We are all 41, that's why we love it here. I am 2 plus decades older than you, dear J. What do you think happens to those cells up there? Names don't come, words are slow sometimes, run around forgetting what I wanted in the first place, blah, blah. But I'm cheerful.
Try to go to FOX to read his stuff and computer invariably kicks up a fuss. Have no idea why. But will try later.
Dear Diary
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Paisleegreen
- Posts: 1778
- Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:27 pm
Re: Dear Diary
Thanks, J, for all the advice! It is very informative indeed! FIL hasn't had good hearing since he went to Korea and stuff gun canons. He blames his loss on that time period. He never went to war, but was in the arm forces and in training. So everything he does is referenced to when he was in Korea or the Army. That's how he takes baths! 
He has always been a hunter and a fisherman and loves his food, plus he has always grown a big garden and canned food. But I wouldn't trust his handwashing skills as well as dishwashing skills. 
The excuses the "kids" say is that Dad has built up resistance to "bugs" due to him eating stuff with Green on it. I don't buy it, of course. DH's family likes to joke things away, instead of facing facts. That is my constant battle with DH. I look maybe too much into the future and DH not enough. So I guess that's why we're good together, but it sure can bring on arguments or disagreements. Ugh...
My Psychologist as already said that since FIL is seeing two cars on the road and two airplanes in the sky, that dementia is setting in. Besides thinking that my piano bench was a table he made in woodshop in Junior High.
He does get embarrassed when he is found out about not taking a shower or building a small fire in the coal furnace or not ordering enough coal. He puts on a sheepish grin when he is found out. Also, my Psychologist suggested that a Dr tell him he can't drive, well, we can't get him to the Dr. I might be able to, but I would have to make a 4 hour or more drive to do so. Even though hubby was there yesterday for two days. The sons just aren't tough enough to do this task, they won't even make their own Dr's appointments. Definitely won't take Dad unless he is deathly ill.
They don't want to do the uncomfortable, such as telling their Dad he can't drive anymore. My sister in law is worried to death about him and sort of wishes something would happen. Even though she has the power to hire the Nurses Aids to come in and give him a shower or take him to the Dr or take the car keys away.
My Dr said other people have put a different key on the key ring so their father won't drive or they took something apart so the engine won't start. Very simple things...there are people in the community that can pick my FIL up to go to church or do his volunteer work. They probably don't want to sit by him though...P.U. Unfortunately, FIL smells bad, but at least he isn't dribbling urine. It is more body odor and wearing the same clothes.
I will have to write my sister in laws and tell them what I know, I guess, I haven't yet due to being ill and not feeling up to writing a carefully written letter of concern. I might get lambasted and I'll never hear the end of it. I have a lot of sister in laws. But the two main ones, are definitely outspoken and can get their hackles up. Yikes!
Tina, you are funny...so DH has white hair and pretty blue eyes! Cute! My mother was given morphine at the hospital after her devastating stroke where her frontal lobe was damaged. It was in her Living Will. So maybe DH won't have to do anything, the hospital will. I agree with J, your mind seems intact to me!
Paislee 
He has always been a hunter and a fisherman and loves his food, plus he has always grown a big garden and canned food. But I wouldn't trust his handwashing skills as well as dishwashing skills. The excuses the "kids" say is that Dad has built up resistance to "bugs" due to him eating stuff with Green on it. I don't buy it, of course. DH's family likes to joke things away, instead of facing facts. That is my constant battle with DH. I look maybe too much into the future and DH not enough. So I guess that's why we're good together, but it sure can bring on arguments or disagreements. Ugh...
My Psychologist as already said that since FIL is seeing two cars on the road and two airplanes in the sky, that dementia is setting in. Besides thinking that my piano bench was a table he made in woodshop in Junior High.
He does get embarrassed when he is found out about not taking a shower or building a small fire in the coal furnace or not ordering enough coal. He puts on a sheepish grin when he is found out.
