Need to do some leaning...

bevhembree · Post by **bevhembree** » Sat Apr 05, 2008 1:50 pm

My husband sent my in here to write a request to all of you for your support, prayers and thoughts. The glimmer is gone from my eyes. We have been paying for me (and for him to be there for me) through this. It's hard- I want to push everyone away and pretend it'll be all right, but my mood spirals down even more. He said you all always make me feel better. (Big Smile).
I wish I could put my finger on what started this, so I could talk it through. We had a death in the family this week. I had my first migraine in 3 months. I turned a year older yesterday (crappy, crappy, crappy). He gt a job offer 5 hours from here and from my son and my husband's family. Been up late a few nights. My sister in law is getting on my last nerve for some reason. Everything she does irritates me, but she's a really good person. It's just kinda like I'm worn down and that's when the down thoughts come rushing in.
I feel better already just getting it off my chest. Maybe I need to rant some more- lol.
My husband bought me a Bible for my birthday and I went to highlighting in it. It was so special b/c the last one I got was 30 years ago on my First Communion. The highlighter bled through to the opposite page, and I just wanted to scream b/c it wasn't "perfect" anymore. The OCD is kicking in too. I burnt 2 batches of homemade banana pudding this week and was telling my sis in law that I needed a double boiler. When my mom in law asked if I needed anything from Granny's kitchen (she passed on), I told I'd love a double boiler if she had one. Guess who already got it????? Oh, I'm so petty right now. I don't think my heart is in the right place right now and that's a lot of why I feel so convicted and grumpy.
So, I'll close for now and spare you all the rest. I'll keep praying and now that God will bring my through this in His own time. Thanks a million for listening. Bev

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Apr 05, 2008 4:34 pm

I read your post tonight and just wanted to say that I hope by tomorrow you are feeling at least a little better. It sounds like you have a very supportive husband.- How lucky you are for that. It may have been the death in your family that triggered some of this. I know for me it always does.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Apr 06, 2008 3:11 am

I'm praying that this morning you are feeling better. It does help to talk it out/rant. I feel for you. I am happy to hear your spouse is supportive. Mine has been patient and supportive of me too.

Some small advice.... Besides coming onto this forum, one thing that ALWAYS makes me feel better when I am feeling anxious/panicky/overwhelmed is exercise. Maybe try taking a quiet walk to calm your mind and body. I really like to rollerblade. The exercise focuses my mind and body on nothing but the effort to keep going and the beauty at what I see when I'm doing it. The exercise takes away my "what ifs", body aches, and negative thoughts.

God bless. Hope are better today!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Apr 06, 2008 2:37 pm

Excellent idea about exercising. I just need to make the time. I have exercised before and love the point where you are sweating it all it. I'd love to have a bag to beat up on and get my frustrations out. Thanks for your help.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Apr 06, 2008 3:22 pm

It's going to be ok. Even though you say you are tired, you are very obviously trying to keep anxiety/depression in check. I know that others would tell me to feel however you need to feel, don't fight it, just be who you need to be right now and love yourself anyway.

Keep things around that bring you comfort -- books you like to read, music that makes you feel good. We are all praying for you. Use your skills and come here whenever you need a reminder that you are strong, courageous and capable.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Apr 06, 2008 3:30 pm

I will say a prey for you!! I know those kind of days and feelings, I hope you are feeling better. I echo the exercise comment. It definitely helps

Lichen · Post by **Lichen** » Sun Apr 06, 2008 3:34 pm

I feel the same way you do. It is dark and cold and I feel like even God has abandoned me. Thoughts are scary. My fiancee encouraged me to talk to God (neither of us are church goers and we don't really "believe") but he suggested to just start talking out loud, asking for help. I went running today, 2.7 miles, and felt a little lifted. I did a little of the "talking" just now. I feel a little better but still on the edge. Try these things and remember you're not alone in the dark even though you can't see the rest of us in here.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Apr 06, 2008 3:54 pm

Hi bev.

Happy birthday. You have a good husband. I also think the death in the family has caused your setback. Pull out the program and listen to the cds on depression. Give yourself time to heal and know that it's okay and normal to feel depressed at times like this. There's probably a lot of confusing thoughts going on in your head. Let them happen; don't fight them. Find things that usually give you joy and do them, even if you have to force yourself to do them, just to put something else on your mind to replace some of those negative, depressing thoughts. Bev, you'll be fine. Remember "Time heals all wounds".

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Apr 06, 2008 4:04 pm

DeeDee,
You're right. This all will pass. Thanks a bunch.
Bev

~*schnauzermom*~ · Post by **~*schnauzermom*~** » Sun Apr 06, 2008 4:09 pm

Wow sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Go easy on yourself. The death in the family would certainly stir up tough feelings. Funny thing when you talked about the highlighting getting on the other page I was thinking oh-no! LOL...Great (Perfectionistic) minds think alike. When I felt frustrated and wanted to punch pillows, punching bags etc. my counselor suggested to buy a bag of ice. Take it outside and throw the ice cube pieces on the ground (they can represent anything or anyone you want) they'll shatter, i'll feel better and I won't have to clean them up, they'll melt. I loved it. I hope today is a better day. Hang in there. The brook would lose it's song if you took away the rocks. Think of it as you are in training to help someone else down the road. God Bless You