Anger and stress
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Guest
Hi,
I am a parent of a child with severe autism, but I don't have any experience with the situation you are dealing with. I have been around family members who've had chemical dependency problems, and I've had some training about family dynamics and boundaries. For example, my brother in law became addicted to Robitussin. He also drove around while intoxicated on numerous occassions. My father in law is a prominent pastor, and he just continues to enable my brother in law. At one point, he bought my brother in law a new jeep. Why in God's name would you reward your son who has DUI's and continues to drink with a brand new vehicle? Please don't fall into that trap.
I know you are their mother, and that you love them, and that you are so concerned about their well-being, but the truth of the matter is that you have to set firm boundaries to encourage them to get the help they need. You are giving them a choice. I don't know all of the specifics, but I would imagine that you would give them the opportunity to go into a treatment program and to stop using as a condition for your continued financial support. I would also hope that you would have some conditions regarding employment or going to college or trade school and not just let them be completely financially dependent on you at this age. When you give them those options, it is then their choice. If they are not going to abide by your conditions, no matter how hard it is, you have to let them go because it is their choice.
We often think that "love" means always being nice. However, that's not the case. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do for someone is to cut them off to face the consequences of their own actions. Without those consequences, they will never learn. Pain killers can and do kill, and although you feel like you may be kicking them out on the street and leaving them to their deaths, they could very well die if they remain addicted to pain killers under your roof. I know these are your boys, but they are entering adulthood, and they need to make adult decisions for themselves. My heart does go out to you for this horrible situation though, but please listen to the advice of a good therapist who is well trained in substance abuse matters.
Take care,
luvpiggy
I am a parent of a child with severe autism, but I don't have any experience with the situation you are dealing with. I have been around family members who've had chemical dependency problems, and I've had some training about family dynamics and boundaries. For example, my brother in law became addicted to Robitussin. He also drove around while intoxicated on numerous occassions. My father in law is a prominent pastor, and he just continues to enable my brother in law. At one point, he bought my brother in law a new jeep. Why in God's name would you reward your son who has DUI's and continues to drink with a brand new vehicle? Please don't fall into that trap.
I know you are their mother, and that you love them, and that you are so concerned about their well-being, but the truth of the matter is that you have to set firm boundaries to encourage them to get the help they need. You are giving them a choice. I don't know all of the specifics, but I would imagine that you would give them the opportunity to go into a treatment program and to stop using as a condition for your continued financial support. I would also hope that you would have some conditions regarding employment or going to college or trade school and not just let them be completely financially dependent on you at this age. When you give them those options, it is then their choice. If they are not going to abide by your conditions, no matter how hard it is, you have to let them go because it is their choice.
We often think that "love" means always being nice. However, that's not the case. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do for someone is to cut them off to face the consequences of their own actions. Without those consequences, they will never learn. Pain killers can and do kill, and although you feel like you may be kicking them out on the street and leaving them to their deaths, they could very well die if they remain addicted to pain killers under your roof. I know these are your boys, but they are entering adulthood, and they need to make adult decisions for themselves. My heart does go out to you for this horrible situation though, but please listen to the advice of a good therapist who is well trained in substance abuse matters.
Take care,
luvpiggy
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Guest