Help, my controlling issues pushed my boyfriend away
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angela chriss
- Posts: 39
- Joined: Tue Nov 27, 2007 12:25 am
my boyfriend, finally called it quits with me after 2yrs. says that my controlling ways.. he cant take anymore. my selfishness, lack of compassion, my constant worries, of him leaving.. finally left. this is not the first time hes left. and my promises of changing hasnt changed much. if things dont go my way. i get upset. if i want him home, i get upset. if hes not back in time he says, i get upset. i want the day to go my way.. and if they dont. im upset. i let all the little things get to me. and my constant negative attitude is a burden on him my family, and me. I need to change. and i need to learn to deal with patience. why do i do these things. i hate this about me. im a sweetheart to everyone. including my x-bf. thats why he was with me for 2yrs. i dont like him being my punching bag. and i dont blame him for leaving me. i love him so much, and i would love to be with him. i want to spend my life with him. HOW DO I WORK ON MY CONTROL ISSUES. AND LEARN TO ACCEPT LIFE THE WAY IT IS? i NEED HELP.. please anyone give me some feedback..or let me know which session it is?
"when u know better, u do better"
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Guest
Hey,
Sounds like you need to let go,just have to say," forget about it",who cares,let things happen.I've seen so many people try to control how their mates should act,feel,and think and I've decided for myself to not be around couples like that,it's aggravating to see the battle back and forth.It's a great waste of time and effort.The end result as you have seen is the other person walking away in frustration.I think,the best thing that works for me ,is not to react or comment on a situation until I have all of the facts and some time to think about it.Sit down with a piece of paper and right down the actual concerns that you have ,"Pro's and cons "I like to call it!Are they a valid concern or are you over reacting ,overly sensitive to the situation ?On the other hand some people like to control by making you think that your always over reacting so they can walk all over you !It may help as well to take feelings out of the equation,step back assess,put yourself in the other person's shoes,put them in your shoes and so on.Don't over analyze or obsess over the situation,but step back and take a good evaluation of things and if you are going to have to talk about things it should get done in a calm step by step manner without the blame game stuff.When you really take a good look at life there are very little things you have control over anyway !!!!!
Hope this helps !!!!!!!
Sounds like you need to let go,just have to say," forget about it",who cares,let things happen.I've seen so many people try to control how their mates should act,feel,and think and I've decided for myself to not be around couples like that,it's aggravating to see the battle back and forth.It's a great waste of time and effort.The end result as you have seen is the other person walking away in frustration.I think,the best thing that works for me ,is not to react or comment on a situation until I have all of the facts and some time to think about it.Sit down with a piece of paper and right down the actual concerns that you have ,"Pro's and cons "I like to call it!Are they a valid concern or are you over reacting ,overly sensitive to the situation ?On the other hand some people like to control by making you think that your always over reacting so they can walk all over you !It may help as well to take feelings out of the equation,step back assess,put yourself in the other person's shoes,put them in your shoes and so on.Don't over analyze or obsess over the situation,but step back and take a good evaluation of things and if you are going to have to talk about things it should get done in a calm step by step manner without the blame game stuff.When you really take a good look at life there are very little things you have control over anyway !!!!!
Hope this helps !!!!!!!
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Guest
That's great advice Sitnspin. I have the same concern about pushing my boyfriend away but he's been a wonderful sport. He's told me he feels like I'm trying to put him in a box. Not good. But he knows about my anxiety and my past and he's been very understanding in trying to help me. But I'm always afraid he'll find someone more sane. My worst anxiety revolves around my relationship. I make myself really sick over him. So I'm trying really hard and the program has been helping me alot.
Angela, I hope you can work on urself and that u and ur x can work things out. Good luck.
Angela, I hope you can work on urself and that u and ur x can work things out. Good luck.