Also, my Psychologist suggested that a Dr tell him he can't drive, well, we can't get him to the Dr. I might be able to, but I would have to make a 4 hour or more drive to do so. Even though hubby was there yesterday for two days. The sons just aren't tough enough to do this task, they won't even make their own Dr's appointments. Definitely won't take Dad unless he is deathly ill.They don't want to do the uncomfortable, such as telling their Dad he can't drive anymore. My sister in law is worried to death about him and sort of wishes something would happen. Even though she has the power to hire the Nurses Aids to come in and give him a shower or take him to the Dr or take the car keys away.
My Dr said other people have put a different key on the key ring so their father won't drive or they took something apart so the engine won't start. Very simple things...there are people in the community that can pick my FIL up to go to church or do his volunteer work. They probably don't want to sit by him though...P.U. Unfortunately, FIL smells bad, but at least he isn't dribbling urine. It is more body odor and wearing the same clothes.
I will have to write my sister in laws and tell them what I know, I guess, I haven't yet due to being ill and not feeling up to writing a carefully written letter of concern. I might get lambasted and I'll never hear the end of it. I have a lot of sister in laws. But the two main ones, are definitely outspoken and can get their hackles up. Yikes!
Tina, you are funny...so DH has white hair and pretty blue eyes! Cute! My mother was given morphine at the hospital after her devastating stroke where her frontal lobe was damaged. It was in her Living Will. So maybe DH won't have to do anything, the hospital will. I agree with J, your mind seems intact to me!
Paislee Re: Dear Diary
Paislee,
I'm just going to say what someone needs to tell your inlaws. Your fil might kill innocent people because he is driving.
He might burn down the house and put the firemen at risk of losing their lives.
They are being selfish and lazy to not face this head on!
He needs a diagnosis, not a family with their head in the sand.
Others could die because of their unreasonable nonsense.
Try that tact. Maybe the threat of a lawsuit from an innocent victim killed on the road will make them think twice.
I'm mad....
Love,
J.
I'm just going to say what someone needs to tell your inlaws. Your fil might kill innocent people because he is driving.
He might burn down the house and put the firemen at risk of losing their lives.
They are being selfish and lazy to not face this head on!
He needs a diagnosis, not a family with their head in the sand.
Others could die because of their unreasonable nonsense.
Try that tact. Maybe the threat of a lawsuit from an innocent victim killed on the road will make them think twice.
I'm mad....
Love,
J.
Re: Dear Diary
Dear Diary,
My daughter's former headmistress has retired, and the man that took her place posed the following question to his new children:
The Three Questions:
That is an age old question. One of his favorite answers was from Leo Tolstoy , who in 1885 wrote a short story titled "The Three Questions:
The main characters are a boy, a turtle, and a panda bear. The boy wonders what the answers are to his three questions.
When is the most important time?
Who is the most important person?
What is the right thing to do?
To get his answers he travels to the home of a wise old turtle. When he arrives, the turtle is working in her garden. It is very hot, and the work is very hard, and the turtle is working very slowly. The boy asks his questions, but instead of answering him, she kept working.
After awhile, the boy finally says, "let me do that for you" For the rest of the afternoon, the boy works, and the turtle rests.
Then the clouds fill the sky and the wind picks up. A big storm is coming.The boy stops his work and asks the turtle the three questions again. Still the turtle does not answer. She goes inside her house just as the storm intensifies with a driving rain and rushing winds. The boy hears a call. He listens and hears it again.
Someone is crying out for help. He runs through the rain toward the sound and finds the Panda Bear, whose leg is trapped under a fallen tree.
The boy frees the panda, picks it up and carries it to the turtles house.
He dries off the panda, bandages it's leg and all night he cares for the bear until he finally falls asleep.
When he wakes up the sun is shining, the bear is gone and the turtle is making him some breakfast.
The boy asks his questions one more time.
The turtle turns to him and says "you have already asked and answered your own questions."
"Yesterday, when you were with me, that was the most important time, and I was the most important person. Helping me in the garden was the most important thing for you to do." " But when the storm came and the Panda was in danger that was the most important time, and the Panda was the most important one. Helping the Panda was the most important thing to do."
Tolstoy's answers still are relevant, today.
Now is the most important time.
The person you are with RIGHT NOW is the most important person.
