Hello All,
I hope everyone is having a nice, panic free, depressed free day. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you who happen to be a victim of these conditions just as I am.
I was faced with an incident today and I am having one of those "Why didn't I stand up for myself?" moments. Here is the situation and please, any comments or suggestions are more than welcome.
I went to the doctor today but it wasn't my regular doctor there - it was his partner. My gut told me to wait until tomorrow until my reg. doctor is in but i didnt want to go another day without any medicine because i have a really bad cough and was afraid it could turn into something worse.
So I go in and he starts by asking me routine questions. Then he asks me what medication i am on so that the antibiotic he may give me doesn't counteract with my meds. So I sat up straight and said, "I am taking zoloft, lamictal, and as of a few days ago I no longer have to take klonopin."
Without even looking at me he says, "Ok...still taking the crazy pills."
My jaw dropped.
I could not believe a DOCTOR would say such a thing, let alone how insensitive his comment was!! I don't know if I was scared to say something or if I was just in shock, but I didnt defend myself. Before I could utter another word, he asks the dosage of each medication.
So the minute I said 250mg of zoloft a day, his eyes got so big i thought they were going to pop out of his head and he says "WOW! 250? two - five - zero? That's a very large dose. you must have lost it."
Speechless, yet again, I sat up straight, again, and said "Well DOCTOR, I was suicidal, clinically depressed and suffering from severe anxiety all at the same time from the months of september thru january, so yes, to some, I may have "lost it."
But this comment wasn't enough for me. As soon as I got home I was regretting not saying more. Should I go back tomorrow, when my reg. doctor is in and make a complaint? What would you do?
"Your doctor said WHAT?!"
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Guest
Wow. Just wow. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.
That is why I have had so many problems with dentists, a few of them made comments about my teeth. Heck, they are making money off me, what do they care?
I think you should write a letter, and tell him that even though you knew he was joking, your feelings were hurt that he was making light of your situation.
It is too bad that you didn't have a good comeback about his baldness or weight (or whatever imperfection was seen - maybe just his manners!!), that would have been gold!
That is why I have had so many problems with dentists, a few of them made comments about my teeth. Heck, they are making money off me, what do they care?
I think you should write a letter, and tell him that even though you knew he was joking, your feelings were hurt that he was making light of your situation.
It is too bad that you didn't have a good comeback about his baldness or weight (or whatever imperfection was seen - maybe just his manners!!), that would have been gold!
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Guest
Goober,
Great story,it just shows how ignorant people can be,even doctors.I wouldn't have said anything either a person that ignorant is going to have to learn on their own.I have to tell you the truth, when I was reading the story it brought a smile and a laugh at each poor comment made by the doc,because it's almost like it's unbelievable.Like a joke my friend sends me E-mails all of the time.I might have laughed right back at the doc
Great story,it just shows how ignorant people can be,even doctors.I wouldn't have said anything either a person that ignorant is going to have to learn on their own.I have to tell you the truth, when I was reading the story it brought a smile and a laugh at each poor comment made by the doc,because it's almost like it's unbelievable.Like a joke my friend sends me E-mails all of the time.I might have laughed right back at the doc
Hi Goober25--
I was once treated poorly by a doctor, for a different thing, but I asked to see the Patient Care Representative or whatever they call the customer service person. I ended up not paying for that visit because the MD was so crappy.
Plus, if you have a good relationship with your MD, I maybe would talk to him/her. The whole clinic gets a bad name when there is such poor service and he/she has a stake in that too.
I was once treated poorly by a doctor, for a different thing, but I asked to see the Patient Care Representative or whatever they call the customer service person. I ended up not paying for that visit because the MD was so crappy.
Plus, if you have a good relationship with your MD, I maybe would talk to him/her. The whole clinic gets a bad name when there is such poor service and he/she has a stake in that too.
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Guest
Cherie Carter-Scott,
That's the thing that irks me...he didn't even say it in a joking matter. He didn't even crack a smirk. But thanks for your advice! I am going to be more assertive about this incident tomorrow!
