Angry all the time

[CALIGRL30]

I am mad at the world. I'm angry all the time and I take it out on my poor husband.

I just had my world turned upside down. I lost a job that I loved, I moved, My husband got a great job but the worst is I just lost my grandmother and I'm having a very hard time dealing with and accepting reality.

I'm usually a very positive person but lately I have been only negative.

My husband is usually my biggest cheerleader but lately he has been my biggest obstacle.

How do I make him understand what I'm going thru and that him being negative only hurts me...

Please help!!!

[Paisleegreen]

Boy, have I been going through what you are going through now. It has taken me a while to get settled down. Do you have the Program? Paislee

[tina martin]

The first big positive step is to recognize your own attitude and the need to change it. Try not to slip into the pitfall of blaming and fault finding, esp. your husband. It goes nowhere.

You are embarking on great adventures: learning about yourself, gaining insight. That means reading, thinking, exploring. You will end up loving yourself and being able to spread that love to those around you. Yes, it can be done.

[KAMO]

Hi Tina, I have a similar problem with my husband. When my anxiety attacks first started 3 years ago, he was all for me getting therapy, but I quit going because that didn't work, & now he doesn't even want to hear about how my anxiety attacks make me feel. We've been together for 34 years and I don't want to push him away with all of my problems. He seems to get frustrated anytime I bring it up, so I've just started not saying anything to him about them. I'm a very insecure person so I'd rather deal with it on my own and have him with me than to push him away and be by myself. I think hearing about what I'm going through frustrates him because he'd rather think everything is ok.

[tina martin]

Hi KAMO. I must admit I take some strange positions and am perfectly OK if they are rejected.

How can I put this? It is my belief that neither spouse can be or ought to be the other's shrink or necessarily a primary sounding board. A spouse, in my view, can only do so much. 34 years is a long time, mine is a long time too. Were they perfect? Hardly. There are ups and downs, possible differences in a variety of ways, perhaps resentments, shortcomings, etc. But no doubt there were and remain binding qualities. I could name a number of them and you, no doubt, can too. Maybe you can start from there. Just some thoughts for you.

[KAMO]

Hi KAMO. I must admit I take some strange positions and am perfectly OK if they are rejected.

How can I put this? It is my belief that neither spouse can be or ought to be the other's shrink or necessarily a primary sounding board. A spouse, in my view, can only do so much. 34 years is a long time, mine is a long time too. Were they perfect? Hardly. There are ups and downs, possible differences in a variety of ways, perhaps resentments, shortcomings, etc. But no doubt there were and remain binding qualities. I could name a number of them and you, no doubt, can too. Maybe you can start from there. Just some thoughts for you.

Tina, I agree with you that our spouses cannot be our shrink's, it's just nice once in a while to have someone close to you to talk to. However, I've reached the point that when he asks me what's wrong, I just say nothing, but if I'm quiet or not eating, which is how I always am when I have an anxiety attack, I don't know why he asks, because after 3 years, he should know by now. My thinking is don't ask me what's wrong if you don't want to hear it and then get frustrated when I tell you.

[tina martin]

Yes, it is nice to have someone close to talk to. No one could or would deny that.

My response comes from being on self help sites for some time and seeing this issue come up quite a bit. Sharing the approach I have generally taken myself may not be the best, for sure.