I posted this in another thread and wanted to start a thread about it because I am not ashamed to talk about it anymore. I need help. The mind is a very powerful tool that can be used in a destructive way. I struggle with self-perception? (I guess you would call it that). They say self-perception is 80% of our problems. I intensify and magnify my problems which cause me to shut down because "I think" everyone can see them... but I've come to find that they can't (or at least that's what they say). Anyway, here are some of my complex issues... please if anyone has any advice, I'm desperate for it. I'm not ashamed anymore.
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I know exactly how you feel. I just started a new job last week. I haven't had a solid, full-time job since last summer when I was let go from a company 25 days into my employment. It's a long story but I would say 15% was my fault and 85% was the company's. It was a horrible experience and on top of that they let me go right before I could collect unemployment. It was only by the grace of God that I was able to sustain myself all this time without a full-time job. But... I just got a really good job and I am so anxious that the same scenario is going to happen again. Same type of company, but this new company is VERY employee-friendly, which is in direct contrast with the last company.
The 15% that I was telling you about is my brain fogginess, anxiety, and social phobia. I can relate to the feeling of inadequacy, feeling "dumb", shell-shocked, speechless, deer in the head-lights glare, etc. I notice that it flares up within me in the hallways at work when I stop to talk to someone. The hallways are really narrow and the offices are really close, and the walls are paper thin. So I clam up, loose my train of thought, get speechless, and sound "dumb" when I'm really pretty smart. I just have a hard time expressing myself around people I don't know (and sometimes around people I know). I have all sorts of weird phobias. One is my voice. I have a resounding, deep voice (at least I think I do) and when I talk I feel like the world can hear me... so I tend to trail off when I talk because I'm thinking that everyone is listening and it makes me look weird. So the more it happens the less I talk (the more I shoot myself down). Also, we share offices and my anxiety flares up there as well. My main problem in the office is "everyone can hear me" so I don't want to "mess up" (I've REALLY messed up before) so I don't talk that much.
I know this sounds really complex or deep but it's what I'm going through and I'm not ashamed to talk about it anymore. I need help because it is has been changing my life for the worst! Does anyone deal with this?
Weird phobias?
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AbundantLiving
- Posts: 10
- Joined: Sat Jan 26, 2008 10:44 pm
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Guest
Hi,
I am new to this forum. I ordered the package and I am waiting anxiously for it.
I have common phobias, but I deal with my anxiety in a wierd way. I have claustrophobia, emetophobia, and agoraphobia at different levels. The DC metro combines all those phobias into one. I dread taking the Metro daily; I have a panic attack twice a day while on the metro; as soon I get out, I am fine. I am also afraid of bridges and other transportation. At work, I have only mild anxiety if I don't eat anything; if I eat something, IBS starts acting up. As soon it is almost time to leave, my heart starts racing because I have to take the Metro. I want to drive again (I haven't in about 10 years because of my anxiety), but my husband fears for me on the road. But I feel it would be way better for me in the car than on the metro. I have noticed that my diet contributes a lot, but I have 2 small kids, sleep only 3-4 hours a night, and need tons of soda and sugar to function. I try to keep this a secret, specially at work because I was mocked one time by my colleagues in a previous job.
I am new to this forum. I ordered the package and I am waiting anxiously for it.
I have common phobias, but I deal with my anxiety in a wierd way. I have claustrophobia, emetophobia, and agoraphobia at different levels. The DC metro combines all those phobias into one. I dread taking the Metro daily; I have a panic attack twice a day while on the metro; as soon I get out, I am fine. I am also afraid of bridges and other transportation. At work, I have only mild anxiety if I don't eat anything; if I eat something, IBS starts acting up. As soon it is almost time to leave, my heart starts racing because I have to take the Metro. I want to drive again (I haven't in about 10 years because of my anxiety), but my husband fears for me on the road. But I feel it would be way better for me in the car than on the metro. I have noticed that my diet contributes a lot, but I have 2 small kids, sleep only 3-4 hours a night, and need tons of soda and sugar to function. I try to keep this a secret, specially at work because I was mocked one time by my colleagues in a previous job.