My biggest question has to deal with talking. In order to appear/feel in control, I just don't talk to people. I will go from class to class not talking to anyone (or at home or work). I desperately want to talk to people and joke around or talk about things, but I can't open myself up. And so then I get really down on myself and depressed, and even really bitter toward other people, because I feel they don't understand me.... Ha, ha. Kind of funny, if you think about it. I feel it's also just intimidating, because that's how the college scene is a lot--a lot of people are outgoing, the comedians and friendly--and so I compare myself.
I know exactly how you feel
. When I began college, I felt the very same way, and I operated much the same way, too. I desperately wanted to talk with people (and I had a couple of friends from high school which sort of helped with the transition), but I was afraid that I would say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing, look funny, etc., etc. It didn't help that I had been teased/bullied in high school because I was quieter and, therefore, an easy target, and that I had left over anger from that.
It was at this time that I started to take a low dose of Prozac. My social anxiety seemed to dissipate somewhat, as I became more social and started to date. It was really nice. I have since completed one college degree in 2002.
Though I have become quite a bit less socially anxious, I still experience this same anxiety/frustration on the job. I have felt as if others were talking about me behind my back while at work which has caused me to become "bitter" and angry and to lose my cool.
I think that we're all just "works in progress." Don't worry about where you are right now. It sounds like you're aware of where you want to be, so focus on that. Take little steps. Do little things (such as smiling at someone at school that you like or giving someone a compliment on something that they're wearing) and continue to build from there.
Remember: You aren't alone.
You can do it!
Lilly_Light