Helping the person you are with RIGHT NOW is the the most important thing to do.
The purpose of life is not knowledge itself, but action based on knowledge and based on empathy.
Now is the most important time.
The person you are with is the most important person.
Helping the person you are with is the most important thing to do.
Love,
Me.
My daughter's former headmistress has retired, and the man that took her place posed the following question to his new children:
The Three Questions:
That is an age old question. One of his favorite answers was from Leo Tolstoy , who in 1885 wrote a short story titled "The Three Questions:
The main characters are a boy, a turtle, and a panda bear. The boy wonders what the answers are to his three questions.
When is the most important time?
Who is the most important person?
What is the right thing to do?
To get his answers he travels to the home of a wise old turtle. When he arrives, the turtle is working in her garden. It is very hot, and the work is very hard, and the turtle is working very slowly. The boy asks his questions, but instead of answering him, she kept working.
After awhile, the boy finally says, "let me do that for you" For the rest of the afternoon, the boy works, and the turtle rests.
Then the clouds fill the sky and the wind picks up. A big storm is coming.The boy stops his work and asks the turtle the three questions again. Still the turtle does not answer. She goes inside her house just as the storm intensifies with a driving rain and rushing winds. The boy hears a call. He listens and hears it again.
Someone is crying out for help. He runs through the rain toward the sound and finds the Panda Bear, whose leg is trapped under a fallen tree.
The boy frees the panda, picks it up and carries it to the turtles house.
He dries off the panda, bandages it's leg and all night he cares for the bear until he finally falls asleep.
When he wakes up the sun is shining, the bear is gone and the turtle is making him some breakfast.
The boy asks his questions one more time.
The turtle turns to him and says "you have already asked and answered your own questions."
"Yesterday, when you were with me, that was the most important time, and I was the most important person. Helping me in the garden was the most important thing for you to do." " But when the storm came and the Panda was in danger that was the most important time, and the Panda was the most important one. Helping the Panda was the most important thing to do."
Tolstoy's answers still are relevant, today.
Now is the most important time.
The person you are with RIGHT NOW is the most important person.
Helping the person you are with RIGHT NOW is the the most important thing to do.
The purpose of life is not knowledge itself, but action based on knowledge and based on empathy.
Now is the most important time.
The person you are with is the most important person.
Helping the person you are with is the most important thing to do.
Love,
Me.
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Paisleegreen
- Posts: 1778
- Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:27 pm
Re: Dear Diary
J, I loved that story, I think I have heard it before, but not recently in the last 10 years or more.
I agree with everything you have said about FIL. The sisters know this and even talked to FIL about it. As my mother in law's sister was hit by an old man going on the exit ramp of the freeway and killed her Granddaughter and crippled her. The family knows this but will not do anything about it. I think they are torn with love for their Dad and wanting him to be happy or self sufficient or they are afraid of his wrath.
They have been programmed that when he puts up a fuss or yells they run or agree with him or leave home. Their mother was more the peacemaker and knew how to talk to the kids. I think his hearing has affected his conversation as well or poor social skills. Always a story teller or lecturer, but not one to notice the girls in the family as well as the boys. He did okay, but he has his habits and rituals. He always read and then would tell everyone about what he learned but was forgetful and would tell the story over and over again to anyone that came to visit.
Maybe I can contact the other sisters that don't live in town. Trying to get my husband to do anything is not working as he is in denial or chicken and is a lot like his Dad, Ugh. Paislee
I agree with everything you have said about FIL. The sisters know this and even talked to FIL about it. As my mother in law's sister was hit by an old man going on the exit ramp of the freeway and killed her Granddaughter and crippled her. The family knows this but will not do anything about it. I think they are torn with love for their Dad and wanting him to be happy or self sufficient or they are afraid of his wrath.
They have been programmed that when he puts up a fuss or yells they run or agree with him or leave home. Their mother was more the peacemaker and knew how to talk to the kids. I think his hearing has affected his conversation as well or poor social skills. Always a story teller or lecturer, but not one to notice the girls in the family as well as the boys. He did okay, but he has his habits and rituals. He always read and then would tell everyone about what he learned but was forgetful and would tell the story over and over again to anyone that came to visit.