Sit-n-Spin,
I would have laughed had I not been so appalled. Now that I read your post back to me I can laugh about it, but at the time I was hurt! But thank you for shedding light on the situation!
newrunner,
thank you for your advice. and as the nurse was getting ready to ask me for my co-pay, I just walked out. I refused to pay for that appointment. I will go back tomorrow and talk with the main physician.
That's the thing that irks me...he didn't even say it in a joking matter. He didn't even crack a smirk. But thanks for your advice! I am going to be more assertive about this incident tomorrow!
Sit-n-Spin,
I would have laughed had I not been so appalled. Now that I read your post back to me I can laugh about it, but at the time I was hurt! But thank you for shedding light on the situation!
newrunner,
thank you for your advice. and as the nurse was getting ready to ask me for my co-pay, I just walked out. I refused to pay for that appointment. I will go back tomorrow and talk with the main physician.
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Guest
Cherie Carter-Scott,
That's the thing that irks me...he didn't even say it in a joking matter. He didn't even crack a smirk. But thanks for your advice! I am going to be more assertive about this incident tomorrow!
I'm Shifrah, tee hee.
I think another way to look at it is working on underreacting to that kind of stuff too.
Because whether it's a friend, doctor, family member or stranger, somebody is always going to say something inappropriate to someone.
It's the way we react to that stuff that matters the most. As wrong as it was for him to do that!
I still think writing a letter would be appropriate though because he obviously shouldn't be talking to his patients in that manner.
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Guest
I say to definitely write a letter. I have found that my anxiety decreases when I stand up for myself when it is necessary. At the same time, all of us get shocked at times and can't react right when the situation occurs. If we are at a doctor's office because we don't feel well, that makes it even harder for us to be assertive. That's why a letter after the fact is a good idea when that happens. My son has severe autism, and I have recently been battling the school system to get him needed services. Three years ago, I was too anxious to stand up for him, but now, I have written so many letters, and I am making progress getting him what he needs. When I write those letters, I don't say, "You hurt my feelings", I say, "That conduct is inappropriate because the law says ...." I think it should be the same way for you. Doctors have a code of ethics that they must follow, and I think you should point out that this doctors comments could even be seen as emotionally abusive and unethical because he was making fun of time in your life when you could have died. Look into the law and see what guidelines are there for that type of behavior. At the very least, you are a consumer who can take your business elsewhere, tell your insurance company about the incident, etc. You have rights.
I agree with Shif. in a way. However, I have a different spin on it, or perhaps we see it the same way using different words. This doctor really has a problem, and it's not your fault in anyway that he acted this way. Don't take it personally that he has such a problem. I'm not sure what his problem is, but it could be anything. He could be on street drugs himself for all we know. What if he's been told that he has issues and he's not strong enough like you are to seek help so he's putting you down for doing what he's not able to do? There are so many options for why he was so cruel and cold, and it's not your fault. Stand up for yourself because it's important for you to set a boundary with others that you will not let them mistreat you. Try not to think,"If only I didn't have anxiety, that doctor wouldn't have said all that to me." This isn't your fault. Mean people act mean when they get the opportunity, and then it is up to others to point out that they are being rude and teach them that it is not acceptable.
So, on the whole, I don't necessarily under react to people when they are mistreating me now, but I do tend less to blame myself, and I am not shocked by it because like Shif. is saying, people do act this way all of the time because of their own problems and not because it's our fault. It is a big deal when someone acts as cruel as this person did to you, and they need to learn a lesson. We are doing them a disservice when we don't tell them the truth because they won't have the opportunity to learn. At the same time, I just deal with it right away as soon as possible so that it doesn't fester and so that I don't fall into the trap of beating myself up later for not being assertive. That causes an "under reaction" in that the problem is dealt with so it doesn't fester. It may mean saying something right then or writing a letter later or both.
