Do I break up with my boyfriend because Im so insecure and need to work on myself?
Hi all, been with my boyfriend for almost a year now. Every now and then, I shut doen and don't talk around him because I have these constant negative thoughts about- what will I do if he breaks up with me? I will be so miserable. What if I'm hospitalized? I guess its been awhile since Ive been this intimate with someone and Im scared to death. My friends tell me I need to open up to him about how Im feeling but Im scare he will think Im crazy. I hacve been having a lot of flashbakc of abuse and just a lot of anxiety since we've gotten more serious. I go back in fourth with the thought that maybe I really need to break up with him (which I know in my heart I don't want to do)and work on myself. My best friend tells me I am "trippin" and that I can very well work on myself while staying in the relationship. I just feel like I'm such a mess and covering it up is even harder. Just wanted to share this with you all and see if any of you can relate or have advice? Thanks and good luck everyone.
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Guest
HI Jules,
I can relate. I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year and a half now. I'm 24. I was in the same position as you about 6 months ago. I was freaking out because I was anxious and dependent on him and insecure, I was afraid of losing him too. I wrote him a long letter telling him everything. I didn't want to tell him because I kept getting toungue tied. It seemed easier to get it all down on paper and leave and let him read it alone. Since then things have improved! I wasnt sure if I should open up to him or just leave and work on everything by myself. But since I told him, he found this program for me and bought it for me. He's been very supportive. Him and I have gotten much closer. If you need to work on yourself, if you feel so inclined you could spend more time with just yourself and less time with him. I'm not sure if breaking up with him is the best possible thing right now though. I'd open up to him first and give him a chance.
I'm insecure a lot of the time too. I hate it. I'm really working on it. But I have become very dependent on him at times, but I'm also trying to change that too! I want to be independent, but it's hard.
I hope that I helped you out at least a little bit!
I can relate. I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year and a half now. I'm 24. I was in the same position as you about 6 months ago. I was freaking out because I was anxious and dependent on him and insecure, I was afraid of losing him too. I wrote him a long letter telling him everything. I didn't want to tell him because I kept getting toungue tied. It seemed easier to get it all down on paper and leave and let him read it alone. Since then things have improved! I wasnt sure if I should open up to him or just leave and work on everything by myself. But since I told him, he found this program for me and bought it for me. He's been very supportive. Him and I have gotten much closer. If you need to work on yourself, if you feel so inclined you could spend more time with just yourself and less time with him. I'm not sure if breaking up with him is the best possible thing right now though. I'd open up to him first and give him a chance.
I'm insecure a lot of the time too. I hate it. I'm really working on it. But I have become very dependent on him at times, but I'm also trying to change that too! I want to be independent, but it's hard.
I hope that I helped you out at least a little bit!
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Guest
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Guest
jules7222,
Wow I read your post and have to say I was in the EXACT same situation a few weeks ago and still kind of am. I constantly had neg thoughts that my boyfriend didn't care I would get mad at him for ever little thing he did and he got so tired of never being able to please me. I did however tell me about my situation and asked him if he still wanted to be with me while I was working on myself and he did. He supports me alot I just feel sometime that my fear is being alone and I can't work on myself as much as I want to cuz I am always with him. So i broke up with him and told him I wanted to find myself and when I feel I have then we can see if we can work things out but... that lasted not even a week and we are back together. I realize I am insecure and dependant but I also realize I need to overcome that and just be more positive in our relationship which is going pretty good for right now. I just think it will be amazin to have this person you really care about see the changes we are going through and see the amazing end result of our new fulling lives... That is my hope anyways.
Don't know if this helped but i just wanted to let you know you are not alone. Do what you feel in your heart is right. For me it was I just didn't want to let a guy this special to me go because of my condition. If he is willing to work with you then he is a keeper!
Wow I read your post and have to say I was in the EXACT same situation a few weeks ago and still kind of am. I constantly had neg thoughts that my boyfriend didn't care I would get mad at him for ever little thing he did and he got so tired of never being able to please me. I did however tell me about my situation and asked him if he still wanted to be with me while I was working on myself and he did. He supports me alot I just feel sometime that my fear is being alone and I can't work on myself as much as I want to cuz I am always with him. So i broke up with him and told him I wanted to find myself and when I feel I have then we can see if we can work things out but... that lasted not even a week and we are back together. I realize I am insecure and dependant but I also realize I need to overcome that and just be more positive in our relationship which is going pretty good for right now. I just think it will be amazin to have this person you really care about see the changes we are going through and see the amazing end result of our new fulling lives... That is my hope anyways.
Don't know if this helped but i just wanted to let you know you are not alone. Do what you feel in your heart is right. For me it was I just didn't want to let a guy this special to me go because of my condition. If he is willing to work with you then he is a keeper!