Maybe I can contact the other sisters that don't live in town. Trying to get my husband to do anything is not working as he is in denial or chicken and is a lot like his Dad, Ugh. Paislee
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tina martin
- Posts: 792
- Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2010 9:24 pm
Re: Dear Diary
Tolstoy, the writer of writers, thinker of thinkers. When it comes to literature, the Russians generally have it. Yes, someone needs to take charge of FiL. It is stunning to see the kind of power parents can continue to exert.
But I did not make myself clear: I am not going to any hospital. I know what happened to my brother as he followed the protocol: doctors, tests, medications, hospitals, rehabs, again and again. What happened to him? He turned into a permanent patient and invalid and now the mind is going. I either make it on my own, or I go on my own. So my question is: where will DH get morphine or whatever else there is? I've given him this assignment. He winks at me. But he knows: no 911, no ER, no doctor, no hospital. I've lived much longer than I ever thought I would. That mind business is developing. Must I make it to some horrifying ending robbed of my dignity, degraded, humiliated? I have a note in my purse: Don't call 911, call DH at ...........He's ready to get me, so I have instructed.
On a cheerier note, am off to treadmill, to meditate. Am teaching him Tai Chi. He gives his own names to movements: Tiger chases Bunny and the like.
But I did not make myself clear: I am not going to any hospital. I know what happened to my brother as he followed the protocol: doctors, tests, medications, hospitals, rehabs, again and again. What happened to him? He turned into a permanent patient and invalid and now the mind is going. I either make it on my own, or I go on my own. So my question is: where will DH get morphine or whatever else there is? I've given him this assignment. He winks at me. But he knows: no 911, no ER, no doctor, no hospital. I've lived much longer than I ever thought I would. That mind business is developing. Must I make it to some horrifying ending robbed of my dignity, degraded, humiliated? I have a note in my purse: Don't call 911, call DH at ...........He's ready to get me, so I have instructed.
On a cheerier note, am off to treadmill, to meditate. Am teaching him Tai Chi. He gives his own names to movements: Tiger chases Bunny and the like.
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Paisleegreen
- Posts: 1778
- Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:27 pm
Re: Dear Diary
Tina, very funny about DH naming your moves to Tai Chi! 
Well, when my mother ended up in the hospital with morphine, she suffered a massive stroke to her frontal lobe and throat. She could no longer swallow or talk. It was not a pretty picture watching her continue to breathe and was not capable of letting us know what she was feeling except for the louder groans that the nurses knew were for more Morphine. They would up it.
So I think she was lucky that her hospital stay only lasted 10 days. They at first were going to put a feeding tube in her, but the Living Will said not to extend her life by artificial means.Due to her being so healthy or determined she lasted that long, the nurses were amazed.
I'm not sure if my FIL has that much power over the children or the children are passive. Maybe they don't want to be bothered by Dad to run his errands or to have him sit in their vehicle. My SIL could only stand to drive my FIL a one way trip to our place. She wanted DH to take him back home after a family get together. She went home earlier due to her job and knew that DH could take him back. But she planned it that way as a deal to bring FIL over.
I don't blame her, she is the main daughter that deals with him almost on a daily basis and worries about him. She works full time and her adult son and husband go over and help out as well. So she is carrying a lot of burden. Now the other sister that lives close by reminds FIL of his late wife.
What was interesting is that DH brought home some yummy Chinese food from a restaurant and put in in FIL's fridge. When he woke up, it was gone as well as FIL and found out that he found the food along with the hot mustard, (which he threw out) and took the food over to the other daughter's house and they enjoyed the meal. Almost like he was treating his wife to some dinner in the morning. 
This daughter sews and acts a lot like his late wife, so I think he gets a bit confused.
So I think he is basically lonely and the one daughter is out of the home working while the other works at home and has a couple of children, one is a teenager and the other a preschooler. The little one came as a surprise, a miracle sort of.
