Obsessing about losing my boyfriend when everything is going great. help!!!
Hi all, can anyone relate? Been in a serious relationship since August last summer and ever since it started, I just cant seem to enjoy it. Some days ar egreat but then some days my anxiety kicks in and I cant stop obsessing about "what will I do when we break up?! I will be so miserable, I will lose my mind and be so heartbroken." Things are honestly amazing with us but since we have been together, my anxiety as plummeted. I have constane obsessive thoughts about me losing control of my emotions and having to be hospitalized when we break up. My boyfriend knows I have anxiety and can relate but he has no idea how much I stress about losing him, and I dont want to tell him because I dont want to look crazy. My friends tell me that thinking about what will happen when we break up is crazy and not normal...I know that if I can work on building my self esteem, I will feel more secure and won't focus on the future so much. I am 26 and this is the most serious of any intimate relationship I have ever had so I think that has a lot to do with why Im scared too. I just wish I could stop worrying so much about the futire and just enjoy the relationship. I have cried myself to sleep some nights about what I will do when we break up...its that bad. Oh how much i hate it. Can anyone relate?????
Hi Jules and DJ,
I saw when this topic was first posted. I don't know if it makes a difference, but this topic may be better on the OCD forum. I was interested in what other people might say about this problem, and I maybe obsessing a bit myself, and projecting what some might view my remarks as; simply cause I am older person, I am so broken down physically, that some may think; what the heck does he know about what I am going through?
I laugh at myself for thinking these things. Just in case, some might have those feelings, just remember: I wasn't always a sweet lovable, nice man. I well remember when I was in my 20-mid 40's. First of all ladies, I have always been a great dancer. My mom taught me to dance when I was 4 years old. When I was born, my dad used to own a small bar in Puerto Rico. When I was an 18 month toddler, they noticed my natural rhythm and I was probably the poster child or concept for those dancing men that women love to go to bars to see. I know it sounds funny, especially if you saw me today. I know what you’re thinking. What happened? Okay, let me get down to cases, think of worry is a sub-chapter of fear. What is fear? Break it down: <span class="ev_code_RED">FALSE EXPECTATIONS AS REAL</span>
In a broader way, fear is what triggers our fight or flight defense mechanisms. Once you recognize that these are baseless and negative thoughts, it is much easier to go into cruise control, with confidence. What if I told you that these thoughts are also like self fulfilling prophecies? Would that motivate you to find out or follow through exactly what the program guides are? Well start your deep breathing exercise, find the appropriate flash card, and find out how to knock out or float through these negative thoughts. Don't just read the flash card to yourself; read it out loud!
I wrote out a fuller explanation of just how to teach yourself to better retention, of just what your actions should be. Just in case you missed it; here it is:
http://bbs.stresscenter.com/ev...=521103101#521103101
There is nothing wrong with you! You are intelligent and beautiful people. I am sure you understand how these thoughts are making you feel miserable about yourselves, and probably scaring people away from you. Gather yourselves, gain a greater insight into yourselves, and learn to relax and conquer all of your fears and phobias. To go along with a relaxation tape or music, you may want to look into other forms of relaxation; such as, Yoga or Tai Chi. Sorry, I had to remove the link for Tai Chi info.
I am not saying to learn these methods to replace your own religious belief system, but to extract and glean all the benefits to a healthier you. I share these things because I care, about everyone here. We think we are like people at the mercy the elements that we have no control over. We are not shipwrecked and floating and struggling through raging seas, and disasters that are real. But our thoughts make our worries about constant negatives thoughts seem real, but they are not! They are: <span class="ev_code_RED">FALSE EXPECTATIONS AS REAL</span> If anyone would like to talk about it, I am here for you, pm me and we can begin a dialog about it. I am not a therapist, but I think the Lord has been leading me toward a path of becoming a Spiritual Advisor and Healer. I am open to whatever the Lord wants me to do, and it will be all for His praise and glory. For now, just look at me as a loving older brother that you can turn to for advice.
Make a great week! You control your thoughts, so think positively and act it!
