Anyone else have social anxiety?

dj417002 · Post by **dj417002** » Sat Feb 28, 2009 8:44 am

I have always been shy but developed Social Anxiety around about the time I got generalised anxiety and agoraphobia. It really is a horrible thing to have, In crowds of people while I no longer have panic attacks it feels very very uncomfortable, I have lost all mys friends, infact I'd say its moved onto a hate towards people in general, I have no confidence at all, I think everyone is better than me, I can't talk to people, my mind just goes blank, I can't make eye contact with people, If walking down the street and I see someone approach that I know I will cross the street so I don't have to talk to them.

Anyone else have this? Its not really talked about on the CD's and to be honest I can't imagine anyone on the CD's having social anxiety and to be honest I don't know how to go about curing it, It really is a confidence thing, and CD 3 Self talk the key to a health self esteem is nowhere near good enough to help.

Any advice appreciated, I can't go to my doctor because I have tried and am to embarrased about it, I sat there blushing which is another symptom and forgot what I went in for

My mind just totally blanks out in social situations.

Admin_1 · Post by **Admin_1** » Sat Feb 28, 2009 12:26 pm

Hi dj417002,
Sounds like we could possibly be twin souls.

Let me start by saying, I have not even listened to tape one of the program.
I have read many books and been to a few counceling sessions.

All I can say is, just do it...speak, smile, make eye contact.
When you make the effort, you will stutter, perspire(me), blush(me also) and at times feel like an complete idiot. But I betcha you will feel proud of yourself for trying.

Just do it, dj!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Mar 01, 2009 7:14 am

Yep I agree, this one gets better fast! You just have to go out there and do, baby steps is best, the next thing you know you will be talking to everybody!

rose_thorn98 · Post by **rose_thorn98** » Sun Mar 01, 2009 3:52 pm

dj417002, I'm on session 5 of the program. today I went out to eat with my family and friends after my daughters soccer game and as soon as we were seated I felt panicky. This is one of the worst social settings for me because everyone wants to talk a lot, the restuarant was very crowded and noisy, and I just don't feel like I can get up and run away. I had all the dreaded body symptoms and felt like I was for sure going to pass out. To make things worse I couldn't even salivate. Just to eat I had to take a sip of water with my bites or it felt like I had cotton in my mouth. My wife notices that when I get that way I get real quiet and don't say much, so she asked me if I was okay. I told her I would be okay. I could say that to her because that was the dialogue going on in my mind. I have to politely disagree with you about session 3. If you do the work in session 3, all of it cd's, workbook, journalling, etc. you will be able to get through these episodes so much easier. So here is the advice I would give based on my own personal experiences and what I have learned from the first 5 sessions.
1. I am learning to comfort myself. I just kept telling myself constantly, I will be okay, I will make it through the meal, and even if I don't I'm with good people who will help me. I am safe, there is no real danger, no rational reason to panic. Somehow I have initiated the fight or flight with my thinking and I need to remember what happened when it started so I can find the trigger (this helps because now I have something else to think about other than my body symptoms). I tell myself just to go along with it until I can talk myself out of the panic. I can see huge improvement in the length of my panic episodes (they are shorter) and I feel better sooner after the panic subsides all based on changing how I talk/think to myself during the panic. I felt better by the time I got back to my car, where before I would feel sick the rest of the day.
2. You are not alone!!!!! I certainly have experienced all you mentioned in your first paragraph and still do, especially in crowded social settings. lots of people experience social anxiety. I'm not talking about being a little nervous, I'm talking of the deabiliating kind that seriously isolates us from other people.
3. This is important!! Type "social anxiety" into the search under the "find" heading at the top of this page, you'll get about 100 pages of forum on this subject, very good reading and very good advice and empathy. If you just read these forum posts you will learn a LOT about social anxiety, the very many ways people struggle with it and the sheer size of this problem in people with anxiety/depression.
4. The attacking anxiety program and this forum will help you more than a medical doctor. A medical doctor is not going to have the time, training or inclination to help you with this very internal stuggle that goes on in your mind.
5. Please learn to love yourself, and to love people. This will help heal you.
6. Do number 3

