I've been through it once before but it was a sort of half a$$ed effort as I find it difficult sticking to anything.
But anyway I’m 28 now and have had anxiety since I was 16, I recon its caused because of years of built up anger, It started when I was 16 and got bullied, then got cheated on twice by 2 girlfriends, not to mention getting seriously beaten up just for being in the wrong place at the wrong time in front of a large crowd and they all laughed. It has left me having a permanent chip on my shoulder, I hate people in general, I am grumpy and like a ticking time bomb, I hate being anywhere near people, even though I am married I spend most of the time by myself, I don’t even have the patience for my children. Lucinda says in one of the tapes she thought she was a happy person and could cheerlead anyone. I know I am a grumpy depressed person.
I have been to doctors, who have diagnosed Social and generalised Anxiety, now I thought social anxiety was a fear of people and social situations? I am not scared I just hate people and social situation. Another Psychologist diagnosed “Agoraphobic avoidance without fear” which apparently is very rare.
I just don’t know what to do? I mean this is serious built up anger I recon and its been turned inwards and is making me ill.
Any advice very much appreciated
Can this program alone cure my problems?
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Guest
Hi Celeron. Besides my phobia and anxiety and agorophobia that I have lol I would have to say I am a lot like you. I generally just really really dislike people in person. I don't care to meet anyone new and also because of past relationships I have had where men have treated me like crap and cheated on me I hold a grudge and anger about it, and I just don't trust anyone. That along with my other problems makes it very hard for me to make or keep any relationship. I also find it difficult to stick to certain things, but I am determined to get through this freaking program! And I am going to try my hardest. I know I am like this like you know you are, but I want to get over it because it doesn't make me feel good to feel this way. I want to be happy and like meeting new people and being around people. I just want to enjoy life and not be angry or annoyed constantly by other people and things. I can't even stand my parents 99 percent of the time, and that really kills me because they won't be around for even another 20 to 30 years and I want to at least feel like I'm not mad at them everytime they talk to me, I don't even know why I get like that I am just angry and annoyed a lot.
I think what made me really start to dislike people and being out in public besides my fear of getting sick was that I, starting in 8th grade developed what we would call a "vuluptous" body. All througout junior high and high school boys would stare and make comments constantly. It made me feel horrible and embarassed. I hated going to school everyday, so much that I did whatever I could and graduated a year early to get the heck out of there.
But you know I think it's a good thing that we recognize we are this way. In my opinion I wouldn't define social anxiety as just a fear of people and situations, I would say what you have is a type of social anxiety or just a general anxiety. Our anger and built up rage and depression and frustration leads to stress and anxiety. They feed each other. The way it is making you feel (ill on the inside) I would think is anxiety, but I could be wrong.
I think you doing or trying the program is a good step. It might be hard to stick to but if you really don't want to feel this way anymore, I know I don't, then you're just going to have to force yourself, suck it up, and do it. I make myself focus on this program everyday even if I get frustrated at myself or annoyed with the program. I do think this program is the answer for a lot of problems, because our problems are coming from the way we taught ourselves to think. We are in a cycle of bad habits that we need to break, and they teach you how to do it. You might not be completely cured by the end of the program, but I bet anything your life will change and improve in different areas. And it can only get better from there if you stick to it.
I hope this helped somewhat. I completely know how you feel though and I know it doesn't feel good. Good luck with everything.
I think what made me really start to dislike people and being out in public besides my fear of getting sick was that I, starting in 8th grade developed what we would call a "vuluptous" body. All througout junior high and high school boys would stare and make comments constantly. It made me feel horrible and embarassed. I hated going to school everyday, so much that I did whatever I could and graduated a year early to get the heck out of there.
But you know I think it's a good thing that we recognize we are this way. In my opinion I wouldn't define social anxiety as just a fear of people and situations, I would say what you have is a type of social anxiety or just a general anxiety. Our anger and built up rage and depression and frustration leads to stress and anxiety. They feed each other. The way it is making you feel (ill on the inside) I would think is anxiety, but I could be wrong.
I think you doing or trying the program is a good step. It might be hard to stick to but if you really don't want to feel this way anymore, I know I don't, then you're just going to have to force yourself, suck it up, and do it. I make myself focus on this program everyday even if I get frustrated at myself or annoyed with the program. I do think this program is the answer for a lot of problems, because our problems are coming from the way we taught ourselves to think. We are in a cycle of bad habits that we need to break, and they teach you how to do it. You might not be completely cured by the end of the program, but I bet anything your life will change and improve in different areas. And it can only get better from there if you stick to it.
I hope this helped somewhat. I completely know how you feel though and I know it doesn't feel good. Good luck with everything.