Do I ever get it wrong? Yes. Having a child with severe autism out in public means that I get a lot of stares and comments. Some people mean well, and some don't, etc. I try to use judgment. My son frequently kicks of his shoes, and my husband often puts my son on his shoulders to keep my son from running away. One day at Walmart a lady walked by and said, "His feet are cold" referring to my son. I was immediately angered. I thought she was making a judgmental comment about my son not having on his shoes. He kicks off his shoes because it is a sensory issue related to his autism so it is hard to deal with, and not a sign that we don't take care of him or that we haven't tried a variety of techniques. I quickly responded that he had autism, but she kept walking. It had been a long week of fighting the school system, and I was in a "over reacting" period. She was still in the store, and I decided to approach her to explain once more. I waited till it was appropriate, and I was filled with some adrenaline, and I explained to her about my son. It turned out that she was an extremely sweet woman who thought that I was a stranger that was staring at my son, and she was defending that he was up on my husband's shoulders because his feet were probably cold so that I would quit staring:). I immediately burst out laughing at how angry I had been, and she gave me a pat on the back and wanted to meet my son, etc. So, even though I misjudged her comment, it was still good that I approached her in an assertive way because if I hadn't, I would probably still be mad at a very sweet woman. So, I think it is very important to stand up for ourselves, and the more we do it and become good at it, the more problems are resolved right away, the more we don't take it personally, and we have confidence that we can protect ourselves.
Take care,
luvpiggy
I agree with Shif. in a way. However, I have a different spin on it, or perhaps we see it the same way using different words. This doctor really has a problem, and it's not your fault in anyway that he acted this way. Don't take it personally that he has such a problem. I'm not sure what his problem is, but it could be anything. He could be on street drugs himself for all we know. What if he's been told that he has issues and he's not strong enough like you are to seek help so he's putting you down for doing what he's not able to do? There are so many options for why he was so cruel and cold, and it's not your fault. Stand up for yourself because it's important for you to set a boundary with others that you will not let them mistreat you. Try not to think,"If only I didn't have anxiety, that doctor wouldn't have said all that to me." This isn't your fault. Mean people act mean when they get the opportunity, and then it is up to others to point out that they are being rude and teach them that it is not acceptable.
So, on the whole, I don't necessarily under react to people when they are mistreating me now, but I do tend less to blame myself, and I am not shocked by it because like Shif. is saying, people do act this way all of the time because of their own problems and not because it's our fault. It is a big deal when someone acts as cruel as this person did to you, and they need to learn a lesson. We are doing them a disservice when we don't tell them the truth because they won't have the opportunity to learn. At the same time, I just deal with it right away as soon as possible so that it doesn't fester and so that I don't fall into the trap of beating myself up later for not being assertive. That causes an "under reaction" in that the problem is dealt with so it doesn't fester. It may mean saying something right then or writing a letter later or both.
Do I ever get it wrong? Yes. Having a child with severe autism out in public means that I get a lot of stares and comments. Some people mean well, and some don't, etc. I try to use judgment. My son frequently kicks of his shoes, and my husband often puts my son on his shoulders to keep my son from running away. One day at Walmart a lady walked by and said, "His feet are cold" referring to my son. I was immediately angered. I thought she was making a judgmental comment about my son not having on his shoes. He kicks off his shoes because it is a sensory issue related to his autism so it is hard to deal with, and not a sign that we don't take care of him or that we haven't tried a variety of techniques. I quickly responded that he had autism, but she kept walking. It had been a long week of fighting the school system, and I was in a "over reacting" period. She was still in the store, and I decided to approach her to explain once more. I waited till it was appropriate, and I was filled with some adrenaline, and I explained to her about my son. It turned out that she was an extremely sweet woman who thought that I was a stranger that was staring at my son, and she was defending that he was up on my husband's shoulders because his feet were probably cold so that I would quit staring:). I immediately burst out laughing at how angry I had been, and she gave me a pat on the back and wanted to meet my son, etc. So, even though I misjudged her comment, it was still good that I approached her in an assertive way because if I hadn't, I would probably still be mad at a very sweet woman. So, I think it is very important to stand up for ourselves, and the more we do it and become good at it, the more problems are resolved right away, the more we don't take it personally, and we have confidence that we can protect ourselves.
Take care,
luvpiggy
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Guest
well i would say something and in the past i would just let it slid, come on now that was rude and i would complain, i'm so sorry you had to go thru that. I hope you say something to your regular doctor and get an appology, that doctor cannot say things like that to people..-
Guest