I saw when this topic was first posted. I don't know if it makes a difference, but this topic may be better on the OCD forum. I was interested in what other people might say about this problem, and I maybe obsessing a bit myself, and projecting what some might view my remarks as; simply cause I am older person, I am so broken down physically, that some may think; what the heck does he know about what I am going through?
I laugh at myself for thinking these things. Just in case, some might have those feelings, just remember: I wasn't always a sweet lovable, nice man. I well remember when I was in my 20-mid 40's. First of all ladies, I have always been a great dancer. My mom taught me to dance when I was 4 years old. When I was born, my dad used to own a small bar in Puerto Rico. When I was an 18 month toddler, they noticed my natural rhythm and I was probably the poster child or concept for those dancing men that women love to go to bars to see. I know it sounds funny, especially if you saw me today. I know what you’re thinking. What happened? Okay, let me get down to cases, think of worry is a sub-chapter of fear. What is fear? Break it down: <span class="ev_code_RED">FALSE EXPECTATIONS AS REAL</span>
In a broader way, fear is what triggers our fight or flight defense mechanisms. Once you recognize that these are baseless and negative thoughts, it is much easier to go into cruise control, with confidence. What if I told you that these thoughts are also like self fulfilling prophecies? Would that motivate you to find out or follow through exactly what the program guides are? Well start your deep breathing exercise, find the appropriate flash card, and find out how to knock out or float through these negative thoughts. Don't just read the flash card to yourself; read it out loud!
I wrote out a fuller explanation of just how to teach yourself to better retention, of just what your actions should be. Just in case you missed it; here it is:
http://bbs.stresscenter.com/ev...=521103101#521103101
There is nothing wrong with you! You are intelligent and beautiful people. I am sure you understand how these thoughts are making you feel miserable about yourselves, and probably scaring people away from you. Gather yourselves, gain a greater insight into yourselves, and learn to relax and conquer all of your fears and phobias. To go along with a relaxation tape or music, you may want to look into other forms of relaxation; such as, Yoga or Tai Chi. Sorry, I had to remove the link for Tai Chi info.
I am not saying to learn these methods to replace your own religious belief system, but to extract and glean all the benefits to a healthier you. I share these things because I care, about everyone here. We think we are like people at the mercy the elements that we have no control over. We are not shipwrecked and floating and struggling through raging seas, and disasters that are real. But our thoughts make our worries about constant negatives thoughts seem real, but they are not! They are: <span class="ev_code_RED">FALSE EXPECTATIONS AS REAL</span> If anyone would like to talk about it, I am here for you, pm me and we can begin a dialog about it. I am not a therapist, but I think the Lord has been leading me toward a path of becoming a Spiritual Advisor and Healer. I am open to whatever the Lord wants me to do, and it will be all for His praise and glory. For now, just look at me as a loving older brother that you can turn to for advice.
Make a great week! You control your thoughts, so think positively and act it!
Last edited by Gman5256 on Mon Apr 06, 2009 5:26 am, edited 1 time in total.
All for His praise, glory and the joy it gives Him.
Hugs, In His Love >:D<
Gman9259
"He who dwells in the secret place of the most
high shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty"
Hugs, In His Love >:D<
Gman9259
"He who dwells in the secret place of the most
high shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty"
-
Untouchable
- Posts: 3
- Joined: Sat Feb 03, 2007 5:37 pm
Hey There Bub,
I loved that part of the post where you said, "Our thoughts are like self-fulfilling prophecies"
We had better watch what we say and think, since, we may end up getting just that!!!! This, alone, could very well help get people motivated to focus on the program, since our mind is a very powerful tool...We can use it (our mind) to work for us, instead of against us...
As far as the Tai Chi thing, I wouldn't be very comfortable with that one, since, I only meditate on things of Jesus...Sorry...I just don't believe in that type of thing...No offense!!!
Bub, you sure do post some enlightening things....Keep up the great work!!! God Bless...Sis...