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Carolyn Dickman
- Posts: 264
- Joined: Tue Jun 28, 2005 3:00 am
Hey grumpy,
I could understand how you came to hate other people, you had some tough challenges. Now really think about it, it's more the way others have treated you that you hate. Maybe when your around other people you become defensive because you don't trust them. I know it may sound crazy but have you ever tried to pretend your happy? You've heard it before I'm sure but "you have to change the way you think".
To answer the question in regards to the program; It's not the only form of help out there however, how bad you want to change will determine how much time you spend on the program-it does work. Now get to work grumpy,I hope you don't hate me for my honesty.
I could understand how you came to hate other people, you had some tough challenges. Now really think about it, it's more the way others have treated you that you hate. Maybe when your around other people you become defensive because you don't trust them. I know it may sound crazy but have you ever tried to pretend your happy? You've heard it before I'm sure but "you have to change the way you think".
To answer the question in regards to the program; It's not the only form of help out there however, how bad you want to change will determine how much time you spend on the program-it does work. Now get to work grumpy,I hope you don't hate me for my honesty.
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Guest
Hi celeron,
I can't anwser your question. A good psychologist or other therapist may be in order for you. Have you obtained any books on anger and forgiveness? It sounds like these are two major issues for you. I know that anger got the best of me as a result of how I was treated by my sister in law when my parents died.
Anger is a legitimate emotion which arises when we are disrespected. It sounds like you had legitimate reasons for being angry when bad things happened to you, but it is at that time that we need to address the disrespect by either being assertive and addressing those who have crossed our boundaries, or let it go. Continuing to be angry beyond that becomes bitterness which becomes a poison inside of us. We are angry and want justice, but without expressing this to the offenders or letting it go the anger poisons us, not the offenders. It's like us drinking poison and expecting the offenders to suffer.
I know this is very painful. Please take the steps you need to to heal. Either address the offenders, even if it was 20 years ago, or seek to forgive and let it go. Forgiveness is a gift we give to ourselves as well as others. It releases the poison inside of us. Good luck to you. You are capable of taking care of this and healing. But it may be you need more insight and understanding than what the program provides. Only you can determine that.
I can't anwser your question. A good psychologist or other therapist may be in order for you. Have you obtained any books on anger and forgiveness? It sounds like these are two major issues for you. I know that anger got the best of me as a result of how I was treated by my sister in law when my parents died.
Anger is a legitimate emotion which arises when we are disrespected. It sounds like you had legitimate reasons for being angry when bad things happened to you, but it is at that time that we need to address the disrespect by either being assertive and addressing those who have crossed our boundaries, or let it go. Continuing to be angry beyond that becomes bitterness which becomes a poison inside of us. We are angry and want justice, but without expressing this to the offenders or letting it go the anger poisons us, not the offenders. It's like us drinking poison and expecting the offenders to suffer.
I know this is very painful. Please take the steps you need to to heal. Either address the offenders, even if it was 20 years ago, or seek to forgive and let it go. Forgiveness is a gift we give to ourselves as well as others. It releases the poison inside of us. Good luck to you. You are capable of taking care of this and healing. But it may be you need more insight and understanding than what the program provides. Only you can determine that.
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Guest
Hi
I wish I was not angry either...I think I've been hurt so much in the past by my relationships with the opposite sex, that this time I didn't want to hurt, so my mind decided to be angry instead. The anger has gotten me nowhere. The hurt wasn't as bad, but it was still there...the problem is that now I have other issues to deal with because of the anger including a hard heart. I am new to this forum...but I know the right answer is to forgive and just go on and accept it as something that happened and can't be changed. Only we can change how we deal with things..we can't change what has happened to us. Good luck to you.
I wish I was not angry either...I think I've been hurt so much in the past by my relationships with the opposite sex, that this time I didn't want to hurt, so my mind decided to be angry instead. The anger has gotten me nowhere. The hurt wasn't as bad, but it was still there...the problem is that now I have other issues to deal with because of the anger including a hard heart. I am new to this forum...but I know the right answer is to forgive and just go on and accept it as something that happened and can't be changed. Only we can change how we deal with things..we can't change what has happened to us. Good luck to you.
"Come to me, all who are tired from carrying heavy loads, and I will give you rest. (Matthew 11:28)"
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Guest
Thanks for that, and that is so true.Originally posted by Sad1:
Hi
I wish I was not angry either...I think I've been hurt so much in the past by my relationships with the opposite sex, that this time I didn't want to hurt, so my mind decided to be angry instead. The anger has gotten me nowhere. The hurt wasn't as bad, but it was still there...the problem is that now I have other issues to deal with because of the anger including a hard heart. I am new to this forum...but I know the right answer is to forgive and just go on and accept it as something that happened and can't be changed. Only we can change how we deal with things..we can't change what has happened to us. Good luck to you.