Fear of dying
So I've always had a fear of death, it's always been the one thing that all my other fears revolved around. It doesn't matter if I think of it as happening soon or when I'm 100, it has always scared me and made me anxious since I was a little girl. After my dad died when I was very young and watching my mom go through cancer knowing the odds weren't good it just made it worse. I have been doing pretty well but all of a sudden this past month I am starting to freak out again and I can't calm myself down. I feel like my body is completely breaking down on me. I've had the flu twice last month and I never get sick, I still have the cough. I keep getting an allergic skin reaction to something and I can't figure out what it is but of course that automatically makes me feel like it's a big deal and feel my throat tightening and my tongue swelling (which it's not), my skin has been horrible and I've never had a problem with it, my stomach always hurts, and there's a whole host of other small things that combined with my usual anxiety is making me not only more paranoid but dizzy and nauseous all the time. I try to talk myself down and tell myself that it's just my anxiety making me feel like I am on deaths door and that any moment I am just going to drop but with all the actual real physical symptoms it's so much more difficult for me to do that. At least when I go to a store and get dizzy I can tell myself that it's all in my head. I just feel like I absolutely without a doubt know something is horribly wrong with me and I don't have much time left, even though I am sure (or at least hoping), that it's all from my anxiety. Anyone ever been through something similar and how do you cope? I can't sleep at night anymore because I lie awake waiting for it to happen, I actually had to remove the nyquil from my house because I needed it to sleep even after my flu went away. I've seen so many different therapists and have tried so many anxiety meds but nothing seems to work and I'm scared not only about the things I am anxious about but that I am never going to get better. I've been dealing with this since I was 9 and it feels like it's just getting worse. I can't go anywhere because I am always scared something terrible is going to happen, I don't drive because it decreases my chances of getting hurt, I can't even take my kids out to eat at McDonalds anymore or stop at my bank for fear that something will happen to me. I've tried telling myself that everyone dies eventually and not living my life or being scared all the time won't change that but it doesn't do any good. Not to mention I have all this guilt about, well everything, and sometimes I just think that the reason that I am going to die is just me getting what I deserve and being punished. I don't believe in karma or even religion but I still can't shake that feeling. I just feel so utterly hopeless at this point. I am getting so paranoid I feel like it's moving past anxiety into madness, I start thinking that maybe I am a sociopath since I depersonalize a lot and have a hard time relating to anyone including my children sometimes, or maybe I'm depressed or bipolar since I have a tendency to get super excited when starting new things and then it just fizzles out after talking about it for hours on end, I won't let doctors or dentists give me shots because "what if they are crazy and put something into the syringe that shouldn't be there?", hell I even have irrational thoughts about meteors or that the earth will suddenly stop spinning. Any advice would be great, I am writing this at the risk of sounding crazy (God knows my husband already probably thinks I am after crying about how I am dying for the past 3 weeks), but I don't know where else to turn.
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Guest
Dear PinUpGal,
I can understand why you have such a fear of dying, since, you lost your father at such a young age, and your mother suffered from cancer!
I know that you said that you did not have any type of religion, but, I can assure you that if you get "Salvation" this will help you with these type of fears more than anything else in this world...
I am going to direct you to this movie...I pray that it helps you...I will post another reply later. I totally sympathize with you, and I know that this fear is really scary....
If you will watch this movie, then, I am sure it will help you to understand how to alleviate this fear of dying...Here is the movie...Just click on it... Father's Love Letter-Video
I can understand why you have such a fear of dying, since, you lost your father at such a young age, and your mother suffered from cancer!
I know that you said that you did not have any type of religion, but, I can assure you that if you get "Salvation" this will help you with these type of fears more than anything else in this world...
I am going to direct you to this movie...I pray that it helps you...I will post another reply later. I totally sympathize with you, and I know that this fear is really scary....
If you will watch this movie, then, I am sure it will help you to understand how to alleviate this fear of dying...Here is the movie...Just click on it... Father's Love Letter-Video
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Guest
Hello Pinupgal:
I can see that you certainly do feel bad.
I did notice , however, that you say you are not religious. But in the next couple of sentiences you say: "but God knows that my husband thinks......".
So evidently you believe in God.
And that might be a clue to some help for you.
God sent His Son into the world ....... to bring peace (for one thing). And what you need is peace.
Living in the kind of fear that you are living in is a kind of death. It is 'death' every day.
But you don't have to live that way. Honestly.
When I'd just about reached the end of my rope with anxiety and fear, I was told about acceptance. Acceptance might be the key to unlock that dragon of fear that has got you imprisoned; so imprisoned that you can't go with your children to Mcdonald's for an ice cream.
There was much in my life that I just couldn't accept. I was taught how to accept those things that I couldn't change and to change the things that I could. And to pray for the wisdom to know the difference.
Death, my dear, is something you can't change.
So you may need to set about accepting it. It is part of life you know. One generation goes and another takes over. It is life.