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Mar 02, 2009 3:58 am

dj417002,

I feel exactly the same way you do!!!! I know what you're going through. I avoid all social interactions. My wife has given up on me and has friends, but I have none. At my kid sporting or school events I stay by myself and my wife talks to everyone. She's the one that interacts with the coaches, teachers, etc. She's probably enabling me at this point, but I don't know what to do. How can I all of sudden try to talk to people after years of not doing it? I feel that they all think I am just an unfriendly person.

However, it's not hopeless. I am only on session 2, but agree with mtnbkr that this program can help you. In session 2 Lucinda says that we have to face the things that cause us aniexty. So this weekend I took my daughter to soccer pratice and this her second year on the team and I never once spoke to the coach. Well we had to get some warm-up gear from him, so I thought about what Lucinda said in session two and went up and talked to him about the warm-up gear and the new season. I was very anxious, but after I felt so great.

So you just got to face that fear and do it. It's ok to feel anxious. Just accept the feeling and work through it! You can do it! You're not alone!

Carolyn Dickman · Post by **Carolyn Dickman** » Mon Mar 02, 2009 1:51 pm

John1969, Kudos for not letting anxiety decide if you were going to have conversation with the coach. thanks for sharing this victory with us here on the forum. I do that too, I just accept I feel anxious about relating to people and then do it anyway, so far I've always had a positive experience and each successful conversation gives me confidence for the next. For me soccer parents have always been a good place to have conversation even though I feel anxious because the parents are focused on the game, not on me so much.

rose_thorn98 · Post by **rose_thorn98** » Mon Mar 02, 2009 2:13 pm

Good job! Its like a little victory every time you do it, then you get used to challenging yourself and I've started to like that. I get bored if there isnt something challenging to achieve, I think I was bored before too actually and chose to fill my mind with parnoid fears, and really they are paranoid, because most times the chances of them happening are pretty slim.

I used to have a really hard time in social settings too, alchohol and pot helped me out although I didnt overuse it because I didnt like feeling out if control I would use just enough to relax, but even when I was really toasted I wouldnt lose that control, it was kind of amazing actually.

This may freak some of you out but when Im a social gathering now I CAN tell that someone is shy or having social anxiety, because I know the signs from personal experience. I know that is a horrible thought, to think somebody can tell how you are feeling and how scared you are, but its not so bad really, all I feel is compasion and endeared to that person, because that is person at the table who cares the most about how they are percieved and is trying the hardest not to say the wrong thing or offend or sound stupid, and I like that in a person because it means they are sensitive and in tune with others.

So I think its an interesting twist that while you think that is the worst thing, someone noticing, its actually not, and once you realize that most people are concerned (maybe not to the same degree as us) but mostly are concerned about how THEY are being perceived, it can help take that feeling of being in the spolight away and then you can start to relax a little and actually enjoy the company :0)

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Mar 02, 2009 4:38 pm

I get anxiety when I hear the word socialize or meeting. I received the program today and yet I have a meeting tomorrow pm in which I already have anxiety about. I'm going thru the guide book and dvd like crazy, trying to find something that is going to help me get thru it without racing heat and sweating palms and whatever eles sometimes happens. I know my self esteem doesn't help either. Any Advice?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Mar 02, 2009 5:19 pm

Breathe deeply and let the other person do the talking, listen and think about what's being said so you can ask intelligent questions, try not to talk too quickly or rush through it, you'll just make yourself more nervous, remind yourself that's it's okay and that are safe and nothing bad is going to happen, center everything around your breathing. Not only will you get through it easier but whoever you are meeting will really be impressed with you because good interested listeners are a rare type to come across!