Hello Again All

[Engine2]

Hello All,

It has been quite a while since I have posted and feel bad I have been such a stranger since I received so much help in these forums. I guess sometimes I need to remember things get better, but talking it out and such is always good. To much begins to build up and then all hell breaks loose.

I was a major anxiety case for much of 2007 & 2008, but began feeling better after some initial health diagnoses in the early part of 2008.

For me, any sort of pain that may be in my chest causes me to worry and then I become obsessed with it and basically circle the drain. I really thought I had beat this a couple of years ago with some mild set backs, but this past October I started with panic attacks again and even brought myself into the ER one night because I had to know.

EKG, blood work, chest x-ray were all negative. Saw my regular doctor the next day and he told me I needed to relax. (Go figure). He mentioned some sort of anti-depressant I believe, but I have tried to steer clear of anything more than the Xanax or Ativan.

So, a week ago I started acupuncture for anxiety and I have to say this has been a great help, but the stress that started in Sept, family issues in one part of the family continue and took another turn on Saturday.

My mom, who is 61, was taken to the hospital after her defibrillator went off. She has had a defribrillator since 2004, and until July of this year it had never fired. Anyway, this certainly has caused me some stress. She has had multiple pacing (from the defib) events since September and the second shock this past Saturday.

I am doing OK, especially since I have had the acupuncture, but I have pains in my shoulder which go to the back and to the front and are really getting me down. I am not sure if they are stress, muscle, or a combination of the two. I dislocated the shoulder in 2001 and it has been an issue on and off for years, but the past month, more so than normal.

I go to a chiropractor (who also does my acupuncture) and when he looks at the arm, it's a mess. He makes some adjustments, twice in last week and it feels better, but doesn't seem to last. I should mention I don't take it easy. I am a volunteer EMT/FF and also spent 4 or 5 hrs in the yard working on the yard.

My wife, who is an angel to still be dealing with me after all this tells me it's in my head. I guess we both know it, but, when things bother me on my left side, I get concerned. As for the arm pain, shoulder, wherever, it is just annoying.

A few years back I was diagnosed with Costochondritis, I assume this can still be part of my issues when everything else gets aggravated.

I'm not at wits end I think thanks to the acupuncture, but I am pretty down about my relapsing into anxiety. I have made the last year almost of my life more tense than it had to be (from other things) and I think the cup has runeth over now!!

I just want to get back to where I was, and hoping reading & writing here will help me once again.

Sorry so long....I'm a good talker too, though my wife says I just talk in circles. If I could just accept that arm pain is arm pain, I'd be a lot better off.

[Engine2]

I guess just a little update....after hating the pain the arm was in and feeling stressed or anxious I caved and took a Xanax and the pain went away.

Don't get me wrong, the shoulder still has some issues, but I think the anxiety is focusing on this area of my body because it is already weakened by whatever injury I am suffering.

Eh...I was not sure it would work, but it is what it is.

I took another one today, they are small doses, so I do not have to feel all wound up. Make it a good day. I do want to win this battle w/o the meds, but you know what, sometimes you just need them, especially after yesterday was so unproductive.

More acupuncture tonight, so I will try and keep everyone posted.