I loved that part of the post where you said, "Our thoughts are like self-fulfilling prophecies"
We had better watch what we say and think, since, we may end up getting just that!!!! This, alone, could very well help get people motivated to focus on the program, since our mind is a very powerful tool...We can use it (our mind) to work for us, instead of against us...
As far as the Tai Chi thing, I wouldn't be very comfortable with that one, since, I only meditate on things of Jesus...Sorry...I just don't believe in that type of thing...No offense!!!
Bub, you sure do post some enlightening things....Keep up the great work!!! God Bless...Sis...
Hi T-sis,
Thank you for your encouragement. Let me be clear; I consider God to be the source of all knowledge. Tai Chi is a tool, no different than a speed bag or road work is essential to a boxer's training, and that we can take advantage of to gather all that God has put into His creation.
My focus when doing Tai Chi is my full focus and attention, on Jesus and all that He means to me and to all of His creation. I need no other spiritual philosophy, but do hope to make use of all that He makes available to us for His praise and glory.
Its okay, to reprove a brother you may think is steering afar, and it is easy to confuse the intent, between brothers and sisters on a forum such as this, where sensitivities to spiritual matters, may cause misunderstandings or misinterpretations. We really have to be more expansive in our thinking, just as Paul did in many of his presentations in mixed company.
I hope this clarifies my thinking on this matter. I share all in His Love, that I may be able to help even a few to win them over to Love.
Please listen to <span class="ev_code_purple">“Much of You”</span>:
All things new
Here are the lyrics: Lyrics
Praise God!
Thank you for your encouragement. Let me be clear; I consider God to be the source of all knowledge. Tai Chi is a tool, no different than a speed bag or road work is essential to a boxer's training, and that we can take advantage of to gather all that God has put into His creation.
My focus when doing Tai Chi is my full focus and attention, on Jesus and all that He means to me and to all of His creation. I need no other spiritual philosophy, but do hope to make use of all that He makes available to us for His praise and glory.
Its okay, to reprove a brother you may think is steering afar, and it is easy to confuse the intent, between brothers and sisters on a forum such as this, where sensitivities to spiritual matters, may cause misunderstandings or misinterpretations. We really have to be more expansive in our thinking, just as Paul did in many of his presentations in mixed company.
I hope this clarifies my thinking on this matter. I share all in His Love, that I may be able to help even a few to win them over to Love.
Please listen to <span class="ev_code_purple">“Much of You”</span>:
All things new
Here are the lyrics: Lyrics
Praise God!
All for His praise, glory and the joy it gives Him.
Hugs, In His Love >:D<
Gman9259
"He who dwells in the secret place of the most
high shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty"
Hugs, In His Love >:D<
Gman9259
"He who dwells in the secret place of the most
high shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty"
-
Frank in Japan
- Posts: 6
- Joined: Wed Aug 16, 2006 2:40 am
Hi Sis,
This is exactly what I am singing at the top of my lungs, with all my heart. Can you picture my Joy? Remember, back in the day, I was a great dancer He has me going crazy with this song! I justacould sing too,
just picture that! praise with all of my body, heart, soul and voice! That's me, I am just a fool for Him!
In fact, this whole album has got me rocking!
If anybody doesn't know what I boast about, it's all good! I'm only getting started.
This is exactly what I am singing at the top of my lungs, with all my heart. Can you picture my Joy? Remember, back in the day, I was a great dancer He has me going crazy with this song! I justacould sing too,
just picture that! praise with all of my body, heart, soul and voice! That's me, I am just a fool for Him!In fact, this whole album has got me rocking!
If anybody doesn't know what I boast about, it's all good! I'm only getting started.
All for His praise, glory and the joy it gives Him.
