Anxiety back in full force

[bklynbee]

Well I had been doing so good for the past couple of weeks and I thought I had finally got this condition under
control. Boy was I wrong. This past week its back to the racing and pounding heart and not being able to sleep.
I have been sick to my stomach and all I want to do is cry. I am supposed to have my procedure done next week
but looks like that wont be happening once again. I am so tired of feeling good for a while and then all of a sudden
it all just comes crashing down again. I am becoming very obsessive over things again and I dont think I have the
strength to go through this again. If this is what the rest of my life is going to be like this than it is not worth living.
I am miserable and all I am doing is making everyone around me miserable as well. Just want it to be over already.

[SoWhatif]

I just typed a bunch and it disappeared. Pi..es me off. Have you eaten and got yourself moving this morning?
Get the procedure done, no excuse, ok. Get a pad and pen and lets list the things your thankful for. Share with us what is causing the self pity.
R

[Paisleegreen]

Hi Bklynbee, hang in there, do what Sowhatif suggested, it is too bad he lost some of his posting.
I wasn't feeling too good this morning as well, but got moving and just ate a tuna fish sandwich and some green beans and milk. I feel much better...I can tell when I stay on the computer too long and take in too much negative information and then not eat when I should or get moving.
My plans were to get dressed and start clearing out a scrapbook room, so that I can use it! It will be mentally painful as well as not my idea of a fun physical activity. But I know that I will feel better after I get started and the exercise of going up and down my basement stairs is going to do my body and brain good! Paislee

[bklynbee]

Today is the first day that I am feeling better since Tuesday...My whole problem is I am constantly worried about my heart rate....sometimes when I wake up my heart races and once that happens it ruins me for that day and maybe a couple of days after... I will constantly take my pulse throughout the day and if it is over 88 when i stand up that is when i will not do anything. I will lay in my bed and get up every few hours and check it and if it is over 88 i just lay back down. On Tuesday I really freaked out because my heart rate is usually 60-70 when laying down and that day it was 80. I know logically that 80 is still within normal range but in my head it is to fast and Im going to die. The fastest it usaually gets when standing is 104 which isnt that bad but I definitely will not move when it is at this rate. The fact that I know all these different rates should tell you how often I take my pulse. It has total control over my life and I dont know how to stop it. I have tried but when I feel like i really need to take it and I cant it causes me even more anxiety. I have been like this for a year already...I was hoping by this summer i would be better so i could enjoy it but I dont think that is going to happen, I am supposed to have my procedure done on tuesday and i dont see myself going through with it. I am not going to tell myself yeah Im going to do it and then the day comes and I dont go through with it and I feel totally let down. I am in week 12 and this week i have been trying to figure out why i am hanging on to this anxiety but i cant. I dont know if its because before all of this started I used to do everything and anytime i asked my fiance for help i would have to beg or nag him until he couldnt take it anymore. Sometimes I figured it would just be easier to do everything myself. Now since i have anxiety the days i dont feel good he is forced into doing everything. I started feeling like the other person that posted this program is full of crap and doesnt work. Then I realized they never said they would get rid of the anxiety completely they just give you ways to deal with it better. I realized there will always be times I am anxious in my life but I need to learn how to handle it better. Hope I find the way one day soon so i can go through with my procedure and move on with my life. I dont know what I am going to do when my unemployment runs out and I have to go back to work. Sorry this is so long but just really needed to get it out. Thanks for listening!

[tina martin]

Sorry you are feeling this way, but glad you realize the limitations of this program or any therapy for that matter. It is at least a 50/50 proposition.

Don't know whether you are on medication, but I have learned from people about good results with low dosage. I am old and have good reasons to be concerned about pulse, heart, blood pressure, etc. etc. Forget it I tell myself: I will not give up my days that way. I am at the end of life and have no time to waste. Self talk and exercise and meditation are key components of the program. It can't do that for you. You must do it yourself. Please try, please go to your appointment. We are rooting for you. You can do it.

[Paisleegreen]

Hi, I agree with Tina, please go to your appt. It is true, anxiety will be with us, but at different levels. This Program helps us to cope with our anxiety.

I use to do everything as well and now I don't do near the stuff I use to. But I'm getting better all the time. I don't think I'll be the way I was totally because I'm getting older and the body chemistry changes and I ache more. Just a part of the physical changes our body goes through while we age.

I just do what I can each day, some days it is a lot and others I barely can get out of bed. Rainy days don't help, but I keep working at it. Paislee

[Rachael9700]

Bklynbee,
It's Rachael. I am doing well, thanks to a low dose of Busperin daily, waking up and meditating, and my daily 45 minute walk. No caffeine, sugars to a minimum. Do you know how long it took me to get to this point? 7 months!
When at my lowest, I remember not being able to make it to 2 different doctors. I embarrassingly told 2 receptionists of my condition. Both doctors called me at home, then I went in the next week. Them knowing, how difficult it was for me to even get to the appointment, everyone was reassuring. Let your doctor know of your condition, if they are not accomodating, or do not give you suggestions, talk to another doctor. Be proactive, that was half of my problem, waiting for the problem to fix itself, I received the same results. I know I'm not 100% cured, maybe never will be. But, I'm back to work, getting out in the community. I have even told my friends and family about my problem. The ones that leave me alone suddenly, they don't need to be in my life. The one's that have the same problem, we've bonded even more. Here's a quote to leave you on, a coward dies a 1,000 deaths. A warrior dies only once. Really concentrate on the positive self talk, to me, your playing the tape where disaster happens over and over again, please play the good tape in your mind, where you get the procedure done and all goes well. Good Luck, Rachael.