New Member...please help

Mickeysmom · Post by **Mickeysmom** » Wed Apr 09, 2008 4:49 am

Hi,

I am new to the forum, but not new to the program. I have had anxiety literally my whole life, I remember having anxiety attacks as young as nine years old. I was diagnosed with OCD at 16 and did really well with CBT. AS a matter of fact, I can say that with the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy I was 95% better. In 2006 I had my first Daughter

, who is the love of my life. I had no post partum and bounced back very quickly. Anyhow, I tenmd to think I'm superwoman, lol and went back to work 9 weeks after she was born, taking care of a newborn, my Husband, house and I guess trying to be perfect at everything. To make a long story short...I took a very stressful job about 4 months ago, telecommute two days a week where I am playing with my Daughter all day as I'm on the phone with clients, etc...spend the other three days in the office...blah, blah, blah. I have NEVER had depression and am not sure if that is what this is or not, but I feel VERY flat, numb, like I can't think and like everything has slowed down. It ois scaring the crap out of me, I'm just waiting to have a breakdown and be sitting in the corner staring. I resigned from my job, my last day is next Wedneday. I'm am goingto take some time off take a few classes and spend time with my Daughter. I am worrying that I'm bipolar, or sriously am going to have a breakdown?? I'd rather have the anxiety then feel like this. I kept telling everyone I needed a break, and received very little help from anybody. Could it be exhaustion? I do drink three-four light beers at night after my Daughter goes to sleep to relax at the end of the day. I feel like my life is a marathon and I am just being dragged along for the ride?

Thank you for any advice you can give

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Apr 09, 2008 5:06 am

Hello Mickeysmom.

Have you finished the program? If so, this could be what Lucinda calls a "growth spurt", or a "setback". Go back to the program, to the chapters that you need help with. Start listening to the relaxation tapes as often as possible, but no less than 3 hours apart. Make sure that you don't forget to journal. Change those negative thoughts. Also get a seperate jornal for "free-flowing". I call it free-flowing when you just jornal, not concentrating on what you're writing. Just write whatever comes to mind. A lot of time there a "triggers" that set us back. It could be something we say to ourselves negatively that scares us, it could be something someone else is saying to us, it could be something we see on T.V., or it could be some kind of "should" we have from someone else. This kind of journaling will help you identify those triggers, so that you can turn them around.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Apr 09, 2008 5:47 am

Deedee,

Thank you so much for your reply, I appreciate it. Do you think this is some kind of depression then? I am really scared, I keep having visions of myself sitting in the corner staring into space, numb. I have never felt like this before. It is as if my brain has completely slowed down, and I'm afraid it is going to shut down or cause a breakdown. I did finish the program, but it was a long time ago, and I haven't needed it in years, my only problem was unwinding at night, but I was fine all day. I know it is not healthy to have a few drinks at night and I was working at stopping that, but I'm just in such a slump or something now.

Thank You

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Apr 09, 2008 6:01 am

Hi Mickeysmom.

I think it's anxiety with a little depression. Both anxiety and depression can cause the feelings that you are experiencing. You don't sound bi-polar to me. You sound like you are over worked and mentally stressed out. That "brain" thing use to frighten me too. Don't let it scare you. Relax, see it for what it is (just anxiety), distract yourself by doing something you enjoy or something like housework that will force you to focus on only one thing at a time. Use the relaxation tape and journal out all of that stress. And most of all, DON'T LET IT SCARE YOU! It can't hurt you and fear only makes things worse. You know you're okay. If you catch yourself right away, it won't last long.

JudieM13 · Post by **JudieM13** » Wed Apr 09, 2008 6:12 am

Hi Deedee,

Thanks

. That made me feel better. I am very stressed out...I don't know if housework is the cure though,it's not necessarily my favorite thing, LOL! I get what you're saying though...I need to focus on one thing and specifically take care of one thing at a time. I am sooo thrilled my last day is next wednesday with this job. At one point I was answering 40 e-mails, and 20-30 phone calls daily, all while trying to play with my two year old (who is going through the terrible two's, lol) . I have never been so worn down in my life. Maybe my brain is just protecting itself right now, if that makes any sense. It's a way of telling me to relax. I soo thought I was done with this anxiety stuff though, I feel like I'm starting over. Well, I'm looking forward to getting to know you all. I'm going to pull my program back out and start journaling again.

Thanks again for taking the time to respond, your words really did help.

Holly

Paula+1 · Post by **Paula+1** » Wed Apr 09, 2008 6:31 am

Hey Mickeysmom.

No wonder you're stressed out. You've been working hard. Don't feel bad about starting over. We all have to until we get it right. Sometimes we just need to learn to use our tools better, especially the positive thinking.

You are on your way, woman. Stay calm, and be the wonderful, courageous woman that you are!

Bryan De · Post by **Bryan De** » Wed Apr 09, 2008 5:03 pm

Mickeysmom, Don't feel bad at all about starting over. Seems I'm having to do it over and over. I'm now doing the spiritual workbook from StressCenter.com. Start right away and like deedee said be sure to do the relaxation CD. Hmmm...I haven't been journaling. I should have done that today. Maybe writing all the things that are bothering me and just getting them on paper will help. Thanks dedee!

Hey, did that post get deleted (you know what I'm talking about)I couldn't find it.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Apr 12, 2008 1:23 am

Hi Barb.

I don't know. I couldn't find it either. Maybe that's a good thing.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Apr 12, 2008 2:06 am

Dear Mickey's Mom,

I have been battling depression for about 2 years now. Before I was always upbeat but now I am numb and it is almost impossible to concentrate. I feel that I an detached from my prior self.

I lossed my job two years ago but have been in my current position for a year now. When I was layed off, my wife and I were building a new house and were pursuing adoption. A year later after being layed off, I found a job and we were blessed with our son Jack. Also, I have been estranged from my parents for over a year because of the comments they have said about our little boy.

They said, are you sure you want to do this? Is the baby healthy? Does it (they didn't say Jack) have any problems)? Well, I guess you can give him back in six months if it doesn't workout

. The six months period is when the adoption would be final. Our son was born and his birthmother had him wisked away to the nursery about two minutes after he was born. But looking on the brightside of things, God sent him to us and he is a miracle.

I have not spoken with my parents in over a year and that is OK!!! I am getting better everyday!!

Hang in there, I have started having better days than bad. I know that stress is also a big contributor to depression. A friend of mine told me onetime this "IT IS ALL ABOUT SELFPRESERVATION".

Enjoy your husband, and daughter. Take Care and if you would like to chat privately, please let me know!!

Anxiety Dominated

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Apr 13, 2008 12:48 pm

i just spoke to my coach for the fitst time and knowing this is my last chance i am petrified. major depression, bpd, agoraphobia i need support, a friend here. no motivation, energy, poor physical hygiene. pls someone help me phyllis