I totally understand that this condition is not over and done with in 15 weeks. I understand that it will be an ongoing process and that with time it will get easier. My hurdle right now is that I am having scary thoughts in regards to dying. My father had a scare with cancer last year and yes has survived and doing well. But since then I dwell the thoughts on my family and losing them. Also too which is weird is aging. Since I turned 40 this past year aging has been a scary thought too! I never used to be this way and I am trying not to give it much thought.
My distraction is finances, starting a business.
I know what I am distracting myself over. These thoughts are not actions how do you deal with them? Since I haven't found a comforting replacement they have been hanging around! YUCK
What humour could I use to replace the scary thoughts? Would this explain the uneasiness I feel? Have any of you felt that you are fighting with yourself most of the time? It's a fight on who is going to win the battle to become positive? I appreciate the help.
Denise
finished the program and feeling uneasy
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Guest
Hey Denise, I know exactly what you mean. I am having scary obsessive thoughts that are very difficult to find humor in. But what helped me was chasing the thought down and seeing how irrational they are. Although I still have trouble finding humor to replace them, I always find humor at the power of a thought. Yesterday I had a really rough day. I got to face one of my fears. I have trouble just enjoying my days off or "just being" and doing nothing without having to have distractions, because I generally feel more anxious and tend to obsess when my minds not fixated on something.
Well yesterday I obsessed all day and was anxious all day. I could not stop the scary thoughts. I was full of fear and was an emotional roller coaster. I kept looking at the clock, " when is this going to stop?...how much longer can I take of this?...what if I lose it?...what If I lose the will to fight?...Could I ever consider hurting myself?...Oh my god I would never hurt myself I have a million reasons to live!...am I considering hurting myself?"
By the time the sun went down I began to finally relax. My body had released all the adrenaline I had in my body that I was completely wiped out. I was emotionally and physically drained. But I was ok. My fear was: what would happen If I went a whole day feeling completely anxious and obsessed and couldn't control my anxiety? Well it happened. And I am glad it happened. In the end nothing happened. I didn't go crazy, I am not suicidal, I did not think myself crazy. I didn't have control and I was still fine.
In some ways this was more beneficial to me than if I had a great day because I can diffuse the fear almost completely, because it came true and yet it turned out nothing happened.
At the end of the day although I couldn't find humor to replace some of these thoughts, I replaced them with TRUTH. Then I found humor in the power of a thought. Thoughts had me convinced I was going crazy. Thoughts also helped me jump out of the circular panic I was in. As time passes and you practice more it becomes easier.
It does feel like an ongoing daily battle. But you know what? As frustrating and draining as it may get, isn't better that we are now learning to fight back rather than sitting there anxiously making fear-based decisions knowing in your gut it didn't feel right?
40 is still young! Aging is part of life, if we were immortal we would not know the meaning of being grateful. We would not know the meaning of appreciation. Being grateful for what I have helps keep me in the present moment. Just like the program says, If you are in the past you are feeling guilty, If you are in the future you are worrying.
God Bless,
EddyJ
Well yesterday I obsessed all day and was anxious all day. I could not stop the scary thoughts. I was full of fear and was an emotional roller coaster. I kept looking at the clock, " when is this going to stop?...how much longer can I take of this?...what if I lose it?...what If I lose the will to fight?...Could I ever consider hurting myself?...Oh my god I would never hurt myself I have a million reasons to live!...am I considering hurting myself?"
By the time the sun went down I began to finally relax. My body had released all the adrenaline I had in my body that I was completely wiped out. I was emotionally and physically drained. But I was ok. My fear was: what would happen If I went a whole day feeling completely anxious and obsessed and couldn't control my anxiety? Well it happened. And I am glad it happened. In the end nothing happened. I didn't go crazy, I am not suicidal, I did not think myself crazy. I didn't have control and I was still fine.
In some ways this was more beneficial to me than if I had a great day because I can diffuse the fear almost completely, because it came true and yet it turned out nothing happened.
At the end of the day although I couldn't find humor to replace some of these thoughts, I replaced them with TRUTH. Then I found humor in the power of a thought. Thoughts had me convinced I was going crazy. Thoughts also helped me jump out of the circular panic I was in. As time passes and you practice more it becomes easier.
It does feel like an ongoing daily battle. But you know what? As frustrating and draining as it may get, isn't better that we are now learning to fight back rather than sitting there anxiously making fear-based decisions knowing in your gut it didn't feel right?
40 is still young! Aging is part of life, if we were immortal we would not know the meaning of being grateful. We would not know the meaning of appreciation. Being grateful for what I have helps keep me in the present moment. Just like the program says, If you are in the past you are feeling guilty, If you are in the future you are worrying.
God Bless,
EddyJ
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Guest
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Guest
We are all here for each other. You go through the cds and take home programs and feel comfort but it is nice having this peer support. We are all feeling very similar and come from so many different places. It feels nice that we are here to help one another and have so much love and compassion for strangers
God Bless and Much Love
Eddy J
God Bless and Much Love
Eddy J