I'm so frustrated today! I thought I'd been making some really good progress. I went on a 100 mile rond trip last week...true, I had some panic, but I still did it. I also have been to Wal-Mart 3 times in the last week which is the first time in almost four months I've been able to do that. Now, I haven't been anywhere this week, but that's mostly because I just started the new job. All in all, I thought I was doing better. But, apparently my family thinks differently. My mom and sister have both been through the program and did really well, really quickly. I guess they think I should be better than I am by now.
What I don't understand is that they've been through the program and should know that everyone doesn't move at the same pace and everyone doesn't get well as fast as others. Why don't they get that it's going to take me longer than it took them?? They all know that I'm a much more cerebral person than they are and my thinking processes on everything are very involved. Don't they get that people like me aren't equiped with a switch that turns the panic on and off??
I can't win with them. I feel like no matter what I do it's not enough. They all want me to be completely well RIGHT NOW and that's not happening. Why can't they just be happy that I'm better than I was??? I'm discouraged, frustrated and I'm starting to get pissed off!!
Any ideas on what to say? How to deal with family that is supportive, but doesn't totally understand? And, please, save the effort if all you're going to do is bash my family please. They're not mean people, they just don't understand me. Family bashers will be deleted, so don't even bother...GOT IT?
How do you get them to understand...
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Guest
My family don't understand at all. They Don't have any anxiety issues and therefore have no idea. I think - and I had to be told this myself- Forget about what they say or think. Tell them less. Be more concerned about what you think . Be proud of yourself for every acomplishment you make big or small. Let them be an inspiration for you to want to get better , or to push yourself a little bit harder , but that is it. You are in this fight for you. The more you try to rush it , the longer it may take. I try to do one thing everyday that scares me , and slowly the list is getting smaller. I wish you the best !!!
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Guest
Don't worry Jason I will not bash your family. 
Tell them that there's this chick named Shifrah on the message board who went through the program twice and still had some major panic when going through jury duty.
Since I don't consider myself a total agoraphobic, I wasn't dealing with fear and anxiety on a daily basis. It was situational, and sometimes I never knew that it was going to happen. I could feel perfectly fine, and go to the movies and all of a sudden feel funny and go into a panic, not fun.
It was when I really started to pay attention and use the tools in the program that I started feeling better.
And even though I can now go to the dentist without anxiety, it's no guarantee that if I go to a different dentist I won't have anxiety. I have to take each situation differently.
I've had some triumphs but I in no way feel "free and clear" for the rest of my life here, it's a day by day, or for me a situation by situation progression.
Even though they are your family, your anxiety is/was not exactly alike, sometimes it's easier to get over constant panic than occasional and situational panic, and maybe that is why.
Also, I wanted to add, that when you are over the anxiety, you sometimes forget how it feels when you are around others who are still dealing with it. I doubt they really believe that you can flip a switch and turn it off, but now that they are free from it, they might not have the same kind of compassion about it for you, just because they forgot what it was like and are now enjoying being free of it.
Maybe they can listen to the partner CD to refresh their memories.
Tell them that there's this chick named Shifrah on the message board who went through the program twice and still had some major panic when going through jury duty.
Since I don't consider myself a total agoraphobic, I wasn't dealing with fear and anxiety on a daily basis. It was situational, and sometimes I never knew that it was going to happen. I could feel perfectly fine, and go to the movies and all of a sudden feel funny and go into a panic, not fun.
It was when I really started to pay attention and use the tools in the program that I started feeling better.
And even though I can now go to the dentist without anxiety, it's no guarantee that if I go to a different dentist I won't have anxiety. I have to take each situation differently.
I've had some triumphs but I in no way feel "free and clear" for the rest of my life here, it's a day by day, or for me a situation by situation progression.
Even though they are your family, your anxiety is/was not exactly alike, sometimes it's easier to get over constant panic than occasional and situational panic, and maybe that is why.
Also, I wanted to add, that when you are over the anxiety, you sometimes forget how it feels when you are around others who are still dealing with it. I doubt they really believe that you can flip a switch and turn it off, but now that they are free from it, they might not have the same kind of compassion about it for you, just because they forgot what it was like and are now enjoying being free of it.
Maybe they can listen to the partner CD to refresh their memories.
