My skills are being tested...
I am currently on week 10 of the program and almost 4 months off Celexa. I thought that I was doing well, and I am except for one thing...dreaded IBS. It started off with stress building up and in early November, I had an anxiety attack. I don't get intense panic attacks, but instead I get anxiety attacks that last for days or weeks. It was really rough and I almost went back on my meds (which I had done every other time I tried to go off them and then had a setback), but I listened to these tapes a lot (almost obsessively, but it worked), did the relaxation, did a lot of walking, and got through it. Shortly after that, I got that nasty stomach bug that was going around and developed a case of gastritis (inflammation of the stomach lining). Although the anxiety that I had been experiencing seemed to be gone, my health was not getting any better and I really started to worry about what was wrong with me. I think it was a vicious cycle: the stress and anxiety wore my immune system down, I got sick, and then the stress of not getting better made me more stressed, which made me feel more sick. So, fast forward to now...I have been trying hard to relax and not worry. Replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, doing my relaxation tape every morning, doing an IBS-specific hypnotherapy tape every night before bed, no caffeine, exercising, etc. After two months, I expected my health issues to be gone, but they are not. I'm definitely better since the pain from the gastritis is gone, but having symptoms that I can only relate to IBS (my GI doc thought that, in addition to the gastritis, I had a case of "post viral IBS"). As much as I try to relax and not think about it, it is so difficult. I made an appointment tomorrow with a friend who is an acupuncturist. I figured that it can't hurt and if it helps, that is great. I have been toying with the idea of going back on the Celexa, as I think it will put an end to this. I'm really stubborn, though, and I hate the fact that I have worked so hard to get through this and get over this condition and then have to go back on the med anyway (I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with meds, Celexa was a life saver for me, but I don't feel like I "need" it anymore. I feel like these tapes have finally been the answer that I was looking for and that I will be able to be cured, it is just living with the body symptoms or IBS or whatever is going on with me that is driving me crazy). So, I'm trying to hold off on any decision about the meds at least until I have my first acupuncture session tomorrow. The thing that I need help on is this: Next weekend I am supposed to go on a ski weekend with friends. We go up every year and it is a lot of fun. I'm just concerned about going in case I don't feel well when I am there...and am 3.5 hours from my house. I know that you are supposed to force yourself to do things and I really do want to go, but I'm wondering if worrying about how I am going to feel once I get there is playing a part in my recent turn for the worse health-wise. Should I just skip it this year and concentrate on getting better (in case this is adding to some kind of subconscious anxiety that is making my stomach all off) or should I force myself to go? Sorry for the length of the post, but I figured some background is necessary. I feel like I am making so many strides forward, but this whole health thing is so incredibly frustrating and I'm not sure if I am strong enough to wait it out...or just go back on meds and get my life back...
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Guest
Congrats on being 10 weeks into the program and being off your meds. You are doing great and have made great strides. I remember at one point in the program telling my personal coach that I feel like the depression had lifted but I was much more anxious. She said that's normal because your body will add depression as a way to copy with the anxiety...stuff and suppress. So when I was able to relieve the depression, I was feeling the anxiety. This may be what your experiencing and then your focusing on the areas of what wrong or missing, increasing the symptons. I think you are doing all the right things, walking, exercising, CD's. Keep up the good work and focus on how far you've come.
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Guest
Sheils75,
Hugs to you! BREATHE.
Put up that "stop" sign"
and yes, smile -it can actually help you to make good decisions.
Try this:
First, gently read over your post and count all the negatives.
Second, go back to tape #8 and listen very carefully from the first few sentences - vital- and start to answer some of your own concerns.
Third, go back to tape #3 and give yourself a hug!!!
Then, stop using terms like "force yourself" and try replacing that with ----
"facing my fears so that I can begin to overcome them". Sounds a bit less stressful, right? Each step is a move in a positive direction, NOT a shove.
You ARE making many strides forward, dwell on those instead. Go over a verbal list every day just to remind yourself of how far you've come. It's so empowering to do this.
Congratulate yourself so much that anyone looking at you will see that radiant beam of self accomplishment and -
either wonder what's making you glow or if 
, yeah, you get it.
Keep your sense of humor at all times!!!!!
Go easy on you!!!
Hugs to you again. You'll do well and make a good decision and we'll be waiting to hear about your ski trip.
Hugs to you! BREATHE.
Put up that "stop" sign"
and yes, smile -it can actually help you to make good decisions.Try this:
First, gently read over your post and count all the negatives.
Second, go back to tape #8 and listen very carefully from the first few sentences - vital- and start to answer some of your own concerns.
Third, go back to tape #3 and give yourself a hug!!!
Then, stop using terms like "force yourself" and try replacing that with ----
"facing my fears so that I can begin to overcome them". Sounds a bit less stressful, right? Each step is a move in a positive direction, NOT a shove.
You ARE making many strides forward, dwell on those instead. Go over a verbal list every day just to remind yourself of how far you've come. It's so empowering to do this.
Congratulate yourself so much that anyone looking at you will see that radiant beam of self accomplishment and -
either wonder what's making you glow or if , yeah, you get it.Keep your sense of humor at all times!!!!!
Go easy on you!!!
Hugs to you again. You'll do well and make a good decision and we'll be waiting to hear about your ski trip.
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monty'smom
- Posts: 151
- Joined: Thu Sep 04, 2008 3:14 pm
sheils75
Even though it's been almost 2 years since I went off my antidepressant, I remember going thru what you are. Maybe a little different, but in some of my old posts, I talk about the emotional dependency I was getting with paxil. And let me tell you, whenever I am not feeling 100%, (and who really does all the time??!!) I can get doubtful, worried ...etc. Yes, you do have to go over those skills you learned from the program over and over again and mostly, flow with all those feelings. Just let them go. Remember, even if you taper off a antidepressant the right way, I personally think that you will have heightened anxiety on and off for a while. I know I did. Some of it is 'real' and some, at least for me, was because I knew I was off my antidepressant. Try to really push through all this. And, reading your post, I think your having anticipatory anxiety and maybe holding on to the thoughts and worries of not feeling good b/c of your upcoming trip. I don't know if you are aware of that or not. I do that so much. Ask yourself "what is bothering me, really..." Sometimes, as you know, it's not what we think, it's deeper.....Trust me, you will start to feel better, you are fine and I think if you push through this and allow it, you can do it. Good Luck.
Even though it's been almost 2 years since I went off my antidepressant, I remember going thru what you are. Maybe a little different, but in some of my old posts, I talk about the emotional dependency I was getting with paxil. And let me tell you, whenever I am not feeling 100%, (and who really does all the time??!!) I can get doubtful, worried ...etc. Yes, you do have to go over those skills you learned from the program over and over again and mostly, flow with all those feelings. Just let them go. Remember, even if you taper off a antidepressant the right way, I personally think that you will have heightened anxiety on and off for a while. I know I did. Some of it is 'real' and some, at least for me, was because I knew I was off my antidepressant. Try to really push through all this. And, reading your post, I think your having anticipatory anxiety and maybe holding on to the thoughts and worries of not feeling good b/c of your upcoming trip. I don't know if you are aware of that or not. I do that so much. Ask yourself "what is bothering me, really..." Sometimes, as you know, it's not what we think, it's deeper.....Trust me, you will start to feel better, you are fine and I think if you push through this and allow it, you can do it. Good Luck.
ANGELS CAN FLY BECAUSE THEY TAKE THEMSELVES LIGHTLY