Hugs, In His Love >:D<
Gman9259
"He who dwells in the secret place of the most
high shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty"
Hugs, In His Love >:D<
Gman9259
"He who dwells in the secret place of the most
high shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty"
-
AlaskanAmber
- Posts: 21
- Joined: Wed Mar 18, 2009 10:11 pm
Hello,
I deal with anxiety too, and I've been married over 11years, my husband is supportive as he can be without truly understanding exactly what anxiety feels like. But I too worry that I'll lose him, he'll find someone better, or what if he dies? Etc. The best thing that helps me is tell him, and do the sandwich technique, a compliment/explaination- concern- explanation. Lead into it with somthing like " honey, I need some reassurance, I know it's anxiety, and I"m being a worrywart but........I"m worried about losing you, I love our relationship and you are wonderful and i'm afraid.......You'll find someone else....I'll be sad if we break up...etc..fill in your own words, and I know it's anxiety, I know our relationship is great and your great, but I need a hug and little reassurance to not worry.
Truly anxiety is bigger in our head, than when we say it outloud. My husband was amazing, he would just give me a hug, tell me he's not going anywhere, he loves me and not to worry.
You'll be doubly relieved b/c your vulnerable, and your about to open another level of trust to your boyfriend and your scared. It's natural to be worried as things get serious, your testing the waters of trust. It'll be okay.
But once you feel comfortable to confide in him, you have to recognize when these thoughts come back, that you need your postive thinking tools. Replace the negative with postive, "what if I get hospitolized if we break up?" stomp it with " we're Not breaking up today, he loves me, and I will be fine. Focus on today. Everything will work out fine. Recognize these negative thoughts will not help you, they're not productive, they're only fueling MORE negative thoughts, channel the energy in other ways, exercise, cleaning, a funny movie. Just stop, and if you need to get it out, Journal it to Jesus. Get a journal, write down your thoughts, get it out, close the journal, pray about it, and distract yourself and move on with your day! They're just thoughts trying to drag you down! For every negative thought replace it with a postive and it will become habit someday and someday you'll realize a whole day went by with out questioning your relationship, then a a few days, then a week. In all relationships there are only 2 possible outcomes. you either marry them, or break up. There are no other options. So Don't worry,God has a plan and if this guy is great and wonderful and supportive, he'll most likely marry you, and love you for you forever.
Much peace and prayers. hope this helps!
I deal with anxiety too, and I've been married over 11years, my husband is supportive as he can be without truly understanding exactly what anxiety feels like. But I too worry that I'll lose him, he'll find someone better, or what if he dies? Etc. The best thing that helps me is tell him, and do the sandwich technique, a compliment/explaination- concern- explanation. Lead into it with somthing like " honey, I need some reassurance, I know it's anxiety, and I"m being a worrywart but........I"m worried about losing you, I love our relationship and you are wonderful and i'm afraid.......You'll find someone else....I'll be sad if we break up...etc..fill in your own words, and I know it's anxiety, I know our relationship is great and your great, but I need a hug and little reassurance to not worry.
Truly anxiety is bigger in our head, than when we say it outloud. My husband was amazing, he would just give me a hug, tell me he's not going anywhere, he loves me and not to worry.
You'll be doubly relieved b/c your vulnerable, and your about to open another level of trust to your boyfriend and your scared. It's natural to be worried as things get serious, your testing the waters of trust. It'll be okay.
But once you feel comfortable to confide in him, you have to recognize when these thoughts come back, that you need your postive thinking tools. Replace the negative with postive, "what if I get hospitolized if we break up?" stomp it with " we're Not breaking up today, he loves me, and I will be fine. Focus on today. Everything will work out fine. Recognize these negative thoughts will not help you, they're not productive, they're only fueling MORE negative thoughts, channel the energy in other ways, exercise, cleaning, a funny movie. Just stop, and if you need to get it out, Journal it to Jesus. Get a journal, write down your thoughts, get it out, close the journal, pray about it, and distract yourself and move on with your day! They're just thoughts trying to drag you down! For every negative thought replace it with a postive and it will become habit someday and someday you'll realize a whole day went by with out questioning your relationship, then a a few days, then a week. In all relationships there are only 2 possible outcomes. you either marry them, or break up. There are no other options. So Don't worry,God has a plan and if this guy is great and wonderful and supportive, he'll most likely marry you, and love you for you forever.
Much peace and prayers. hope this helps!