And once you can accept that, you can stop fearing it. It is just that simple.
Now I am 80 years old. Lots of people live much longer than that. And I might also.
I might. But I have diabetes, high bp, just had a single mastectomy, and I am overweight.
But I don't dwell on having just a few years left. Oh no.
You see, I believe in eternal life. It is a free gift of grace. To get it all I have to do is accept the fact that Jesus Christ paid for whatever wrongs I've done.
So death is, in fact, just another adventure.
It is just the beginning, not the end. And man can not even imagine what great things have been planned for those who believe and accept the great gift prepared for them.
But even so, even if one can't comprehend that,
think of the peace available to one just by acceptance of the fact that we aren't going to last forever.
By acceptance you find peace and calm and you can think of something else.
You could go to the beach, or climb a mountain.
You could see the sky as blue, you could gaze on meadows of wild flowers. You could listen to the songs of mockingbirds or watch the flight of wild geese.
Until you accept your mortality, you can not enjoy that delightful laughter of a child.
And honestly, it is not so scary.
I would advise going to talk to a good minister of your choice.
For now why don't you fill a tub with warm water, light a scented candle, put some lavander oil in the warm water, climb in and relax.
Think about it.
Enjoy what you have - now. Your wonderful children.
Love those children. Love is what lasts forever.
I will pray for you. For I know how you must be suffering.
But your help can only come from within.
God bless!
MaryJane
I can see that you certainly do feel bad.
I did notice , however, that you say you are not religious. But in the next couple of sentiences you say: "but God knows that my husband thinks......".
So evidently you believe in God.
And that might be a clue to some help for you.
God sent His Son into the world ....... to bring peace (for one thing). And what you need is peace.
Living in the kind of fear that you are living in is a kind of death. It is 'death' every day.
But you don't have to live that way. Honestly.
When I'd just about reached the end of my rope with anxiety and fear, I was told about acceptance. Acceptance might be the key to unlock that dragon of fear that has got you imprisoned; so imprisoned that you can't go with your children to Mcdonald's for an ice cream.
There was much in my life that I just couldn't accept. I was taught how to accept those things that I couldn't change and to change the things that I could. And to pray for the wisdom to know the difference.
Death, my dear, is something you can't change.
So you may need to set about accepting it. It is part of life you know. One generation goes and another takes over. It is life.
And once you can accept that, you can stop fearing it. It is just that simple.
Now I am 80 years old. Lots of people live much longer than that. And I might also.
I might. But I have diabetes, high bp, just had a single mastectomy, and I am overweight.
But I don't dwell on having just a few years left. Oh no.
You see, I believe in eternal life. It is a free gift of grace. To get it all I have to do is accept the fact that Jesus Christ paid for whatever wrongs I've done.
So death is, in fact, just another adventure.
It is just the beginning, not the end. And man can not even imagine what great things have been planned for those who believe and accept the great gift prepared for them.
But even so, even if one can't comprehend that,
think of the peace available to one just by acceptance of the fact that we aren't going to last forever.
By acceptance you find peace and calm and you can think of something else.
You could go to the beach, or climb a mountain.
You could see the sky as blue, you could gaze on meadows of wild flowers. You could listen to the songs of mockingbirds or watch the flight of wild geese.
Until you accept your mortality, you can not enjoy that delightful laughter of a child.
And honestly, it is not so scary.
I would advise going to talk to a good minister of your choice.
For now why don't you fill a tub with warm water, light a scented candle, put some lavander oil in the warm water, climb in and relax.
Think about it.
Enjoy what you have - now. Your wonderful children.
Love those children. Love is what lasts forever.
I will pray for you. For I know how you must be suffering.
But your help can only come from within.
God bless!
MaryJane
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Guest
Do you think being sick made your anxiety worse? I had a flu/virus from the first week of January to the middle of March. I had the same weird stomach pains/nausea (lost 12 lbs in one month) my anxiety went through the roof by mid February with all new symptoms that I never had w/anxiety before. Since the flu/virus is finally over physically I'm feeling better but I got this program to help w/the anxiety. I wasn't sleeping more then 3 or 4 hours a night, my heart wouldn't stop racing 24/7 even w/the anxiety pills so my dr put me on a blood pressure pill for a few weeks (stopped taking those last week also stopped taking the anxiety pills last week). I had to force myself to take my dog for a walk every day 2 or 3 times a day (I have agoraphobia so that was hard at first) now I look forward to the walks every day been doing them for almost 3 weeks. I'm on week 2 of the program and can see a big difference already. One thing that I find helped me was praising anything positive I did, like talking myself out of a panic attack, taking my dog for a walk and 
not dying during it etc. As soon as you start to think negatively stop and try to replace the thought w/something positive or do the breathing exercises. The breathing exercises really help me. I too have had anxiety/panic attacks since I was 4 yrs old. I was able to over come it in my mid 20's but it came back like a lion after my dad passed away and even worse after my mom passed away. Knowing I was able to overcome it once before I know I can do it again and I think this program is teaching the tools to keep them away forever or atleast coping skills.