I guess they have the same thinking as you, Tina, don't take him to the Dr to fix him to live longer as he always says he is going to "move on" this year, maybe after his birthday. But I hope he hangs on for a big family reunion of his brothers and sister that are still alive. That happens in 2 months, his birthday is next month and that is when he has decided he is going to live that long. Whether that is a confirmation from "above" or just him talking. Paislee
Well, when my mother ended up in the hospital with morphine, she suffered a massive stroke to her frontal lobe and throat. She could no longer swallow or talk. It was not a pretty picture watching her continue to breathe and was not capable of letting us know what she was feeling except for the louder groans that the nurses knew were for more Morphine. They would up it. So I think she was lucky that her hospital stay only lasted 10 days. They at first were going to put a feeding tube in her, but the Living Will said not to extend her life by artificial means.Due to her being so healthy or determined she lasted that long, the nurses were amazed.
I'm not sure if my FIL has that much power over the children or the children are passive. Maybe they don't want to be bothered by Dad to run his errands or to have him sit in their vehicle. My SIL could only stand to drive my FIL a one way trip to our place. She wanted DH to take him back home after a family get together. She went home earlier due to her job and knew that DH could take him back. But she planned it that way as a deal to bring FIL over.
I don't blame her, she is the main daughter that deals with him almost on a daily basis and worries about him. She works full time and her adult son and husband go over and help out as well. So she is carrying a lot of burden. Now the other sister that lives close by reminds FIL of his late wife.
What was interesting is that DH brought home some yummy Chinese food from a restaurant and put in in FIL's fridge. When he woke up, it was gone as well as FIL and found out that he found the food along with the hot mustard, (which he threw out) and took the food over to the other daughter's house and they enjoyed the meal. Almost like he was treating his wife to some dinner in the morning. This daughter sews and acts a lot like his late wife, so I think he gets a bit confused. So I think he is basically lonely and the one daughter is out of the home working while the other works at home and has a couple of children, one is a teenager and the other a preschooler. The little one came as a surprise, a miracle sort of.
I guess they have the same thinking as you, Tina, don't take him to the Dr to fix him to live longer as he always says he is going to "move on" this year, maybe after his birthday. But I hope he hangs on for a big family reunion of his brothers and sister that are still alive. That happens in 2 months, his birthday is next month and that is when he has decided he is going to live that long. Whether that is a confirmation from "above" or just him talking.
PaisleeRe: Dear Diary
Paislee,
Out of respect for Tina I will bow out of this conversation, as I don't want to upset her any more then she is, because of her brother.
I will simply say advanced stage patients with frontal lobe dementia need round the clock care, either at home or at a nursing home.
Family members are not properly trained or prepared for this type of care. Also, the average life Span after this diagnosis is 7 years.
This is a marathon, not a sprint, and loved ones must pace themselves.
I disagree and feel a diagnosis is essential for proper planning for the family, what to expect, etc.
Love,
J.
PS
Off to volunteer today.
Have a great day everyone.
PPS
Where can R. Be hiding...
Out of respect for Tina I will bow out of this conversation, as I don't want to upset her any more then she is, because of her brother.
I will simply say advanced stage patients with frontal lobe dementia need round the clock care, either at home or at a nursing home.
Family members are not properly trained or prepared for this type of care. Also, the average life Span after this diagnosis is 7 years.
This is a marathon, not a sprint, and loved ones must pace themselves.
I disagree and feel a diagnosis is essential for proper planning for the family, what to expect, etc.
Love,
J.
PS
Off to volunteer today.
Have a great day everyone.
PPS
Where can R. Be hiding...
Re: Dear Diary
Dear diary,
My name is J. And I'm an enabler.
Love,
Me.
My name is J. And I'm an enabler.
Love,
Me.
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tina martin
- Posts: 792
- Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2010 9:24 pm
Re: Dear Diary
Hi J, I don't get it. Read his blog and all I can think of is the movie Days of Wine and Roses. If I remember correctly, he drinks and wife joins in. She, who is not the drinker, should have stopped him. Instead, she joins him. She is the enabler, I suppose. Is that right? Where do you fit in, or is this between you and Diary? Of course, you need not address anything. Just wondering.