Trust Issues, help!

Juno · Post by **Juno** » Fri Mar 27, 2009 9:01 am

This is all a part of anxiety and I know this, yet I can't seem to deal with it. I have the most wonderful boyfriend who really caters to my every whim and even moved from Florida to be with me in NY. He is so devoted entirely and we want to get married in the next few years. But no matter what I tell myself I can't help thinking he might be flirting with another girl or wanting other women. I get such bad panic attacks over this and it doesn't seem to go away. The fear just takes over. It's as if I have no control. I know it won't ruin our relationship. He said he would work through all of it with me, but I hate hurting him when deep down I know he would never hurt me. Help. Any advice? Has anyone dealt with something like this before?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Mar 27, 2009 1:58 pm

Hi Juno, I know exactly how you feel. I struggle with these same thoughts each day. My problem is that since my anxiety and panic has taken over my life, I'm needy, which in turn causes me to be insecure and co-dependent on my fiance. While I know he would never cheat on me or flirt with another girl, I still obsess over it. I adore and love him so much, but I'm constantly wondering why he wants to be with me and not with someone else...someone that's normal and doesn't have all of these issues going on inside their head. I feel like I've let him down since I've been suffering with this anxiety for the last 3 years. I used to be so strong and independent and now I am just of shell of what I once was. There are days when I feel like my fiance deserves someone so much better than me. I can only hope this program can help me get my sense of self worth back.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Mar 27, 2009 3:53 pm

Awww...I know exactly how you feel. I think that all the time. I even ask him why he wants to be with me and not someone else. But when I think about how I would handle if he had anxiety, it would be a silly question to think whether I would rather be with someone else. Of course not!
So we're in the same predicament. I'm sure in time and with learned skills it will be managable. Our partners are understanding and with some efffort lets hope for the best. Thanks for the reply!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Mar 28, 2009 5:08 pm

Have you read The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands? I've been listening to Dr. Laura a lot recently and I think this book could have all the relationship answers we're after.

I'm going to pick it up soon.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Mar 28, 2009 7:17 pm

Juno and Cosmic. I've been on these forums for over two years and I can say that your fears are common amongst us "anxious" folks. I've written a couple of posts that deal with "trust" issues, etc. It most definately part of anxiety which also effects our self esteem and confidence! YES, the program deals with that too. As you grow with your new "coping skills", you will find that the trust issues fade and your knew confidence and self esteem will grow. It takes time! BELIEVE me! The more I learn about myself, the more I realize that it is truly ME doing this to myself. Please understand however, if there are real reason that you're having trust issues, they need to be addressed. but, if your honey is giving you all the reassurance and giving you NO reason to suspect anything else, than it is your insecurities...nothing else. Stick with the program and learn to appreciate YOU! You'll get there, I PROMISE!

Blessings~
Robin

monty'smom · Post by **monty'smom** » Sun Mar 29, 2009 8:49 am

Thanks Robin! It's good to be able to visualize how those horrid thoughts will go away. It's nice to think that once confidence comes and self esteem is restored, the suspicous thoughts will just fade away. My boyfriend will love to hear that too. Thanks again.