Hang in there your not alone I've had many of the same fears as you. When I was sick w/that flu the last two months 3 times I almost went to the emergency room because I thought something was seriously wrong w/me, I felt better after talking to friends who had the same flu w/the same exact symptoms. I always had a fear of death since I was a kid, I was afraid of my parents dying as well as myself dying. I don't know if these books will help you but after my dad passed away I read two books that really helped me not fear death as bad as I used to fear it. The first is Journey of Souls the second is Destiny of Souls. I think the authors name is Michael Newton. I'm not religious either but I have found saying the Chaplet of Mercy on my daily walks really helps me to feel better.
not dying during it etc. As soon as you start to think negatively stop and try to replace the thought w/something positive or do the breathing exercises. The breathing exercises really help me. I too have had anxiety/panic attacks since I was 4 yrs old. I was able to over come it in my mid 20's but it came back like a lion after my dad passed away and even worse after my mom passed away. Knowing I was able to overcome it once before I know I can do it again and I think this program is teaching the tools to keep them away forever or atleast coping skills.Hang in there your not alone I've had many of the same fears as you. When I was sick w/that flu the last two months 3 times I almost went to the emergency room because I thought something was seriously wrong w/me, I felt better after talking to friends who had the same flu w/the same exact symptoms. I always had a fear of death since I was a kid, I was afraid of my parents dying as well as myself dying. I don't know if these books will help you but after my dad passed away I read two books that really helped me not fear death as bad as I used to fear it. The first is Journey of Souls the second is Destiny of Souls. I think the authors name is Michael Newton. I'm not religious either but I have found saying the Chaplet of Mercy on my daily walks really helps me to feel better.
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BePositive-Amy
- Posts: 85
- Joined: Sun Aug 14, 2005 3:00 am
Thanks to everyone for the words of encouragment. I used to have some faith before my dad died, I used to pray every night that he would live which was impossible since he had terminal cancer. The thing that I think made my guilt worse was the fact that he died of a heart attack the same night we had a fight. The doctors assured me that it wasn't stress but the chemo and the fact that he was overweight but I still couldn't shake the feeling that if we hadn't been fighting maybe he would have been alright. It's something that I am over now that I am older but still feel partially responsible. I remember thinking there were so many things I could have done, he was usually up at 7 and I waited until 10 to check on what was taking him so long. It made my teen years awful.
As far as God goes, after he died something just clicked off. I have tried reading the bible, taking religion courses, going to churches synagogues, and mosques but I just couldn't make myself believe in anything. I think the thought of it is beautiful and I think it's part of the reason that so many people aren't scared of death but I just can't force myself to believe in something that I keep thinking is scientifically impossible. I'm not saying that any of you are wrong I just can't process it I guess.
Eastcoast- I definitely think the flu along with the allergies made everything worse. I haven't been this bad since I was pregnant with my daughter, (that was a disaster). When I am feeling well I am a bit better about coping but when I have physical symptoms or I am not feeling well in general my anxiety definitely gets worse.
As far as God goes, after he died something just clicked off. I have tried reading the bible, taking religion courses, going to churches synagogues, and mosques but I just couldn't make myself believe in anything. I think the thought of it is beautiful and I think it's part of the reason that so many people aren't scared of death but I just can't force myself to believe in something that I keep thinking is scientifically impossible. I'm not saying that any of you are wrong I just can't process it I guess.
Eastcoast- I definitely think the flu along with the allergies made everything worse. I haven't been this bad since I was pregnant with my daughter, (that was a disaster). When I am feeling well I am a bit better about coping but when I have physical symptoms or I am not feeling well in general my anxiety definitely gets worse.
PinupGal...My brother was the most scientific-minded person you could ever have known...A lot of our family members were really concerned it he would ever be saved (born again)....I just always knew deep in my heart that he would come around one day, and he did. He is now a Christian...He got saved in the year 1999.
I know it is difficult to believe in something you can't see, but, we are witnesses of the fact that He did come and die for our sins...
Once you get saved, you know Jesus, as I know everyone who is in my life..
I am not going to try and push anything on you, since, I do respect your opinion in this matter...I just wished you knew Him as I do...
It would help you more than you could ever know with the death issue, as well as, any other issue you brought before Him in prayer...
Just trying to help...God Bless...
I know it is difficult to believe in something you can't see, but, we are witnesses of the fact that He did come and die for our sins...
Once you get saved, you know Jesus, as I know everyone who is in my life..
I am not going to try and push anything on you, since, I do respect your opinion in this matter...I just wished you knew Him as I do...
It would help you more than you could ever know with the death issue, as well as, any other issue you brought before Him in prayer...
Just trying to help...God Bless...
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Guest