Separating "I can't" from "I don't want to"

cole2458 · Post by **cole2458** » Mon Aug 11, 2008 7:08 am

I'm really having trouble with this. I'm 19 and agoraphobic, don't drive and rely on my mom as my safe person. She insists I go along on every errand, every outing, because "the more you do things the easier it'll be". Sometimes though I just really don't WANT to go to the grocery store. But then I start panic-thinking "do I not want to go because I'm scared or because I just don't feel like going?" I feel like if it's because I'm scared I should go anyway to face my fear, but how can I tell? Should I just go along all the time just to be sure even though I may not feel like it? I've been anxious and uncomfortable for so long that I sometimes forget what it's like to WANT to do something and not just feel like I have to in order to get over my fear of it. Anyone relate?

proud mama · Post by **proud mama** » Mon Aug 11, 2008 8:19 am

Oh yes i can totally relate except that im 22 and i depend on my fiance and mom. And that i have two children. I have been agoraphobic last year in June but got out of it in September. Now im back since March. It does totally suck. I fear medications but now i have been suffering way to long so if it can help then im willing to take them. There are so many times i just dont feel like going out. I thought maybe its just cuz my anxiety and depression makes me to darn lazy to want to do anything. The farthest i can go away from home is 4 minutes. If i tend to go further then my anxious felings goes up to a panic.

Well i hope this helped a little....You are not alone in this.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Aug 11, 2008 9:04 am

I also sometimes come across the same problem. I too suffer from being agoraphobic. I deal with it on and off. I am my only safe person, I don't really trust anyone else except my boyfriend sometimes. It def. sucks. Sometimes I am too lazy to do something and sometimes I am afraid. It sucks when you always have to question yourself and question the situation.

I would say it's o.k. to know want to go to the grocery store sometimes just as long as it's not a habit. If the last 5 times your mom went to the grocery store and you went all but once, I'd say that's o.k. It's o.k. not to want to do something. Give yourself permission once in awhile not to go somewhere. Hope it helps to know you're not alone.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Aug 11, 2008 9:20 am

Cole
Hi I too have been in similiar situations. I was agoraphobic too, but am doing much better now do to this program and God ofcourse. You do have to keep pushing yourself to do things, or your world gets smaller and smaller, and I know you really don't want to hear this but your mother is right. The more we do things, the easier it is. But too it would be good for you to stay at home without her. Not be with her all the time.Just don't quite going with her entirely. On occassion I don't see that it would hurt for you to stay home. You keep working this program and you will be amazed at your progress. It has been the answer for me. It is wonderful. I wish you the very best. It takes time but now I am able to go and do things on my own and I actually enjoy it. Hang in there you can do this.
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