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Guest
Dear Jason,
Pls remember something: even though THEY (your family members) were in your life, they did NOT live YOUR LIFE. Therefore, not only are they not you (we're all different & equipped differently), they did not live your experiences. There is a BIG difference b/w the 2.
Everyone's path to recovery will differ in more ways than I can describe. The important thing is you JASON - Jason is taking the journey. It doesn't matter what ROUTE's we all take - as long as we take it + doesn't matter how long it takes - as long as we're taking it.
Continue to do what you're doing ='s growing + learning + changing + evolving + doing the program = ALL THAT IS BEST FOR YOU - not her/he/she/they/them - ONLY YOU. Pls, most importantly, don't compare your progress or recovery to your family members - whenever we do that, we'll always come up short - its like setting ourselves up for disappointment.
When I was initially going through my journey, I too had certain family members that were "nay sayers". Although the circumstance differed fr yours - they sooooooooooo didn't understand "anxiety disorder" + why I was not able to work & heck, when I inititated therapy w/ my former psychiatrist - THAT WAS A DO NOT DISCUSS - HUSH HUSH THINGY. As though there were something to be embarrassed about or something. Oh yes, initially it made me cry & get mad. Not for long though. I wanted to feel better for me - I had no time to waste & focus on that. That is exactly what I did: I focused on me & my recovery, probably for the 1st time in my life: therapy + journaling(lotsss, lol) + research= reading 16+ books on anxiety/depression (making notes like we do in school) + lucinda's program + feeding off the positive vibes of folks on here(this site). YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED? Well, yes I did recover - after having been home for almost 4 yrs + was able to get off all meds + graduate therapy + MOST IMPORTANTLY??? lolo I had a major impact on our family(me & my hubby's family) - in their being able to discuss therapy & anxiety & depression OPENLY.HOw? Through my own journey & success & committment to FEELING BETTER - they themselves were able to see its not HOGWASH so to speak.
So Jason, continue to work on you + feeling better & claiming your own RECOVERY, as I am sure you will - FOCUS ON THAT, not the nay-sayers. Your REWARD that you shall claim, will be YOUR PEACE OF MIND & RECOVERY & EMOTIONAL INDEPENDANCE.
Your friend,
Lenore
Pls remember something: even though THEY (your family members) were in your life, they did NOT live YOUR LIFE. Therefore, not only are they not you (we're all different & equipped differently), they did not live your experiences. There is a BIG difference b/w the 2.
Everyone's path to recovery will differ in more ways than I can describe. The important thing is you JASON - Jason is taking the journey. It doesn't matter what ROUTE's we all take - as long as we take it + doesn't matter how long it takes - as long as we're taking it.
Continue to do what you're doing ='s growing + learning + changing + evolving + doing the program = ALL THAT IS BEST FOR YOU - not her/he/she/they/them - ONLY YOU. Pls, most importantly, don't compare your progress or recovery to your family members - whenever we do that, we'll always come up short - its like setting ourselves up for disappointment.
When I was initially going through my journey, I too had certain family members that were "nay sayers". Although the circumstance differed fr yours - they sooooooooooo didn't understand "anxiety disorder" + why I was not able to work & heck, when I inititated therapy w/ my former psychiatrist - THAT WAS A DO NOT DISCUSS - HUSH HUSH THINGY. As though there were something to be embarrassed about or something. Oh yes, initially it made me cry & get mad. Not for long though. I wanted to feel better for me - I had no time to waste & focus on that. That is exactly what I did: I focused on me & my recovery, probably for the 1st time in my life: therapy + journaling(lotsss, lol) + research= reading 16+ books on anxiety/depression (making notes like we do in school) + lucinda's program + feeding off the positive vibes of folks on here(this site). YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED? Well, yes I did recover - after having been home for almost 4 yrs + was able to get off all meds + graduate therapy + MOST IMPORTANTLY??? lolo I had a major impact on our family(me & my hubby's family) - in their being able to discuss therapy & anxiety & depression OPENLY.HOw? Through my own journey & success & committment to FEELING BETTER - they themselves were able to see its not HOGWASH so to speak.
So Jason, continue to work on you + feeling better & claiming your own RECOVERY, as I am sure you will - FOCUS ON THAT, not the nay-sayers. Your REWARD that you shall claim, will be YOUR PEACE OF MIND & RECOVERY & EMOTIONAL INDEPENDANCE.
Your friend,
Lenore