
Mary Jane

Holly J · Post by **Holly J** » Sat Feb 28, 2009 7:56 am

You are so not alone in this. I struggle with the notion of my long term boyfriend cheating on me as well. I don't think he ever has, but I know he "sowed his outs" during a time we were broken up. Many of those ladies are still in his life now - both as friends and some attempting to have him back in their lives romantically. Yes, I've either witnessed the exchange or he told me about it. I think it says a lot that he told me about it.

I find myself obsessively thinking about it at times. I know that I have to find a way to end these thoughts because, otherwise, it will destroy a relationship that is so very important to me.

I also often feel very guilty for these thoughts because he does so much for me. It's been tough to reconcile all of those emotions.

I wish you both luck in stopping the obsessive nature of the thoughts, while gaining the trust in yourself to know what is true and what isn't.

I have chosen to make this a major goal because I don't want to lose my best friend again.

Best of luck, and I'd love to hear any success stories that you have with it as well!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Feb 28, 2009 9:37 am

Hey guys not sure if this is going to help any but I have a little story that came up when I read this.
I am like you guys when it comes to the cheating issue. One day I asked my husband why he never gets jealous or doesnt get upset when I get hit on or someone talks to me. I mean he NEVER gets jelous. Before we were together he was in a long term relationship where the person cheated resulting in divorce so I figured him out of all people should understand why I can act the way I do.
Back to the qustion I asked him. He said why should I spend soooooo much time constantly worrying about where you are? if you would? who you are talking to? ect..... when that will change nothing in the end. He said if it is in you to cheat on me you will whether I think these things or not. So why should I waste my time worrying about it. He said I am with you because I trust that you wont. Even if that person is hitting on you doesnt mean you will respond. Then he went on to tell me that in his previous relationship we was much more jealous and worried a lot and that it obviously didnt change the outcome so he told himself he wouldnt do it again.
I just thought that may help a little to hear it. I can really relate to you guys but I also agree with his philosophy on this. We spend so much time worrying over this for nothing. And all we have done is make the outcome of a situation so much more stressful to reach. I guess my point og the story is the outcome will always be the same worrying does nothing to change it. I know this is much easier said than done but good luck!!!! It gets easier.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Feb 28, 2009 9:53 am

Hi There all:
I guess I should state that my fear of abandonment is not connected to a marriage relationship necessarily. I am not married now, being a widow.
My fears of betrayal and loss concern other loved ones.
This problem is much less now than it used to be.
I am more at peace now.
But I certainly do know what you all mean and where you are coming from.
If I were younger and in a relationship it would be like you say. Probably.
So I do understand. i've been there.
Best wishes to you all.
Mary Jane

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Feb 28, 2009 12:14 pm

Hello Everybody,

Hopefully someone can help, My fear is about going crazy, but I find myself evaluating my every thought and emotion. My greatest fear is of schizophrenia. Everything I think, do, or say I reflect on, and I think to myself, Oh my Gosh what if I didn't feel like that or whatever if I were a different person and I didn't really feel like that. Then I think that if I keep dwelling on how people with mental illnesses think, that I will eventually have the mental illness - After these thoughts I'm usually a nervous mess. This is all just the anxiety right?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Mar 01, 2009 5:47 pm

Naustin, thank you so much for sharing. That's the attitude I definitely want to move to.

ctr, that IS probably your anxiety talking. I'm not an expert, but I've never heard of anxiety causing schizophrenia. I think it can lead to serious depression and I think depression can lead to anxiety. But I don't believe it will cause something like schizophrenia out of the blue.

Your own obsessive thoughts and fears are probably creating this internal strife for you. Now, with that being said, there is one surefire way to put these fears about mental illness to bed. Talk to your doctor about them. If you don't have a doctor that you can trust, find one.

I was diagnosed with bipolar II six years ago. At the time, I felt like I was going crazy because I had slept for 3 hours a night for almost 6 weeks but wasn't tired! That's when I decided I needed to talk to someone. Over the years, I have learned to manage my mild case of bipolar pretty well.

For me, it was a depressive episode that lead to the increased anxiety. Due to job and medical insurance loss, I went off of all meds and my talk therapy at a time when I needed that most. This led to a spiral that created my anxiety. I share this with you because the bipolar was always there. The anxiety did not create it.

There is help for your anxiety. Keep working on it, and do what is right for you to get the assurance you need about mental illness. Anxiety has a sneaky way of making us doubt the core beliefs we have about ourselves ... it depletes our confidence in who we are. But the good news is that we can take control of it rather than letting it control us!

You're smart to seek the help and support you need to figure this out ... that doesn't sound crazy to me at all! That sounds like you're taking a critical step to gain your self back!

Best wishes to you!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Mar 02, 2009 8:05 am

Thanks for all the support! It certainly helps. I have not received my cds from the program yet because there was a mix up--they sent me tapes instead. So I have not started the program yet. And I do have to say it seems IMPOSSIBLE that I will actually get rid of these symptoms--fear of being cheated on and fear of surgery--but I will try my best. Thanks again.

hopehound · Post by **hopehound** » Mon Mar 02, 2009 8:18 am

ctr - This is just your anxiety talking. Totally bogus. You are not schizophrenic nor will you become this. It's just your scary ocd talking. Remind yourself of that whenever you need. Tell it: "I see what you are doing and I don't have to follow." In other words, don't even talk to that scare voice. Just dismiss it. The thoughts keep coming back because you are resisting them. Allow them to come and go (like a passing cloud). They won't hurt you.